


Across

by Hajinnie



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Abduction, Abusive Relationships, Action, Alternate Universe - Assassins & Hitmen, Blood and Gore, Blood and Violence, Dark, Dark Comedy, Disturbing Themes, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Gore, Kidnapping, Lima Syndrome, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Murder, On the Run, Organized Crime, Power Dynamics, Stalking, Stockholm Syndrome, Unhealthy Relationships, Unreliable Narrator
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-25
Updated: 2017-12-30
Packaged: 2019-01-22 23:11:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 20
Words: 69,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12492984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hajinnie/pseuds/Hajinnie
Summary: Jongin works at a convenience store and has a crush on the mysterious customer, Kyungsoo, who is actually a hitman for hire. Things do not turn out as expected thereon from the both of them as they unknowingly drag themselves into the biggest life-changing mistake ever.





	1. I Saw You

**Author's Note:**

> Please note the warnings and tags if you might be triggered by abuse/blood/violence/gore. This is a dark fic and you won't find fluff/comfort here.
> 
> \--
> 
> Got any questions or just need to contact me? : curiouscat.me/hajinnie  
> Also on Twitter @hajinnie

 

There is a 24 hours convenience store opposite a red brick apartment block in a residential area in one of the districts in downtown Seoul with scattered high rise residential buildings. The store is an important fixture in the neighborhood where almost everyone who lives in the area goes there to get things they need because they are too lazy to travel up a bit to the supermarket.

Kim Jongin works the evening shift from 5 pm to 1 am at the convenience store as the cashier and clerk. Jongin works five days a week and sometimes even on his off days for extra pay and the extra opportunity to meet the man of his dreams, Do Kyungsoo.

Jongin isn’t sure if Kyungsoo even knows he exists past the convenience store but Jongin does. Jongin knows Kyungsoo or at least he thinks he does.

 

Jongin knows Kyungsoo lives somewhere in the apartment with the red brick walls just across the road from the convenience store. Jongin has seen Kyungsoo walking to and from the foyer of the building.

Jongin knows Kyungsoo drives a nice expensive black car. Sometimes, Kyungsoo walks to the store from the apartment and sometimes he drives there.

Jongin knows Kyungsoo comes in the store at least twice a week- sometimes more, usually late at night when things have started to quiet down around the district. Jongin makes sure to greet Kyungsoo with a bow and wide smile more enthusiastic than the ones he displays for the other customers.

Kyungsoo always comes in smartly dressed and looking prim and proper. Even the least dressed up time Jongin has seen Kyungsoo, he is wearing a vest at least. Kyungsoo has never talked much to Jongin except to ask him if something was in stock or otherwise, but Jongin can tell Kyungsoo is probably a dignified man from his tone and formal speech.

Kyungsoo always buys a large bottle of green tea and anything off the rack of ready to eat meals. Sometimes, Kyungsoo buys a chocolate bar or some junk food and that is it. Never more and never less.

 

Every day, Jongin comes into work with the thought of hoping to see Kyungsoo. Every day- or rather night that he goes to the store is a good one for Jongin. Jongin is a simple young man in love who is easily pleased by such things.

Jongin asks his colleague, Sehun, who mostly works the morning shift but occasionally shares the evening shift with him, whether Sehun has seen Kyungsoo come in the store during the day.

Sehun furrows his eyebrows as he tries to visualize the description Jongin has given him of Kyungsoo. Sehun only shakes his head and says he doesn’t know or ever seen Kyungsoo.

 

* * *

 

“That will be 10,980 won”, Jongin rings up the register for Kyungsoo’s purchase of the usual bottle of green tea and this time a container of microwaveable fried rice with chicken.

Kyungsoo smiles and pulls out his black leather wallet from the back pocket of his trousers. He is wearing a suit and tie tonight. Kyungsoo still has the smile plastered on his face when he hands Jongin the 50,000 won bill. Kyungsoo always deals in large denominations.

Jongin wants to reach out and run his fingers on Kyungsoo’s hand whenever he hands out the money like that. Jongin has never seen Kyungsoo wear short sleeves and has only seen his hands below the wrist.

But Jongin knows Kyungsoo wears an expensive wristwatch and Jongin can also see strong thick veins on Kyungsoo’s hands. It was really enticing to look at and touch but Jongin doesn’t want to come off as a creep and be fired from his job if Kyungsoo reports him to the manager.

The measly job was the only thing letting Jongin see Kyungsoo on a regular basis. Jongin wasn’t down to losing his job anytime soon yet.

Maybe he could at least shake Kyungsoo’s hand, Jongin thought to himself. It would be a dream of his to finally get to able to feel Kyungsoo’s skin against his and Jongin fantasized a lot about it. It doesn’t cost a penny to dream after all.

 

Jongin bows and repeats the phrase when Kyungsoo leaves, “Thank you. Have a good night and please come again”.

“You too” Kyungsoo responds in a smooth sultry voice that Jongin would love to hear whispering his name in his ear. Jongin’s hair on his skin stands on its ends when he thinks of it.

Jongin wonders how his name would sound like in Kyungsoo’s voice, how it would make him feel to hear “Jongin” rolling off of Kyungsoo’s tongue.

 

 

Jongin knows Kyungsoo’s name because Kyungsoo has forgotten to bring cash one time and has to use his credit card. Jongin, of course, remembers the name on the card: Do Kyung Soo. Do? That is a rather uncommon surname and Jongin does not remember meeting any other people with that name.

Jongin does not forget Kyungsoo’s name. Of course, how could he ever forget? Kyungsoo was the man who occupied his thoughts after all.

Jongin’s name was displayed on the name tag he wore on his chest on the blue striped employee’s uniform. Jongin thought that Kyungsoo must have remembered it by now. Jongin has been working there for almost half a year now. Surely, Kyungsoo must have caught on to it- or not.

 

* * *

 

Kyungsoo comes in on a Tuesday night for a bottle of green tea and the last meal from the ready to eat rack. Hardly anyone ever buys the last meal left because it is notoriously known for being cold and lumpy by then. It is usually thrown out or Jongin would feed it to the stray animals wandering in the back alley.

 Kyungsoo is shaking, he looks tired and his eyes are weary. Kyungsoo is wearing gloves and Jongin notices that when he realizes he won’t be able to feel Kyungsoo’s hand on his when their hands brush each other’s for a split second when exchanging the money and change.

Kyungsoo hardly smiles that night and leaves after getting his change. He is slightly trembling as he walks and Jongin notices that. It was a warm summer night and Kyungsoo was heavily dressed in his suit and tie. There should be no reason for him to be shaking as if he is cold, Jongin thought.

Kyungsoo leaves through the automatic sliding doors which chimes a tune whenever someone passes through. Jongin watches Kyungsoo’s back as he leaves and realizes that Kyungsoo has forgotten his shopping.

 

Jongin jumps over the cashier with the plastic bag in his hand as he runs out the doors and shouts, “Kyungsoo!”

Kyungsoo had not gotten far and was standing outside in the empty parking lot when he stops dead in his tracks and turns around. A rush of cold wind blows when he does.

Kyungsoo still didn’t look too well but his eyes were round and alarmed. Jongin, however, does not notice that under the illumination of the street lamps outside.

 

Jongin runs up to Kyungsoo and holds out the plastic bag, “You forgot this”.

Kyungsoo hesitates for a moment before reaching out to take the plastic bag into his own hand. His hand no longer trembles and shakes.

“Thanks”, Kyungsoo mutters, only moving his lower lip and looking away from Jongin.

“No problem”, Jongin smiles it off. He is happy to be able to help Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo does not have his car this time with him and walks crossing the empty street to his apartment block just across. Jongin has gone back to watching over the cashier and does not notice that Kyungsoo can see him from the window of his apartment unit.

 

Kyungsoo watches Jongin for a while from his apartment. It is the first time Kyungsoo has done so. He shuts the blinds, turns off the lights and turns on the lamp on his desk as he begins to work away writing on some papers.

A groan and low whimpers are heard coming from the floor below the chair where Kyungsoo is seated at his desk.

Kyungsoo kicks the man tied to the leg of the desk, gritting his teeth in irritation and curses, “Shut the fuck up. Don’t be loud.”

The man only groans even louder from the pain of being kicked on a preexisting wound. Kyungsoo feels like bashing the man’s head till his skin breaks, till his skulls shatters and his brain oozes out from the cuts.

But Kyungsoo knows only amateurs do that. It is too messy and too unprofessional and leaves too many evidence. Kyungsoo knows exactly what he is doing and what he should do.

 

* * *

 

It is early in the evening. Jongin’s shift has just started. The sun in the summer has not set and will not for another hour or so. The sky is getting noticeably darker but the heat from the day still lingers, radiating off the asphalt road.

Jongin is standing outside the store with a broom and dustpan, having been instructed by his manager to sweep up leaves and dust. There are a significant number of trees growing in the parking lot but it does not obscure Kyungsoo’s view to watch Jongin.

Jongin hums a tune to himself as he sweeps away the leaves and dust into the dustpan. Jongin wonders if Kyungsoo will come in today. Jongin pauses momentarily and looks up at the red brick apartment and sighs. Jongin isn’t sure and he knows things are very one-sided.

Kyungsoo backs away from the window, tripping on the edge of his carpet and falling onto his back. He is shocked that Jongin would actually be looking back at him. How does Jongin know? More importantly, does Jongin know?

 

 

“Thank you, have a good evening and please come again”, Jongin bows and smiles to a group of teenagers leaving the store.

After they leave, Jongin goes back to rearranging the pack of cigarettes on the shelf behind the counter when he hears the chime of the bell and the sound of the sliding doors opening.

Jongin only glances over his shoulder and sees a man in a hoodie and jeans walking around the store, “Welcome. Have a look around”, Jongin greets as usual before returning to stack the shelf.

 

A few minutes pass and Jongin hears the man clears his throat near the cashier. Jongin gets off the stool he is standing on and turns around to tend to the cash register where the man in the hoodie is ready to make his payment.

Jongin looks on the counter and sees what the man has placed there; a large bottle of green tea and a sandwich.

Jongin looks up and sees Kyungsoo grinning back at him. Jongin is surprised because Kyungsoo is never this early or this dressed down. Was this even the Kyungsoo he knew? Maybe Kyungsoo has a twin?

Jongin is in for more of a shock when the man who appears to be Kyungsoo is the one who speaks first and greets him “good evening”.

Kyungsoo has never initiated any conversation ever. It’s always Jongin who greets and asks Kyungsoo how he is doing, hoping he might be able to strike up a conversation. Kyungsoo never does, however.

Jongin wonders if this person really is Kyungsoo.

 

“Good evening”, Jongin replies back as he bags up the items and rings up the register for Kyungsoo.

“It’s a bit hot today isn’t it”, Kyungsoo surprisingly says much to Jongin’s astonishment.

Jongin is surprised still but doesn’t pay it much thought because this was like a dream come true to him anyway.

“Yeah, it is quite hot today” Jongin eagerly smiles and rings up the total amount, “That would be 6,980 won.”

Kyungsoo still has the black leather wallet with him and pulls out a small change of a 10,000 won bill. Jongin accepts the bill with both hands but Kyungsoo does not let go.

Jongin looks up into Kyungsoo’s eyes staring at him blankly as if lost in thought.

“Sir?” Jongin calls out.

Kyungsoo snaps back to reality and releases the bill and mutters, “My apologies”

“It’s alright. Nothing to worry about”, Jongin brushes it off with a smile.

 

* * *

 

Jongin bags up the shopping and hands it to Kyungsoo together with the exact change, brushing against the skin on Kyungsoo’s hand in that brief interchange. Jongin smiles to himself for the rest of the night even until his shift ends hours later.

Jongin does not know that Kyungsoo can and does watch him for the entire night as far as the large glass walls of the convenience store let Jongin appear in Kyungsoo’s view.

Jongin goes home riding his old but trustworthy bicycle back to his small studio apartment where he lives alone and has lived alone for two years now.

Jongin lies in his cramped single bed pushed against the wall and holds a hand up above his head as he tries to remember the feel of Kyungsoo’s hand against his. It is exhilarating. Jongin hugs his bolster and pretends its Kyungsoo. Jongin thinks he loves Kyungsoo and that his love is young, pure and innocent.

Jongin lies on his side and tries typing in “Do Kyung Soo” in the search form on a social media site. There are a few people with the name but judging from the pictures, none turn out to be the Kyungsoo that Jongin is looking for. Jongin sighs, locks his phone and goes to sleep.

 

* * *

 

 

Kyungsoo owns a loft in a building in another downtown district in Seoul. The building’s main entrance is in a back alley and is convenient for him. Work and private affairs should be kept separate after all.

Kyungsoo works at night too like Jongin but his job starts and ends a bit later. The loft is Kyungsoo’s own personal office.

The bottle of green tea is in the fridge and the sandwich somewhere on another table. Kyungsoo has the sleeves of his white dress shirt rolled up and neatly cuffed to his elbow. On top of his attire, he wears plastic coveralls to protect his clothes from being sprayed by blood and flesh. Kyungsoo also wears rubber boots to protect his shoes and the hem of his pants.

 

Kyungsoo is standing facing a long stainless steel work table which contains with a meat cleaver in his right hand. A filament lamp hangs above the table. The woman- or rather remains of the woman lies on the table bloodied, marred and in pieces.

Kyungsoo doesn’t know his victims or bothers to know. It is none of his business and he doesn’t have the slightest tinge of emotion at what he does, not that he ever has anyway.

Kyungsoo is careful as he cuts up the flesh, dividing the body up into pieces at the head, torso, arms, and legs. Kyungsoo carefully skins the woman’s scalp from her scalp and puts it aside. Human hair has a distinct smell when burnt and it should be removed. It makes for easier disposal and it is what he knows best.

Somewhere in his loft, Kyungsoo has several pictures of Jongin he has taken from afar from his apartment window. Kyungsoo pins them up with thumbtacks on a board above his desk. Kyungsoo has been watching Jongin for some time now since that one windy night Jongin has called out his name.

Kyungsoo has made sure to note Jongin’s name from the name tag he wears on his blue striped uniform. Kyungsoo also knows now Jongin only works the evening shift.

 

 

* * *

 

 

It is Jongin’s off day but he is working today on the morning shift with Sehun.

It is around 10 am and most people have started their day at the time but it is the usual time Kyungsoo goes to bed before waking up six or seven hours later. Kyungsoo has had a long night and walks over to his window to shut the blinds and block off all the sunlight coming in.

Kyungsoo also has his air conditioner blaring and set on the coldest setting. Kyungsoo sleeps during the day but he likes it dark and cold.

Kyungsoo is in for a surprise when he is standing by the window behind the shutter blinds and finds that Jongin is there outside the convenience store wearing his uniform and taking the trash out. Kyungsoo did not expect Jongin to be there at that time of the day.

 

Jongin tosses the bag of trash into the dumpster beside the store and looks up at the red brick apartment building across the road where Kyungsoo lives. All the windows are tinted black so he cannot see who is behind there nor does he know which unit belongs to Kyungsoo.

Jongin wishes he knew but he doesn’t know that Kyungsoo is looking back at him. Kyungsoo’s mind race and he wonders what Jongin is doing there anyway.

 

Kyungsoo abandons the thought of going to bed and throws on a hoodie on top of his t-shirt and pajama pants before rushing to the store.

Kyungsoo steps from the humid summer air into the air-conditioned store and looks around. Jongin isn’t there. Kyungsoo certainly saw Jongin returning to the store after disposing of the trash. Kyungsoo is frantic and Sehun notices this.

“Hello, sir? May I help you?” Sehun approaches Kyungsoo, politely bowing.

“Kim Jongin. Where is he?” Kyungsoo abruptly answers without even a break in his speech.

“Oh, he’s counting stock in the storeroom behind. Do you want me to get him?” Sehun answers.

“No. That won’t be necessary.” Kyungsoo shakes his head and walks away, leaving the store hastily.

 

Kyungsoo does not go to sleep as he sits by the window, crouching on a chair, rocking back and forth as he watches as Jongin appears and disappears from his view. Who is Jongin? What does he know? Why does he keep looking towards Kyungsoo’s direction?

 

Sehun later informs to Jongin that someone has been looking for him but Sehun is bad with descriptions and Jongin can’t really make up who it could be. Jongin holds a sliver of hope that the person could be Kyungsoo. It didn’t hurt to hope, doesn’t it?

 

* * *

 

 

Kyungsoo has to work that night with not much sleep from staying up to watch Jongin. Kyungsoo is anxious and does not perform his task very well that night. Kyungsoo is messy and sloppy that night.

Kyungsoo holds the ice pick too high up when he plunges it into the man’s chest, piercing his victim’s lungs. It causes a blood spray which hits him in the face and he can taste the metallic flavor of blood on his lips. Kyungsoo hates slipping up like that but one should always clear air from the lungs if you plan to drown a body.

Kyungsoo momentarily looks up from his work table and the mangled body to look at the picture of Jongin he has pinned up on the wall across. Jongin is a mystery. Why is Jongin always watching him?

 

 

Jongin does not see Kyungsoo for the next few days before he comes back in the store always around midnight or slightly earlier, dressed smartly as usual.

“Good evening”, Jongin greets and bows with a smile as usual.

Kyungsoo smiles back and heads to the fridge for his large bottle of green tea and this time some soggy fried chicken.

“That would be 9,980 won”, Jongin rings up the register and bags the items.

Kyungsoo hands Jongin a 50,000 won bill. Kyungsoo’s eyes watches and studies Jongin’s every move as Jongin fishes through the register for the change.

Jongin hands back the change to Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo holds out his hand to receive the change and cups Jongin’s hand with his. Kyungsoo does not move as he runs his fingers on Jongin’s hand holding out the change.

Jongin is confused, surprised but also somewhat excited.

“Your hand is warm”, Kyungsoo mentions and lets go of Jongin’s hand to pick up the plastic bag off the counter, “Keep the change, Jongin.”

 

That was probably one of the best days in Jongin’s life that he could remember. Kyungsoo, whom he has a major crush on, had not only mentioned his name for the first time but also held his hand and even bestowed a gift of spare change.

It was not much money but it could have bought Jongin a nice meal for himself. Jongin decided to keep the money in an envelope which he placed on his desk as he smiled to himself remember the events of the day. So, Kyungsoo does actually remember Jongin’s name. How could Kyungsoo ever forget?

 

One night on the way to work, Kyungsoo follows Jongin home, who had just gotten off his shift. Kyungsoo uses another car that he has, a cheaper less flashy one. Jongin does not realize he is being followed and even if he does, he will never expect it to be Kyungsoo.

After all, Kyungsoo is perfect and can do no wrong in his eyes.

Now, Kyungsoo also knows where Jongin lives.

 

 

* * *

 

Kyungsoo is a bit late that night. It is half past one in the morning and Jongin is unlocking his bicycle in the parking lot, ready to go home. Jongin sees Kyungsoo’s car pull up and the man himself exiting the car.

“Hi there, good evening.” Jongin smiles under the luminous street lamps and the moths around the light.

“Good evening”, Kyungsoo greets in return. “How are you?”

“I’m good. I just got off work. How about you?” Jongin replies, hanging the chain used to lock his bicycle in his hand.

“I am good too” Kyungsoo smiles and Jongin’s heart flutters like the wings of the moths hovering above him.

Kyungsoo enters the convenience store, leaving Jongin in the parking lot. Jongin’s heart is beating loud against his chest and he wishes he could have stayed a little while longer.

Jongin’s heart and desire yearns for Kyungsoo, a man he barely knows but thinks he does. Jongin is so infatuated that he barely even glosses over the fact that Kyungsoo might not even be gay, to begin with. Jongin’s head is so lost in the clouds.

 

* * *

 

 

A man armed with a gun breaks into Kyungsoo’s loft while he is working there still. Kyungsoo does not even know who this man is, who sent him there or what he is there for. Kyungsoo only knows he is threatened and that he doesn’t tolerate intruders or people knowing what he does.

Kyungsoo is in the middle of pulling out the teeth from the dead body of his latest victim with a pair of pliers. To leave teeth behind is amateur work. Dental records can be pulled out and make the person identifiable.

Kyungsoo subdues the intruder with ease although he gets into a slight skirmish, stabbing the man below his chin and piercing through his skull with an ice pick. Kyungsoo has to do double the cleanup today.

 

Kyungsoo can’t help it but be more cautious since the incident. Kyungsoo keeps watching Jongin and Jongin never fails to look towards the red brick apartment across the road from the convenient store. Except that Jongin doesn’t even know Kyungsoo is looking back.

 

 

* * *

 

Kyungsoo doesn’t want to wait any longer. It makes him restless and he has always been a doer than a planner. Kyungsoo has questions he wants answers to and he knows only Jongin can fulfill them.

Kyungsoo knows Jongin has Sundays and Mondays off and plans. Jongin goes to work at 5 pm on Saturday and finishes at 1 am on Sunday. Then, as usual, Jongin will ride his bicycle home on a journey that takes an average of 29 minutes.

Jongin arrives at home at about 1.49am on Sunday at his cramped studio apartment. Jongin throws his bag onto his bed and feels around the wall for the light switch.

Jongin’s eyes adjust to the brightness and he sees Kyungsoo sitting on the chair at his desk with a knife in his hand. Jongin is stunned and does not move, unable to process the reality of the situation.

Kyungsoo is well dressed as usual but Jongin notices he is wearing gloves and boots now.

 

Kyungsoo stands up and walks towards Jongin, smiling, “Lovely weather we have tonight, don’t we?”

“What?” Jongin blurts and he barely feels the knife going through his side until he feels the warm blood- his warm blood trickling down and then he cries out in pain but Kyungsoo has cupped a hand over his mouth and Jongin can only let out a pained muffled whimper.

Jongin falls forward to the floor on his hands. Kyungsoo kneels and cradles Jongin’s head against his chest.

“Shh, it’s okay. Don’t pull the knife out yet. You’ll bleed to death if you do and we can’t have that now, can we, Jongin?” Kyungsoo whispers Jongin’s name in his ears just like what Jongin had secretly wished for.

This is not what Jongin had asked for, however.

 

 


	2. I Got You

 

Jongin wasn’t sure how long he had been out, where he was at, what was going on around him, what time it was or whether he had been imagining the things that had happened.

Jongin remembered finding Kyungsoo in his apartment. How did Kyungsoo get in anyway? It didn’t look like someone had broken in or so Jongin remembered. Not that his memory was really reliable at this point when he couldn’t even figure out how he had gotten there or the searing pain in his abdomen.

Did Kyungsoo really stab him or did he imagine it? It did seem impossible that Kyungsoo would just barge into his place to stab him. Jongin was confused as hell.

 

Jongin woke up and cringed away from the bright light hanging above him until the pain in his abdomen reminded him of what had transpired and brought him back to reality.

Jongin found himself lying on some sort of cool surface, like a long steel table. Jongin couldn’t sit up from the pain and could only turn his head side to side as he looked around the space. It looked like a large empty hall of space.

The space was dark minus the lamp hanging above his head but Jongin’s eyes could make up the silhouettes of some furniture like a desk and a shelf. Another faint light source seemed to be coming out of the doorway of what seemed to be a room.

Jongin saw shadows illuminated on the floor of a person moving about in the room. Jongin could hear sounds of thuds and clanking. There was someone else here and Jongin began to panic.

 

Jongin discovered that he was naked and not wearing any clothes. That was how he could feel the cool and slightly wet steel surface he was lying on. There was a puddle of some unknown liquid pooling beneath him. Whoever it was who had brought him there had stripped him.

Jongin tried getting up, propping himself up with his elbows. There was a sense of urgency within him and his instincts just told him to run and leave. A sense of dread and awfulness also coursed inside Jongin. It made him feel nauseous and sick to think about it when he started to figure out what his abductor could have “done” to him while he was out.

The pain in his abdomen was no mistake and held him back from even lifting himself up to sit. Jongin looked down and saw bandages wound across the source of pain. So he did get stabbed after all and apparently someone else had tended to his wound?

 

Jongin’s plans were halted when the shadow of the person from the room appeared to be heading towards him. Jongin could almost hear his heart beating and the blood rushing to his ears as he struggled to get up and run away.

Jongin only managed to fall off the table and face flat onto the cold floor. Jongin’s eyes met a pair of legs wearing boots with plastic coveralls- something a butcher would wear at work.

Jongin looked up and met Kyungsoo’s face. It was Kyungsoo. There was no mistake. Jongin could have mistaken people before but not Kyungsoo.

 

“You are a lively one, aren’t you?” Kyungsoo announced, glaring down at Jongin.

Kyungsoo’s figure standing below the hanging lamp cast a shadow on Jongin helplessly splayed on the floor.

“Where am I? What did you do to me?” Jongin trembled, suddenly shivering and feeling so cold.

“I cannot tell you where you are but I can answer that other question”, Kyungsoo crouched on the floor to meet Jongin’s eye level. “I stabbed you in the gut but its okay. I missed your vital organs on purpose and I did you the favor of stitching the wound back up. You’ll live if you listen to me.”

Kyungsoo tapped Jongin on the cheek with his hand, smirking to himself.

 

“Why would you do that? What do you want from me?” Jongin croaked, his voice hoarse, and throat dry.

“I have questions for you that I would like answers to but considering the state you’re in, I doubt you’d give me a truthful logical explanation. People will say anything to save themselves. Such is the nature of a human’s instinct to survive.” Kyungsoo mentioned, his eyes unfocused and no longer looking towards Jongin.

“I-I don’t understand”, Jongin stammered, shaking his head.

Kyungsoo ignored Jongin and stood up, taking a look at his work table which he uses to lay his victims down when he mangles their body. Kyungsoo’s nose scrunched up when he saw it- the puddle of liquid on the table. He was sure he had cleaned it up after stitching up Jongin’s wound there.

Kyungsoo glanced down at Jongin who was groveling at his feet, begging to be let go.

“Did you piss on yourself?” Kyungsoo grimaced with his hands on his hips.

 

 

Kyungsoo dragged a helpless Jongin by his shoulders to the edge of the room, Jongin who was still pleading and trying to bargain his way out.

“Please, I’ll do whatever you want,” Jongin begged as Kyungsoo continued dragging his naked body over the cool smooth surface of what appears to be linoleum floor.

“Exactly, that’s what I don’t want” Kyungsoo responded, pushing Jongin towards the steel frame of the bed.

Jongin’s face landed on the soft mattress and he looked to see a single bed beside him.

“Get on”, Kyungsoo commanded.

“Where?” Jongin rubbed his shoulders.

“On the bed. It’s yours now.” Kyungsoo pointed to the bed, staring down Jongin.

Jongin complied and struggled to lift himself on the up on the bed. Kyungsoo rolled his eyes watching Jongin’s struggle and ended up helping Jongin by giving him the push he needed to get on the bed.

 

“Stay there”, Kyungsoo instructed and left to look in his drawers for something.

Jongin sat on the bed confusedly, looking around the dimly lit area and saw that there were no windows anywhere. There was literally no view of outside and Jongin couldn’t tell whether it was day or night or how long had passed since then.

Jongin saw what he thought to be a door and started thinking up a way of how he could run towards the door and force it open. But Jongin could hardly stand on his own in this state, there was no way he could outrun Kyungsoo.

Jongin was scared that if Kyungsoo caught him running away, he would be hurt even more. Jongin didn’t know Kyungsoo after all it seems.

 

Kyungsoo returned and threw some clothes onto Jongin’s lap.

“Use that. It gets cold at night especially when I start working” Kyungsoo stated before turning away to leave again.

Jongin looked at the clothes Kyungsoo had tossed onto his lap. It appeared to be a large casual graphic t-shirt and baggy trousers. It looked a bit too large for Kyungsoo and not something that would come out his wardrobe.

Whatever it was, Jongin was afraid of defying Kyungsoo. It seemed wise and better to just listen to Kyungsoo for now. Jongin secretly planned to escape when Kyungsoo left. Kyungsoo couldn’t stay here forever now, could he?

Jongin noticed a fridge too and Kyungsoo bent over looking through it. The place doesn’t look like a home. What was it anyway?

Jongin struggled a bit and squirmed around on the bed as he tried to put on the mismatched clothing which smelled a bit too used and worn. Not that it was the top concern on his head now but Jongin was sure the clothes did not belong to Kyungsoo.

 

Kyungsoo returned from looking through the fridge with a plastic bag and dropped it on the bed beside Jongin. Jongin immediately recognized the logo on the plastic bag as the one of the convenience store he worked at.

“Eat. If you refuse to, I will force your jaw open and stick a tube down your throat so you will” Kyungsoo stated, reaching into his back pockets under his plastic coveralls.

Jongin gulped and looked into the plastic bag. Without a doubt, there was the bottle of green tea and this time a packet of cold fried noodles.

“Are you a butcher?” Jongin meekly asked, looking at Kyungsoo, judging by the way he dressed in the gloves, rubber boots, and plastic coveralls. Jongin thought that by making small talk, he could actually be able to get on Kyungsoo’s good side.

If Kyungsoo was, he was really one smartly dressed butcher because Jongin could see the dress shirt, tie and formal trousers beneath the coveralls.

Kyungsoo chuckled, “I guess so. I never saw it that way but humans are animals too so I am kind of a butcher too, aren’t I?” Kyungsoo grinned.

Under any circumstances, Jongin would have killed to see Kyungsoo grin like that. But now it was just so ominous and creepy. How could Kyungsoo even have that expression in this situation? What did Kyungsoo even meant by what he said?

 

Kyungsoo tossed small plastic packets which he had obtained from his back pocket onto the bed too where it landed on the mattress beside Jongin.

“There are painkillers, antibiotics, and sleeping pills. It should help you. Take them after your food, not before and only take one each except for the sleeping pills. Take two if you wish but not more” Kyungsoo gave out the orders as if he was the pharmacist himself.

Jongin didn’t really get it but he didn’t say much. Being obedient seemed like the best approach here. Jongin wondered if he could tackle down Kyungsoo and force Kyungsoo to let him go. It didn’t seem wise now.

 

Jongin blinked, examining the food and medication that Kyungsoo had tossed to him on the bed.

“Don’t worry; I didn’t poison your food. I still need you alive so don’t try anything funny and test my patience. Then maybe I will”, Kyungsoo laughed to himself, walking off and entering that small room Jongin saw him come from.

Kyungsoo returned shortly with a metal bucket that looked like it was taken out of a construction site, before placing it down beside the bed near Jongin.

“You do your business here. You can do that by yourself can you?” Kyungsoo asked, without sounding like he was degrading.

Jongin cringed at the thought of having to pee and possibly defecate in a metal bucket but it wasn’t up for negotiation. Jongin reluctantly agreed.

 

Kyungsoo did not even give anything Jongin to eat with. Jongin sat on the bed there eating cold noodles with his hand and fingers. The bottle of green tea was about three-quarters full and Jongin guessed that Kyungsoo already had a go at it.

Jongin wiped his hand off on the shirt he wore after finishing the meal and putting the plastic container back into the plastic bag. Jongin wasn’t even hungry, to begin with, and even if he was, the food wouldn’t even help. Convenience store food was the worst and Jongin wouldn’t even eat the leftovers. He worked there to know well enough.

How Kyungsoo always ate it was a mystery.

 

Jongin popped a pill each from the packets which had the descriptions and suggested dose listed on the labels. The pharmacy name was printed on it, although it was unfamiliar to Jongin. Jongin wondered if Kyungsoo had to get a doctor’s prescription in the first place to obtain it.

Kyungsoo really was a mystery and shattered every thought and ideal that Jongin had of him initially. Who was Do Kyungsoo really?

 

Jongin felt himself getting sleepier and his eyelids growing heavier. Jongin decided to lay down sideways on his uninjured side, putting his head down on the pillow and looking towards the hanging lamp that swung side to side occasionally.

Jongin could hear some thuds and noises from the sealed room Kyungsoo was in. When the door to the room was opened, the whole placed seemed to cool down.

What was Kyungsoo doing anyway?

 

“Ah, I guess I won’t be able to come to work today”, Jongin mumbled sleepily to himself. He has not missed a single day of work since he started working at the convenience store seven months ago. Not that Jongin was even sure what time or day it was from the looks of it

As Jongin drifted off to sleep, he wondered if anyone would come looking for him and go to his apartment to see that he wasn’t there either. Maybe his manager would? Or maybe Sehun would? Maybe they would call the police and they would be able to track him down here and save him?

What would that mean for Kyungsoo however? Would he escape and run away like a classic movie villain, driving into the sunset with a menacing laugh? Would he be caught and his deeds uncovered and Jongin would actually know who Kyungsoo really was?

Jongin didn’t know and his mind wandered on and on till he fell into a medication-induced dreamless sleep.

 

* * *

 

 

Jongin woke up startled to what felt like a rush of sudden cool air that blanketed his skin and shook him awake. Jongin expected to wake up in his room, in his bed, seeing the same ceiling and same walls.

It took Jongin a few seconds to realize that he wasn’t there in his room and another few more seconds to remember why he was here.

Jongin mentally recapped being stabbed, knocked out and waking up here wherever it was. All this by Kyungsoo’s doing.

The hanging lamp was turned on and lit, being the only source of light in the room apart from the faint glowing light from the room. The room where Kyungsoo spends a lot of time was open and a rush of cool air seemed to be flowing around. Jongin didn’t think he could hear any air conditioning or vents. Last time Jongin checked, it was summer and not that cold.

Maybe he had been here longer than that? Jongin was confused and disoriented.

 

Jongin was struggling to stand at the side of the bed when Kyungsoo emerged from the room looking exactly like a butcher on duty.

Kyungsoo saw Jongin and greeted him, “Good morning, sunshine. Did you sleep well?”

Kyungsoo took off his gloves, boots, and coveralls; tossing it onto a table pushed against the wall with lots of types of equipment and tools on it. Kyungsoo sealed the door to the room shut and suddenly the room got a lot less cold.

“I’m still here” Jongin trembled, trying to stand up, flinching from the pain.

“Of course. You slept like a log so I didn’t want to wake you up.” Kyungsoo picked up a plastic bag from the table and walked over to the bed, handing the plastic bag to Jongin.

Jongin saw that plastic bag was from the convenience store he worked at. Jongin didn’t even guess but he could tell what would be in there.

“Eat up and then I’ll give you a change of clothes so I can give you new bandages for your wound”, Kyungsoo was too calm and collected as he gave out the instructions.

 

Jongin was feeling less obedient that day and more irritated and angry. Maybe it was because the initial shock had passed and the reality of the situation had begun to sink in; the reality that he was a captive of a mysterious and dangerous man who happened to be Do Kyungsoo.

If Jongin knew Kyungsoo was like this, he would have changed his mind or thought twice about even liking Kyungsoo in the first place. Then again, what did Jongin know anyway?

But there was also that part in Jongin that refused to believe that this was all real. That it was just his imagination and probably just one long nightmare. Kyungsoo is a nice guy, isn’t he? There is no way that this is his doing. Jongin wasn’t sure which to believe.

 

Jongin felt like pushing Kyungsoo over and running to the door while he could. Jongin could even barely stand and still thought it was a bad idea.

Jongin really wanted to defy Kyungsoo but he knew he had to play along for now. Reluctantly, Jongin accepted the plastic bag from Kyungsoo and sat on the bed as he ate what seemed to be lumpy and coarse porridge.

Kyungsoo returned to the table with tools and Jongin saw him doing what seemed to be sharpening and polishing equipment such as a meat cleaver and several knives. Kyungsoo really had to be a butcher but Jongin still did not understand what he said by being a human butcher.

Jongin wasn’t dense, he was being avoidant and somewhat hopeful that maybe Kyungsoo really meant something else instead.

 

After a while, Kyungsoo walked up to Jongin with a small kit box in his hand. Jongin had finished his meal and Kyungsoo had taken the plastic bag away from him.

Jongin did as was instructed and removed his shirt while Kyungsoo undid the old dressings, disinfected the stab wound- which he had caused in the first place and replaced the bandages with new ones.

Jongin caught himself occasionally holding his breath throughout the entire ordeal, watching Kyungsoo skillfully clean up and bandage his wounds. There was something Jongin was scared of but couldn’t exactly pinpoint.

 

Was he scared that Kyungsoo would hurt or harm him again? What kind of person is Kyungsoo actually? Outside of stabbing and abducting him, Kyungsoo had been rather “okay” to Jongin since he arrived there. Was it alright to actually believe and trust Kyungsoo?

Speaking of which, how long had he been there? Jongin still did not know why he was here either and thought that maybe he should ask.

 

“Hey” Jongin managed to force his voice out.

Kyungsoo was done dressing his wounds and had given more mismatched clothes to wear. Kyungsoo had turned on his heel when Jongin spoke up.

“What may it be?” Kyungsoo inquired, staring down Jongin as usual. Kyungsoo was not wearing a tie that day.

“Why won’t you let me go? I-I don’t see any purpose of me being here”, Jongin nervously tried to negotiate.

“I already told you. I have questions only you can answer for me but not in this state that you are in right now” Kyungsoo firmly explained.

“But you don’t have to keep me here so I can answer it. I promise I’ll answer whatever it is if you let me go. Please” Jongin pleaded with a strong hint of despair.

 

If Jongin wasn’t in too much pain to crawl and grovel at Kyungsoo’s feet, he would have just done that. All Jongin could manage was holding himself up with the frame of the bed while Kyungsoo himself was out of arm’s length.

“Yes, you are right that I don’t necessarily need to keep you locked up here for you to answer my questions. But if I let you go, you will talk. I’m sure of it. There’s no out of here, Jongin. Life is like that. No child asks to be born but here we are anyway”, Kyungsoo laughed loudly at the end of his sentence, throwing his head back as he continued laughing.

What part of it was funny and amusing, Jongin didn’t know. All he knew was that he had to find his way out soon because it didn’t look like Kyungsoo would be letting him go anytime soon.

Kyungsoo was really wrong somewhere up there.

 

 


	3. I Caught You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note the warnings again if you're triggered by gore because it's present in this chapter towards the end of it.

 

Jongin always woke up in the darkness these days. He no longer had any sense or perception of time. It bothered him at first to not know but it soon became the least of worries. Jongin just wanted to find a way out of wherever it was Kyungsoo was holding him.

Jongin didn’t know how much time had passed at all. Kyungsoo wasn’t there all the time and he turned off the lights when he left, leaving Jongin to feign for himself in the darkness.

Kyungsoo left Jongin with the mediocre meals so he still had something to eat even when Kyungsoo wasn’t around. Jongin was honestly sick of it but he couldn’t complain.

Jongin was strong enough to walk now but he was scared of leaving the bed, afraid that he would get lost in the darkness and unable to find his way back to the bed. The bed and the sheets were the only sources of comfort for Jongin in that lost place.

Jongin must have spent a lot of time there because even the pillow and sheets started to smell like him now. Why has no one come for him by now? Did no one miss him or even care?

 

 

“Kyungsoo, please don’t leave me in the dark”, Jongin pleaded on one of those times that Kyungsoo came around.

“Why? Are you scared?” Kyungsoo asked, crouching beside Jongin’s bed to pick up the metal bucket- designated as Jongin’s toilet.

Kyungsoo didn’t seem to mind that it reeked of piss and stools. Even Jongin was slightly embarrassed about it. Every time Kyungsoo was around and came over, he would always empty it and give it back to Jongin.

“I am” Jongin nodded, sitting at the edge of the bed in a large t-shirt and shorts Kyungsoo had given to him.

“No one is afraid of the dark, they’re just afraid of what’s in it. That’s why I gave you sleeping pills. Sleep it off, Jongin.” Kyungsoo chuckled, picking up the bucket and leaving into that room Jongin always saw him go in.

Jongin sat on the bed feeling dumb and dejected. Even if Kyungsoo had not openly or directly degraded him, it sure felt like it to be treated that way.

 

Jongin thought that if he tried feeling his way around the room, he would probably find a light switch of some sorts but he was afraid of angering Kyungsoo by doing so, even if it was for his own sake. Even if Kyungsoo explicitly didn’t say he couldn’t do so.

When Kyungsoo left him alone in the darkness, Jongin practiced standing up and walking around the perimeter of his bed while holding the frame so he would not get lost. Jongin did push up and sit ups on his bed, training his strength to subdue Kyungsoo and force his way out.

Jongin had to take things into his own hand. Kyungsoo didn’t seem like someone who was sane enough to sit down and talk things over with.

The long hours spent alone without being able to see anything was boring and torturous at times. Jongin had not even looked at his own reflection since then and wondered how he even looked like now.

But it was better than facing Kyungsoo’s unexplainable behavior and getting stabbed wasn’t it? It could be better though if Jongin could just escape. How Jongin longed for the freedom that was taken away from him.

 

Jongin didn’t realize or admit it but his heart fluttered and he grew excited whenever he heard Kyungsoo unlocking the door and arriving. Kyungsoo always turned on the lights when he arrived, literally bringing the light into the darkness for Jongin.

Even though Kyungsoo scared Jongin so much even when he wasn’t doing anything remotely offensive, Jongin thought that it was certainly way better than being left alone in the dark with his thoughts.

Jongin’s thoughts and mind were no longer on his side anymore. It actually made him appreciate Kyungsoo’s presence. Maybe this was why people stayed in stale relationships because they are afraid to be alone.

 

 

Jongin woke up again, still not knowing how much time had passed since then. Jongin even began to wonder if the construct of time was even necessary for his situation. Did it even matter?

Jongin did not wake up in the dark this time. The lights were on. The place was very bright and warm this time. It was the first time Jongin had seen the place so bright and well lit. Now that Jongin had a better look, it looked like some sort of loft that was completely sealed off from the outside world without any windows or signs of the outside world.

Kyungsoo was there too. He was writing at a desk, wearing a vest on top of his dress shirt and had his back turned to Jongin.

Jongin heaved a sigh of relief to see Kyungsoo there. Nothing seemed certain to Jongin anymore, considering that he had absolutely no idea of what was going on around him.

Kyungsoo was the only certain thing to Jongin now. Jongin knew he would come and he found comfort in the routine and familiarity.

 

Jongin braved himself to get up and approach Kyungsoo silently. Kyungsoo had sharp ears however and heard Jongin coming towards him.

“Good morning, sunshine,” Kyungsoo remarked, glancing over his shoulder to look at Jongin.

Morning? Is it really morning or was Kyungsoo just saying things?          

Jongin didn’t say anything and continued approaching Kyungsoo at the desk. Upon closer inspection, Jongin was shocked at the sight in front of him. Above Kyungsoo’s desk was a board hung on the wall with scattered and a lot of pictures of Jongin himself. How did he only realize this now?

All the pictures were taken from a distance, such as that of him working at the convenience store or hanging outside his apartment balcony. Jongin obviously did not know about this.

Kyungsoo, of course, noticed Jongin’s mortified expression at the discovery.

“You’ve been watching me?” Jongin gasped.

Kyungsoo did not answer Jongin, returning his attention to the writing on his desk.

“What do you want with me?” Jongin fell to his knees, gasping for air when he realized that he had been stalked and most likely personally targeted by Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo had planned all of this and it was no mistake or unlucky coincidence that Jongin had wanted to believe it was.

 

Kyungsoo shifted in his seat, side facing Jongin and resting an arm on the chair he was sitting on. “What can you offer me?”

Jongin was at a loss for words. What the hell was Kyungsoo talking about? They spoke the same language but everything that came out of Kyungsoo’s mouth seemed foreign and unintelligible to Jongin.

“I don’t understand what you’re talking about” Jongin was starting to pity himself.

“You don’t understand?” Kyungsoo reiterated.

“No” Jongin shook his head, hung low.

 

Kyungsoo got up from the chair, crouching on the floor to meet Jongin’s eye level. Jongin did not lift his head, afraid to meet Kyungsoo’s gaze. Afraid of what might be looking back at him.

Jongin hated himself for thinking that Kyungsoo was still beautiful even after what he had done to Jongin.

“You really don’t know?” Kyungsoo repeated.

“No, I don’t” Jongin choked, tense and scared of Kyungsoo who was so close to him. Too close for comfort.

Jongin let out a whimper when Kyungsoo patted him on the head, another hand of his below Jongin’s chin. Kyungsoo tilted Jongin’s head up by the chin, forcing Jongin to look into Kyungsoo’s eyes.

“You better know then if you want to leave.” Kyungsoo smiled.

Jongin was shaking, unable to move from the spot and on the verge of tears because of how scared he was. How was he supposed to know what it was? Kyungsoo wasn’t being fair. Jongin couldn’t make sense of the entire situation.

Kyungsoo got back to his desk and writing, leaving Jongin to curl up on the floor and sob out his fear and insecurities. Jongin couldn’t find the strength to pick himself up and move back to the bed. Kyungsoo was so cold and the floor even colder.

 

 

Jongin was asleep and he didn’t even remember falling asleep in the first place. Maybe it was the sleeping pills. Sleep did help pass the time like Kyungsoo said it would. Jongin barely had any dreams.

 There were more things he didn’t know these days than the one he knows- or thought he did.

Jongin awoke to Kyungsoo lightly patting him on the cheek. Jongin lazily opened his eyes and was immediately startled to see Kyungsoo.

“You looked like you have seen a ghost” Kyungsoo chuckled, sitting at the edge of the bed.

Jongin did not say anything, his pupils blown with fright and trembling in cold sweat as he slowly backed away from Kyungsoo. If there had to be a ghost, Jongin probably looked like one now.

The place seemed cold today too. It was cold when Kyungsoo left the door to the room open. Jongin proposed that it had to be a walk-in freezer of some sorts especially judging by the heavy door closing it.

 

Kyungsoo held out an arm but Jongin immediately backed away, moving backward till he was almost no longer sitting on the bed.

“Don’t be scared” Kyungsoo held Jongin by the arm, stopping him from leaving or falling off the bed.

Jongin was terrified and Kyungsoo only continued smiling before raising his free hand to caress Jongin’s face. Kyungsoo’s touch was cold but gentle. Kyungsoo was such a contradiction by himself.

Kyungsoo ran a hand through Jongin’s thick hair reassuringly. It was so comforting that Jongin unwillingly leaned into the touch. Even under those circumstances, the touch of a human being melted Jongin and he was weak in Kyungsoo’s hands.

“You’ve been a good boy as of late” Kyungsoo announced, tracing the outline of Jongin’s jaw with his thumb.

Jongin didn’t know how to answer Kyungsoo and only nodded his head, leaning his face on Kyungsoo’s hand, caressing his face fondly.

“Good boys get rewards” Kyungsoo gently mentioned, speaking so gently.

“They do?” Jongin asked submissively, his voice so low and soft.

 

Kyungsoo got up to retrieve a paper bag from his desk before returning to sit down on the bed together with Jongin.

“This is your gift for being a good boy” Kyungsoo passed the paper bag to Jongin.

Jongin accepted the paper bag into his hands and pulled the item out. It turned out to be a small battery powered lantern. Jongin looked around and found the switch on the bottom which he turned on.

Jongin’s face too lit up when he discovered that the batteries were included too and that the lantern could emit light.

“You said you were scared of the dark so I got that for you” Kyungsoo was still smiling. How long had Kyungsoo even maintained that smile?

“Thank you” Jongin’s voice croaked, feeling so ruined to even feel touched by Kyungsoo’s simple gesture.

“Continue to be a good boy, okay? I will get you more things if you do” Kyungsoo patted Jongin on the shoulder before getting up.

 

Kyungsoo headed to the other end of the room where Jongin saw him put his boots, gloves and plastic coveralls on. Kyungsoo picked up a cleaver from his stack of equipment before dragging a large black garbage bag across the floor into the cold room.

Kyungsoo smiled at Jongin from across the room before shutting the door and disappearing in that cold room, to do whatever it was that Kyungsoo did that Jongin didn’t know about.

 

 

Jongin never woke up peacefully anymore. He was always startled or jumped whenever he woke up, feeling a sense of urgency at the same time too.

Jongin woke up in the dark and immediately felt his hand around the bed for the lantern he had placed nearby.

Jongin heaved a sigh of relief when he found it, feeling around the bottom for the switch and turned the lantern on, providing him an ample amount of illumination to work with. Having some amount of light also worked to relieve his nerves.

Jongin felt strong enough now to walk around and he was confident he would be able to run away from Kyungsoo if he ever had to. Even in the dark, Jongin had not been slacking and training his strength with exercises that he could manage.

 

The lights were not turned on when Jongin woke up and he safely assumed that Kyungsoo was not around. Jongin did not see or hear Kyungsoo’s presence, further solidifying his assumptions.

Jongin believed this to be his opportunity. He had some source of light to guide him now. Freedom never felt so close and possible until that moment. It was now or never and Jongin took his chances.

With the lantern in his hand, Jongin rushed to the door which he was sure to be the main door. After all, this was the door that Kyungsoo usually used to come and go.

Jongin twisted the doorknob but of course, it was locked. Kyungsoo would not be that careless. Jongin tried using his strength to shake, pull and tear off the doorknob. It really was built in strong and sturdy. Jongin didn’t manage to undo it with his own hands.

 

Then, Jongin recalled that Kyungsoo kept a stack of equipment on a nearby desk. Jongin rushed to that desk and found various types of tools laid out and properly organized. There were knives of all shapes and sorts, scissors, pliers, picks and even hammers.

Jongin picked the hammer up and returned to the door. Taking a deep breath, Jongin swung the hammer down repeatedly on the doorknob to smash it. It took a while and Jongin was beginning to get scared that Kyungsoo would arrive anytime soon.

Whenever that may be, Jongin was already in trouble if Kyungsoo found him. Jongin knew he might as well finish the job and at least gamble on the chances.

Jongin’s heart was racing and he was pumped full of adrenaline, striving to live and get out of there. Jongin smashed the doorknob up to a point where he could pull it out with his hands, unlocking the deadbolt when it came apart.

Jongin never felt such rush in him when he picked up the lantern and pulled the door open. This was it. He would be free soon.

 

The door opened to a short narrow dark hallway and Jongin ran down it with the lantern in his hand, only to find a steel door in front of him. Jongin tried tapping his knuckle on the door and he could tell it was a very solid and heavy door from the sounds of it.

There was nothing like a doorknob or latch he could smash open either. There was a handle, however. Jongin placed down the lantern on the floor and with all his might and strength, Jongin attempted to pull on the handle to get the door to open.

Jongin failed and failed no matter how hard he tried. He was also sure he had injured his shoulders and muscles from how much they hurt and burned because he had been exerting his body too hard.

It was futile and Jongin collapsed on his legs out of exhaustion.

“I can’t do it. I can’t” Jongin repeated to himself in despair, now crying so hard. Jongin had not cried in years and the worst part was knowing that he had outwitted his self and not even come close.

 

Out of his wits, Jongin slammed his fists on the steel door and cried out for help at the top of his lungs. Maybe there were people outside who would hear him and Jongin took his chances on that. He was desperate and he was unable to save himself.

“Help me please!” Jongin cried out, slamming his fists so hard till it bled and shouting so loud that his throat felt lumpy.

Jongin just wanted to be free. Wasn’t that a human right he deserved? Then again, Kyungsoo couldn’t have been human to do such a thing to him.

“Please…” Jongin gasped, unable to yell anymore. He was at his wit's end and could already taste the defeat.

 

“Please what?”

Jongin heard the voice. It was his voice. Him. Kyungsoo.

It sounded too real for Jongin to be imagining it and he was sure that the voice was just behind him. Jongin slowly turned around and he froze where he stood to see Kyungsoo standing behind him, holding what looked like a power drill in his hand.

“Kyungsoo…” Jongin trailed off.

“What was it you were going to say?” Kyungsoo asked, tilting his hand and looking so blank still.

Jongin was stammering and shaking. His mouth was open but no words came out, only stuttering sounds and the hint of anguish did come out.

 

Kyungsoo closed the gap between them, walking towards Jongin. Jongin had his back to the door and was cornered, unable to go anywhere. Jongin’s mind was screaming at him to tackle Kyungsoo and fight but Jongin couldn’t even move out of the immense fear he felt. Jongin was frozen to his spot.

And then Jongin felt the immense stabbing pain in his thigh which sent his knees bucking beneath him, and falling forwards onto the floor. Kyungsoo stepped aside, watching Jongin fall.

Jongin immediately clutched his leg and it was bright enough to see that there was a nail embedded in his right thigh.

“It’s a nail gun. I like it because it’s handy. I just use the hammer you used just now for tenderizing meat these days, saves me time and energy from all the knocking and swinging.” Kyungsoo cackled, holding up the nail gun before tossing it aside on the floor.

Kyungsoo was really a sick man somewhere up in his head.

 

Kyungsoo dragged a sobbing Jongin by the shoulders up the hallway, back into the loft and into the cold room. It was way cooler inside.

Jongin now found out that it was indeed a large walk-in freezer with what appeared to be headless human bodies hanging from a hook on the railing, displayed like meat at the butchers. On a long steel table in the freezer was another body that looked and smelled very fresh.

So fresh that the smell of human flesh and blood made Jongin feel very sick and nauseous. Jongin wanted to cry but his voice and tears came out no more.

Jongin was still on the cold icy floor and pushed to a wall, only able to look at Kyungsoo and nothing else.

 

Kyungsoo moved to the table with the body lying on it and Jongin saw him stick a hand inside the abdomen of the cadaver. Jongin heard the squelching sounds and gagged but not throwing up yet.

Kyungsoo pulled out the bloody intestines and held it up for Jongin to see, “This can get pretty long you know.”

Kyungsoo’s other hand reached for a scissor on the table, snipping off the intestines and bringing it over to where Jongin was. Jongin backed up even further against the cold wall.

Like it was something amusing to do, Kyungsoo wound the intestines around Jongin’s neck like a necklace and Jongin began to cry, shaking his head. Jongin felt disgusted and uncomfortable but he couldn’t leave due to the nail in his leg. He was too scared to even touch the intestines to take it off, the cold and wet blood running down his neck.

Kyungsoo only smiled and snickered to himself, returning to the table and placing something in Jongin’s lap.

 

Jongin didn’t dare to look down but he did anyway and regretted that he was even born. It was a human head and Jongin only cried dry tears even harder.

“Touch it” Kyungsoo lifted Jongin’s hand to place on the decapitated head.

Jongin couldn’t even move his hand despite how bad it felt to touch it. Jongin didn’t even want to describe the situation.

Kyungsoo’s hand was bloody as he used the same hand to touch Jongin’s face, tracing Jongin’s thick lips with his bloodstained thumb, painting Jongin’s lip with the same blood. Kyungsoo pressed his thumb between the part on Jongin’s lip, pushing and forcing Jongin to open his mouth.

Jongin threw his head to the side and Kyungsoo chuckled, pulling his hand away.

“I hope you like the head and guts. That is your present for being a bad boy.” Kyungsoo teased, poking Kyungsoo on the shoulder and smiling and acting as if it was a funny joke.

“You are a sick man”, Jongin spat, furious. It was the anger that finally put the words in his mouth.

“Am I sick? Or are you?” Kyungsoo laughed in Jongin’s face.

 

  
  



	4. I Gave You

 

After Jongin had failed in his attempt to escape, Kyungsoo had taken away Jongin’s lantern as his punishment for trying to leave. Jongin was left again in the dark all alone and confused, wishing he could leave or at least uncover the mystery that was Do Kyungsoo.

Not that Jongin was even sure if “Do Kyungsoo” really was Kyungsoo’s name. Jongin realized he knew next to nothing about Kyungsoo, his jailer.

Jongin was beginning to think he would actually die first without ever even knowing why he was here or who Kyungsoo really is. Jongin had to know before then. He just had to.

 

* * *

 

 

The dark was a scary place for Jongin at first but he slowly got used to it enveloping and surrounding him. At least Jongin knew he could expect it every time Kyungsoo left. It was one of the few things he was certain and sure of.

The darkness would always be there for him and Jongin slowly forgot how a killer like Kyungsoo actually lived across the street from where he worked- or rather used to.

It seemed like almost everyone probably had passed by or encountered an empathic killer at least once in their lives. Did Jongin really have a choice in that matter?

 

* * *

 

 

Kyungsoo chained Jongin by his ankle to the bedpost so he couldn’t try to leave again. Not that Jongin could even if he wanted to. Jongin did try limping or seeing how far he could go but he could only make it just a few feet away from the bed with the restraints.

Just when his stab wound finally healed enough to move around, he had about a two-inch nail embedded into his thigh with a nail gun. Kyungsoo wasn’t really letting Jongin have any time to breathe and relax.

It was like Jongin is trying to climb a steep mountain but whenever he made it close to the top, Kyungsoo would be there to push him down and make him start over. There were no such things as fair play either but Kyungsoo looked like the last person you would expect to be fair.

 

But it was also Kyungsoo who treated Jongin’s injury- which Kyungsoo had caused too. Kyungsoo was gentle then and made sure Jongin had his dressings changed daily, even administering a tetanus shot to Jongin after the incident.

Not that Jongin was sure either whether it really was a tetanus shot or otherwise. Kyungsoo said it was and Jongin just decided to trust him. From the looks of it, it seemed like Kyungsoo could just get about any drug or medicine he wished to.

And that piqued Jongin’s curiosity even further.

 

* * *

 

 

Kyungsoo also always made sure Jongin was fed- albeit with horrible convenience store food and the same bottle of green tea every day. Jongin was surprised his pee hadn’t turned green yet and he did take the chance to look into that metal bucket potty when the lights were on and Kyungsoo was around.

Jongin wondered why Kyungsoo even bothered to do so for him. Why was he keeping Jongin alive when all the other “people” were obviously dead and dismembered in the freezer just next to him? What made Jongin so important and what did Kyungsoo really want from him?

 

* * *

 

 

When Kyungsoo wasn’t around and Jongin was awake, chained to the bed, left alone with nothing to do in the dark; Jongin would visualize a clock in his imagination and try to accurately time the seconds and ticking of the clock that passed.

It was the closest Jongin got to tell how much time had actually passed since then.

 

At other times, when Jongin grew tired and bored of counting the time, he would sit on the bed and pretend he was there at the convenience store in his blue striped uniform behind the cashier counter.

Jongin would pretend there were customers coming in and he would bow and greet them according to what time of the day he would imagine it to be. Then, he would pretend to scan their items, ring the total up and sort it accordingly into plastic bags.

The free Jongin would have thought that acting like that would be pitiful of him. Would Jongin stoop so low to feel solace in pretending that he was at his job that he didn’t quite like but had to anyway?

However, the captive Jongin found a comforting sense of normalcy in doing so. Jongin was pretty low indeed and he admitted that. He still felt like he loved Kyungsoo after all even through all that.

But, of course, Kyungsoo did not know that.

 

 

When Kyungsoo was around, he would not let Jongin be chained up to the bedpost. Jongin was given the freedom to roam around however his healing leg would let him while Kyungsoo always seemed to be busy and working at his desk or in the freezer.

Kyungsoo was sharpening his cleaver on a sharpening stone one day when Jongin decided to limp up to him and talk. Kyungsoo heard Jongin approaching him and glanced over his shoulder, hands stopping at what he was doing.

“Hmm?” Kyungsoo hummed, acknowledging Jongin’s presence.

Jongin was standing just a few feet behind Kyungsoo, peering over Kyungsoo’s shoulder and deciding to make small talk, “What are you doing?”

“You never saw anyone sharpen a tool before?” Kyungsoo exclaimed, returning to grinding the blade of the cleaver properly on the stone.

“I used to see my grandfather do that with his knives but he would use water on the stone too” Jongin pointed out, nervous at what Kyungsoo would respond to.

“Oh really? What kind of stone did he use? Mine is just store bought” Kyungsoo casually remarked, inspecting the blade on his cleaver.

“I’m not sure about that” Jongin replied.

“I wouldn’t think that you do” Kyungsoo turned at his waist to look at Jongin and smirked.

 

Jongin sort of felt stupid after that conversation while his mind made up several possible scenarios of how he should have handled it better and said different things instead. It was slightly embarrassing to be like that in front of your crush.

More importantly, Jongin also felt weird because he could even feel that way about Kyungsoo. Where did the sense of panic and urgency of being captive by a psycho go to at that time? Why wasn’t Jongin even scared at that time? Why did he feel the need to connect and please Kyungsoo?

Jongin was even more burdened at having more questions than answers as it is.

 

 

The next time, Kyungsoo was at his writing desk, writing away on some papers with his back turned to Jongin. At least Kyungsoo wasn’t out there killing someone to have them chopped up here, Jongin thought.

Jongin once again mustered up the courage and ignored the red flags that were waving at full mast in front of him. Slowly, Jongin approached Kyungsoo and stood a few feet behind the chair but closer than previously.

“Hey, what are you up to?” Jongin asked, cautious with his words, slightly jittery on his feet.

“What is it now?” Kyungsoo dropped the pen from his hand and clicked his tongue, annoyed at Jongin disturbing at him, making him lose his concentration.

“I was just asking what you were up to.” Jongin’s voice was shaky and he wasn’t really expecting for Kyungsoo’s reaction to be like that. Jongin was rather expecting better.

Kyungsoo sighed, palming his face. Jongin took a step back, putting most of his weight on his good leg. Jongin was planning to run back to the bed and hide under the sheets but he would still essentially be stuck with Kyungsoo there.

It would be better for him to “fix” things as it is before Kyungsoo’s mood and temper escalated further. Jongin was scared and disappointed already at the first signs of displeasure which Kyungsoo had exhibited.

 

“It’s ok if you don’t want to answer me. It’s really alright. Please forget I even asked” Jongin desperately wanted to shake the topic off. He was scared of how Kyungsoo would react from thereon.

“Then why did you ask in the first place?” Kyungsoo answered after a moment of silence, without even turning to look towards to Jongin, still focused on the desk in front of him.

Jongin was stunned. At that point, he had not thought things through and was struggling to find the right words he needed to say to please Kyungsoo. Yes, Jongin felt that he needed to be right and needed to please Kyungsoo.

“I just wanted to know what you usually do” Jongin was honest, did not lie but also did not tell the whole truth.

Jongin averted his gaze from looking at Kyungsoo, even if it was only Kyungsoo’s back he was looking at. Kyungsoo’s presence was just way too strong and overwhelming for Jongin to do that.

But Jongin didn’t quite like it either when his eyes had to lie upon the wall where numerous pictures of himself taken without his permission were hung on. Did Kyungsoo really need to maintain that photo collection while Jongin was here in flesh and in person?

Kyungsoo’s mind worked in mysterious ways Jongin did not understand or quite comprehend.

 

“I’m just writing stuff down”, Kyungsoo replied after a long awkward silent pause. “It’s nothing of your concern.”

“Oh,” Jongin gaped, mouth forming the shape of his words.

“What do you want?” Kyungsoo asked, still attentive to his work on the desk and continuing his writing.

“What do I want?” Jongin repeated, unsure of the question that Kyungsoo had thrown at him. Jongin had to second guess Kyungsoo always, leading to doubtful and unsure outcomes.

“I asked you a question. It’s not something you should be having an existential crisis about.” Kyungsoo snarkily replied, back still turned to Jongin.

 

Jongin’s tongue was caught in his own mouth. Around Kyungsoo it felt like he had unlearned everything he knew and had to start from scratch. At this point, Jongin was starting to doubt himself too.

Jongin was pretty sure he spent a good long time in a daze thinking about what Kyungsoo had asked of him. Was he even allowed to tell Kyungsoo what he wanted? Why did Kyungsoo care to know anyway?

More importantly, what would the repercussions be from actually doing that?

 

Jongin only snapped out of that daze when Kyungsoo was heard clearing his throat. Jongin straightened his back at the sudden snap back to reality out of his thoughts, shifting the weight distribution between his legs again.

Jongin did not even realize it but Kyungsoo was now standing up, leaning his lower back on the edge of the desk, arms crossed and looking in Jongin’s direction with blank eyes that looked void of emotion.

“Did you daydream about something nice?” Kyungsoo jeered, slightly smiling.

“N-no” Jongin shook his head, denying it defensively.

“So did you come up with what you want?” Kyungsoo crossed his legs together as he leaned on the edge of the desk.

Abruptly, without thinking much and going by the first thing at the top of his head, Jongin blurted out, “I want company, please. I don’t want to be alone in the dark.”

Kyungsoo looked away, turning his head to the side, “I’ll see what I can do about that but you have to be a good boy first.”

“-but I’ve been good” Jongin outrightly stated, a faint glimmer of hope in his eyes that things might be going better than he thought it to be.

“We’ll see” Kyungsoo cooed, lifting himself off the writing desk and heading to his tool desk. 

 

After that, Jongin felt anxious and hopped back to the bed, throwing the sheets over himself and hiding in the blanket cocoon.

Kyungsoo saw this, rolled his eyes and continued putting on his protective attire before going to work in the freezer. Kyungsoo did not understand Jongin either but Kyungsoo did not spend time mulling and thinking about it.

 

 

Jongin actually fell asleep under the blankets he had hidden under. It was warm underneath there and it was cold outside when Kyungsoo left the freezer door open while he worked in there.

For once, Jongin actually felt comfortable there and was sort of annoyed when he felt someone shake him. But who could it be other than Kyungsoo?

Jongin sat up on the bed and pulled the sheets from over his head, only to stare back at an unfamiliar woman’s face.

 

“Help me” The unknown woman with short blonde hair pleaded to Jongin.

Jongin saw that the woman was chained to the bedpost by her neck but she was sitting on the floor. Jongin himself was not chained up and the lights were on so Kyungsoo must be around he thought, even if Jongin couldn’t tell exactly where Kyungsoo was. The woman’s face was bruised, cut and bloody and her clothes looked dirty and disheveled.

“What are you doing here? Who are you?” Jongin backed away on his bed, distancing himself from the woman.

“I was attacked by some guy when I was entering my car and then he knocked me out. When I woke up, I was here. Please help me.” The woman pleaded, clawing onto the sheets Jongin had used to cover himself.

“Kyungsoo?”

“I don’t know who that is” The woman sobbed, shaking her head and holding her face in her hands, cowering on the floor.

“Why would Kyungsoo bring you here?” Jongin asked, slowly approaching the woman.

“I don’t know. I just don’t know. You have to help me so we can leave and get help” The woman continued crying, tugging onto the chain on her neck.

“-but I can’t leave this place” Jongin stated, feeling bad but also confused.

“I saw some stuff on the table over there we can use to escape. Please, can you go get it” The woman shook, pointing to the desk across the room where Kyungsoo kept his tools.

“I tried but I couldn’t leave either. I have been here for goodness knows how long and he will hurt you if you try” Jongin tried to deny the woman.

 

The woman shrieked, crying, and Jongin just didn’t know what to do. Jongin was at a loss for words and was probably as confused as she was. Jongin didn’t know how to comfort her either because he was literally in the same tight situation as her.

Jongin got up from the bed and limped to the fridge- not the walk-in freezer. Jongin opened the fridge up and saw the convenience store plastic bag which he took out. Sure enough, there was a cold sandwich and a half-full bottle of green tea in there.

Then, Jongin limped back to the bed and handed it to the woman, “Here, have something to eat.”

 

The woman glared back at Jongin before slapping his hand away.

“You’re not hungry?” Jongin asked, peering at the woman crouching on the floor from the edge of the bed.

“I just want to leave and you’re not helping me” The woman snapped in tears.

“I can’t leave, I told you that. It’s not like I didn’t try.” Jongin tried to sound gentle and calm as possible.

The woman looked away from Jongin, hiding her face and Jongin just didn’t know what to do.

 

 

Jongin was thinking of things to say when he heard the door open- which Kyungsoo had fixed since Jongin’s escape attempt.

Kyungsoo entered the place with his usual blank face, wearing his usual business suit, glaring at Jongin and the sobbing woman. In his hand, he held the convenience store plastic bag.

The woman cowered, sobbing harder and shouting”no” seeing Kyungsoo come in.

 

Kyungsoo approached the both of them, standing near the bed.

Glaring down at Jongin, Kyungsoo spoke, “So? I brought you some company. Are you still lonely?”

“What?” Jongin was astonished. Jongin wished he was dumb and didn’t understand the whole thing.

“You said you were lonely and wanted company so I brought her here. Don't you like her? You want another girl?” Kyungsoo dropped the plastic bag onto the mattress beside Jongin.

“T-That’s not what I meant” Jongin stammered, shaking and anxious.

So it really was his fault that the poor woman was here in the first place. If Jongin knew that this would be the outcome, he wouldn’t have asked such a thing from Kyungsoo in the first place.

Kyungsoo was a madman as he was unreasonable.

“So, you don’t like her? Look at her; she has a good dye job and expensive haircut with good clothes. Don't you like high-class girls? I thought everyone does.” Kyungsoo frowned, “You should have been specific then.”

“No no” Jongin shook his head, continuously denying it.

 

The woman in question was curling herself up on the floor, staying silent out of fear but obviously shaking.

“Then? What is it that you’re not satisfied with? You like men instead?” Kyungsoo looked confused and Jongin forgot how dangerous this man actually was.

Jongin did not deny that question. He remained silent, pursed his lips and grabbed the sheets below him. Jongin hated himself for actually liking Kyungsoo

“So you do” Kyungsoo disapprovingly shook his head, “Then, we have no use for her.”

 

The woman’s head shot up when she heard Kyungsoo say that, pulling on her restraints in an attempt to break free. When she realized that was futile, she grabbed onto Kyungsoo’s leg, pleading and begging for her life.

Jongin backed away, getting up from the bed and pressing his back to the adjacent wall, not wanting to get involved. Jongin wanted to help the woman and thought that they could probably take Kyungsoo down with their combined effort.

But Jongin had failed before and he didn’t want to fail again, fearing the consequences and Kyungsoo’s reaction.

“Please. I don’t want to die. Help me” The woman continued yelling.

 

Kyungsoo managed to pry her away from him, moving closer to Jongin where she couldn’t reach them due to the chain on her neck. The bed was bolted to the floor and she was essentially stuck there.

“She’s livelier than you” Kyungsoo chuckled, facing Jongin.

“What are you going to do with her?” Jongin was squeamish but asked anyway. If she died, he knew it would be on him.

“Well, I don’t want her. Do you? You know I can’t keep two people here- alive at least” Kyungsoo asked, acting as if it was a normal thing to ask.

“What will you do if I say no?” Jongin gulped, not ready to hear the answer to that.

Kyungsoo opened his mouth to speak and reply to Jongin, but the woman let out a deafening yell that hurt both Jongin and Kyungsoo’s ear to ear.

“God, you’re loud” Kyungsoo was visibly annoyed, “This place is soundproof. Shouting isn’t going to get you anywhere.”

Jongin didn’t know that earlier but he did now. It was disheartening to know but that explained why no one heard him either or came for him when he tore the skin on his fists and damaged his vocal cord, from shouting and beating the door so hard asking for help.

 

Kyungsoo stepped away to his tool desk and Jongin saw him pick up a knife. Jongin was frozen out of shock. He knew what Kyungsoo would do but he couldn’t do anything about it either even if he wanted to. Fear froze him to the ground.

Jongin had seen the dead bodies but he never knew those people or seen how they died. Seeing a person die or killed in front of him was a whole different thing.

 

Jongin would never forget the look on the woman’s eyes when Kyungsoo drove the knife into the back of her neck, where the blade came out sticking from the other end.

“Shh, don’t pull the knife out. Well, you will die anyway because I hit your major arteries but I don’t want to deal with the spray of blood.” Kyungsoo had told the woman, patting her on the head.

It was almost similar to what he had told Jongin when Jongin had been stabbed in the side by Kyungsoo. Except for this time, she had no chance to survive.

Jongin would never forget the struggling and choked sounds she made or the squirms of her body when she died. She could have been someone’s wife, mother, daughter, and Jongin would never know.

 

“Next time, be specific. This is on you” Kyungsoo pointed out, casually.

Kyungsoo moved to his desk and took off his coat, putting on his protective gear over his clothes which Jongin said to be that of a butcher’s.

Kyungsoo undid the chains around the now dead woman’s neck and carried her into the freezer. It was the same chain Kyungsoo had used to chain Jongin to the bed.

Jongin had not moved from his spot, looking at the pool of blood on the floor. The only thing his mind could think of was how to clean that mess up.  He refused to remember or acknowledge that a human had died in front of him. His mind was shut off in a defense mechanism from the trauma.

 

Kyungsoo emerged from the freezer again and called Jongin out, “You’re going to make yourself useful since this is your entire fault. You will help me.”

Kyungsoo rummaged through his drawers and moved over to Jongin, handing another plastic coverall, gloves, and rubber boots.

“What is this for?” Jongin furrowed his eyebrows.

“You’re the assistant butcher today” Kyungsoo grinned.

 

 


	5. I Withheld you

 

“Move. Go in” Kyungsoo pushed Jongin by the shoulders, towards the open door of the walk-in freezer.

Jongin was reluctant, he didn’t want to be in there but he didn’t dare to defy Kyungsoo either. The freezer was for obvious reasons very cold, which was why Kyungsoo left the door open when he worked in there.

Also, the stench of human flesh and dried blood permeated the air in there and it was just too much for Jongin to handle.

 

 “Hold this,” Kyungsoo mentioned, handing the cleaver to Jongin, and pushing him closer to the work table in the freezer.

Jongin stared horrifyingly at the cleaver, which had been used to cut a numerous number of people, and threw it to the ground before crouching himself onto the floor so Kyungsoo could not push him further towards the stainless steel table, where the recently deceased woman’s body was laid out on.

Not to mention the other bodies hung from the metal hook and several other chopped up bits in trash bags at one corner.

 

“Oh, come on. You eat meat all the time, don’t you? I bet you’ve been to the meat section down at the supermarket. This isn’t any different.” Kyungsoo tried to pull Jongin by the arm, getting him to stand up.

“No” Jongin shook his head, refusing Kyungsoo, “This isn’t the same.”

“How come? Humans are animals too. You didn’t learn that in school?” Kyungsoo cocked his head to the side, pulling on Jongin’s arm, trying to get Jongin to stand up.

“-but humans don’t chop up other humans” Jongin firmly replied back.

“I get paid good money for this” Kyungsoo expressed, releasing the hold he had on Jongin’s arm.

 

Jongin, out of fear, remained crouched on the icy floor of the freezer. Even then, Jongin could spot the frozen and dried blood stains on the ice under the dim glow of the lighting in there.

Kyungsoo had moved to the stainless steel table he uses to work at, leaving Jongin crouching on the floor with his head between his legs. Jongin was beginning to feel cold and he refused to look up nor leave out of fear at what he would see.

But Jongin could hear the sounds Kyungsoo made while he was at “work” just beside Jongin. Kyungsoo did say he was paid money for this and that itself was a clue piece in figuring out the mystery that was Kyungsoo.

So Kyungsoo was actually hired by someone to do all this work?

Jongin had been under the assumption that Kyungsoo killed for fun and picked random people off the streets as his victims; just like the woman he had kidnapped earlier on and killed shortly after. So, that wasn’t the case?

Although Jongin was scared, he felt like he had to know. He was already trapped here anyway and if he died without knowing who Kyungsoo really was, it would have all gone to waste.

 

Jongin got up and felt squeamish when he saw what Kyungsoo was currently doing. Jongin gagged and had to take a few steps back.

“What’s wrong? Scared of a little bit of blood?” Kyungsoo chuckled.

“What on earth are you doing? She’s dead already” Jongin gagged again, cupping a hand over his mouth.

“Hey, don’t throw up here. Do it in your bucket outside.” Kyungsoo warned, using his bloody knife to point outside the freezer door left wide open.

 

Jongin could feel the acidic taste of regurgitation in his mouth and throat, threatening to spill out any moment now. Unsurprisingly, it tasted like bottle green tea and convenience store food. Fortunately for Jongin, he managed to stop before making a mess out of himself.

Kyungsoo was slicing up the woman’s body at the thighs and stabbing her chest in precise locations. The table was specifically made for collecting fluids which drained into a bucket on the floor. Jongin saw the blood draining into the bucket and filling it up.

Kyungsoo saw Jongin watching him and stared back as he pressed down onto the woman’s chest repeatedly. Whenever Kyungsoo did that, more blood would flow out of the cuts he made.

 

“You have to drain the body of the blood first. It’ll make disposing of easier and you won’t mess up so much when cutting it later. Funeral houses do this too you know for embalming.” Kyungsoo disclosed, emotionlessly and flatly.

“Why go through all that trouble? Why don’t you just send the body back to her family? They can just arrange the funeral.” Jongin winced, watching Kyungsoo do his work.

“Then you think they won’t call the police and investigate her death? So far, none of the bodies I have disposed of have ever been found. Without a body, the police can’t officially declare it a death or murder. They just label the person missing and their families are left to decide whatever is next.” Kyungsoo proudly announced, spreading his arms open and puffing his chest.

“How is that any better?” Jongin sneered, annoyed that Kyungsoo would take pride in such a thing.

“Well, I don’t get caught so much better” Kyungsoo laughed, walking past Jongin and reaching for the cleaver on the ground.

 

With a hammer and the cleaver, Kyungsoo began hacking away at the body to cut off the limbs. The hammer was to break the bones and the cleaver to cut it off after.

“Do you really need to do that? Can’t you respect the dead and just bury her like that?” Jongin was irritated and almost angry at Kyungsoo.

“I don’t run a funeral house, Jongin. If I wanted to bury a body in a whole, you’d see ‘Kyungsoo’s funeral house’ on the signboard outside.” Kyungsoo rolled his eyes and shook his head. “It’s easier to dispose of a body in parts, okay.”

 

It took a while but Kyungsoo managed to remove and separate the woman’s arms and legs from her torso. Jongin stood there watching, unmoving and strangely intrigued at what Kyungsoo was doing. Not everyone would get the chance to see this happening in front of their eyes and it made Jongin curious to see how a dismembered human body would look like.

Kyungsoo was right. There wasn’t much of a difference.

Jongin didn’t even realize how desensitized he was becoming to the situation. But it wasn’t like he had a choice either. He could either go crazy because he was helpless and powerless to fix this situation or he could unwillingly accept things as they are to maintain whatever shred of sanity he had left in him.

 

“Hey, you’re done daydreaming yet?” Kyungsoo called out and Jongin snapped out of his daze.

“Uh…what?” Jongin spaced out.

Kyungsoo sighed, “Go get me the pliers on the table outside. Make yourself useful. I have to do all of this and I’m not getting paid for it because you couldn’t make up your mind- and then I still have to clean all that blood.”

“Yes, sure” Jongin rushed out of the freezer and looked around Kyungsoo’s tool desk for what he thought was the pair of pliers that Kyungsoo meant.

Jongin wasn’t even thinking much. He had been conditioned to listen and comply with everything Kyungsoo told him to do lest he wanted to be punished.

Jongin couldn’t even think of defying Kyungsoo. The thought seemed too farfetched and Kyungsoo was way too powerful here.

 

Jongin handed the pair of pliers to Kyungsoo who actually mumbled a low “thanks”.

Jongin gasped when he saw that the woman’s head had been cut off by the neck and was now lying somewhere on her stomach.

“Hold her jaw open” Kyungsoo ordered.

“Hold what open?” Jongin slightly flinched at the order.

“I have to pull her teeth out. Hold down her jaw like I said” Kyungsoo repeated, swinging the pair of pliers in his hand.

 

Jongin took a deep breath and pulled his hand away many times whenever he tried to comply and touch the severed head. Even if Jongin was wearing gloves over his hands, he still couldn’t bear to do it.

“I can’t” Jongin refused, shaking his head and balling up his fists.

“I can’t believe I have to deal with this” Kyungsoo glared, disbelievingly and disappointed at Jongin.

 

Kyungsoo grabbed both of Jongin’s hands with his own and placed it on the jaw of the severed head’s, moving Jongin’s fingers to spread the jaw open.

“There, just hold it like that. It’s not that hard, isn’t it? Is it too difficult for you?” Kyungsoo jeered, lifting his hands off of Jongin’s

Jongin screwed his eyes tightly shut and turned his head away, hands frozen and glued out of fear to comply with Kyungsoo’s wants.

 

 

Jongin kept his eyes closed, his hands unmoving and doing what Kyungsoo had asked of him to hold the jaw open. Jongin could hear the sounds that Kyungsoo made while he was pulling out the teeth one by one.

It sounded like little rocks and stones being tapped against each other. Visualizing that image was way better than opening his eyes and looking at what was really going on.

The reality wasn’t on Jongin’s side anymore these days. It was the fantasy and ignorance or disbelief that kept Jongin in check now. Jongin was sure he would have gone crazy if not for that.

 

Jongin felt a hand tap him on the back and he slightly jumped.

Kyungsoo laughed, “Don’t worry. It’s just me. You can let go now. I’m done here.”

Jongin immediately pulled his hands back away from the head and ran out of the freezer, without even looking once at the “work” Kyungsoo had done.

Kyungsoo yelled to Jongin, “Take off the gear first.”

Jongin stopped in his tracks when he heard Kyungsoo’s orders. Jongin was now outside the freezer but still by the door. He hadn’t run off far.

Immediately, Jongin took off the gloves first followed by the boots and then the plastic coveralls. Jongin threw it all onto the tool desk beside him before running back to his bed and hopping over the blood stain to avoid stepping into it.

Jongin hid under the sheets, cocooning himself in the confines of the blankets. It was the safest and furthest he felt from the horror that was just beside him.

It provided Jongin a false sense of security from Kyungsoo and his ordeals, despite fully knowing that Kyungsoo could choose to hurt Jongin as he pleased. There was really no true escape but it was that fantasy of being alright and safe that kept Jongin alive and going.

Kyungsoo finished up the work by himself, separating the severed body parts into several thick black bin bags and making sure to seal it up properly after.

There were conditions to determine whether Kyungsoo would just leave a body- or rather its parts and let it freeze or actually dispose of it after. Since Kyungsoo was actually doing this for free without being paid, he decided to leave it in the freezer indefinitely this time around.

Kyungsoo wasn’t going to do more hard work and risk himself for free.

After that, Kyungsoo would properly scrub the table with hydrogen peroxide to remove the blood, stench and leftover bits of flesh and bones which he collected into the bucket.

Kyungsoo would seal up the bucket labeled “toxic waste” before disposing of it in an incinerator belonging to a waste management company located downtown.

 

Kyungsoo cleaned up the blood stain on the floor beside Jongin’s bed, left from the stabbing earlier on. Kyungsoo made sure his floors were sealed and non-porous so the blood would not be retained.

Kyungsoo wiped up the blood with rags which he would later add into the toxic waste bucket to be burnt. Kyungsoo made sure to use water and hydrogen peroxide after to get rid of the hemoglobin stains.

It sure did take a while and Kyungsoo wasn’t getting paid or compensated for any of this. But, Kyungsoo was already too tired to scold and tell off Jongin for this. It had already happened anyway.

 

After cleaning up, Kyungsoo was ready to leave and go home. It was about that time he usually returned home in the morning. Kyungsoo picked up his coat hanging from the arm of his chair and put it on, buttoning it up.

Kyungsoo saw that Jongin was still hiding under the sheets, his body forming a visible heap under the blankets. Kyungsoo had assumed Jongin was sleeping due to how quiet and unmoving he was.

But Kyungsoo noticed some movements and the faint sounds of the sheets rustling beneath Jongin.

 

Slowly, Kyungsoo approached Jongin and plopped himself down onto the bed, his weight shifting the mattress.

Jongin sure felt and heard Kyungsoo approaching before sitting on the mattress beside him.

“I know you’re awake” Kyungsoo declared, poking a finger at Jongin beneath the covers.

Jongin pushed the blankets off himself and huffed, sitting up and looking annoyed at Kyungsoo. “Leave me alone. Just go and turn off the lights. I don’t care.”

“What are you so mad about?” Kyungsoo asked, really not understanding why Jongin would be so upset.

 

Kyungsoo, asking that question actually made Jongin even more irritated. Who wouldn’t be upset at being an unwilling accomplice to a murder? Then, Jongin thought that Kyungsoo likely wouldn’t be upset at all in that situation.

It was hopeless to even try explaining things or talking to Kyungsoo. Of course, he wouldn’t understand and Jongin remained silent, withholding his frustration. Jongin had no power here.

 

Kyungsoo noticed Jongin’s silence and responded, “So, what do you want now?”

“What do you mean by that now?” Jongin hissed, being bitter about the whole situation.

“Well, you’ve been good lately and I’ll get you something for that.” Kyungsoo smiled but it looked so ominous.

“There’s a catch, isn’t it? You are weird” Jongin pulled up the sheets over his legs to cover his body.

“You have to be specific this time then. You said you like men so what kind do you want me to find for you?” Kyungsoo asked, leaning back on the bedpost.

“No” Jongin spat, “I don’t want anyone. You’re sick.”

“You have to tell me what you want. I don’t read minds, silly.” Kyungsoo grinned, looking so menacing still.

“I want to leave this place.” Jongin firmly mentioned.

“-anything but that” Kyungsoo responded, stretching out his legs on the bed beside Jongin.

“I’m useless here! Why do you even want me? Just let me go!” Jongin raised his voice, exasperatedly, hands clutching onto the sheets.

“You still haven’t told me what I want to hear so I can’t let you go until then” Kyungsoo glared daggers towards Jongin.

“What do you even want to know!? I just work at a convenience store for a minimum wage salary. Do you think I know anything you’d be interested in?” Jongin was so tired and out of his wits to even hold a conversation with Kyungsoo.

It was indeed very frustrating and nerve wrecking. Jongin really was wrong about Kyungsoo from the beginning.

 

“You think I’d believe you when you’ve been watching me every day for months? For all I know, you’re working there just as a cover.” Kyungsoo calmly commented, crossings his ankles over the other on the bed.

Jongin dryly chuckled, beyond frustrated and pressed his palms to his face, silently screaming into his hands.

There was no use. It was hopeless and futile to talk things over with someone like Kyungsoo. As if, Jongin ever had any expectations to even begin with.

 

Jongin took a few deep breaths before lifting his face out of his hands and continuing to speak out of patience and exasperation, no longer fearing the consequences that might befall him.

“You know why I watched you?” Jongin gritted his teeth.

“Why?” Kyungsoo asked blankly.

“-because I was fucking in love with you. I had a crush on you. I liked you!” Jongin yelled, throwing a pillow towards Kyungsoo. “-but that’s all in the past now. Who could ever be in love with a psycho like you?”

Kyungsoo blocked the pillow with his arm, where it fell into his lap. Kyungsoo was silent, remained expressionless and didn’t break the eye contact from Jongin, a contrast to Jongin who was fuming mad at Kyungsoo.

 

“Do you even know what love is?” Kyungsoo responded with a question after a while. Kyungsoo wasn’t even being sarcastic or mean with his question.

Jongin sighed at Kyungsoo’s statement, pulled his sheets over his head again and hid under the sheets imagining a ticking clock and counting the seconds that passed. Jongin completely ignored Kyungsoo, refusing to speak with him.

Kyungsoo tried tapping on Jongin beneath the sheets, “Hey, get out of there so we can talk.”

“No. I don’t want to. Just go and leave the lights on.” Jongin refused from beneath the sheets, pushing Kyungsoo away from the cover of the fabric.

There was just no way Jongin believed he could ever properly deal with Kyungsoo.

 

After a while, Kyungsoo gave up and left, leaving the lights turned on this time as Jongin instructed. Kyungsoo was so far gone in his head that he didn’t even realize before this that Jongin actually didn’t like being left in the dark.

Even after Jongin had pleaded so many times to not be left in the dark, Kyungsoo never paid mind to it until Jongin had snapped in front of him today.

No one had ever snapped or lost their temper in front of Kyungsoo. He was confused and kept thinking about it during the drive back to his red-brick apartment block, located across the road from the convenience store where Jongin worked at.

 

It was around ten in the morning and Kyungsoo felt like he should drop by the convenience store, which he often did not do at that time of the day.

Kyungsoo stepped through the automatic sliding doors as the bell chimed and Sehun, who was on the shift, greeted him.

Kyungsoo pretended to smile, acknowledging the greeting before heading to the fridge and food rack as always to pick up the bottled green tea and this time, some bulgogi meat with rice. The food was noticeably better in the morning but Kyungsoo never cared about that.

 

Kyungsoo placed the items onto the counter and muttered, “That is all.”

“That will be 11,980 won”, Sehun totaled up the items and bagged it too for Kyungsoo

 

When Sehun passed the change back, Kyungsoo received a flier alongside the money, with Jongin’s face printed on it and details in the text below it.

“This is one of our employees and my friend, Kim Jongin. He went missing over a month ago but the police are unable to find him so we decided to act by ourselves. There’s a phone number below that so feel free to call us if you or know of anyone who has seen him”, Sehun explained, handing the flier to Kyungsoo.

“Yeah sure” Kyungsoo muttered, taking the flier into his hand and looking at the picture of Jongin printed on it. “Are the police still looking for him?”

“They were at first when we reported him missing but it got complicated because the police say that they cannot find legal records of Jongin ever being a resident of this country. It turns out that all his documents were forged too.” Sehun further explained, looking solemn. “The police are not spending their resources to look for an illegal alien and he will be arrested if caught. If he really is North Korean, it’s not like we can just contact them to help us find Jongin too.”

“I see” Kyungsoo nodded his head. “I’ll let you know if see this Jongin boy.”

 

Kyungsoo returned to his apartment, parking his car behind the building. After putting his shopping down, Kyungsoo dialed a number to someone in the business that he knew.

“How much are you going to charge me for a list of all the males you’ve illegally smuggled from North Korea into this country?” Kyungsoo asked over the phone, peering through the blinds at his window.

“Why do you want to know? That is going to cost you a lot” The voice over the phone replied.

“I’m just looking to see if you happened to smuggle this one boy I’m working with,” Kyungsoo replied.

“Well, you don’t need a list for that then. Just send me a picture or something and I’ll let you know for a small price.” The man over the voice then laughed, “-working with? I bet he’s chopped up in a trash bag somewhere isn’t he, Kyungsoo.”

Kyungsoo did not even respond to that, getting straight to the point, “I’ll send you a picture. Just tell me what the price is.”

 

Jongin wasn't the only one of the two who wanted to know about the other.

 

 

 


	6. I Revealed You

 

Kyungsoo slammed the car boot shut, another nameless dead body lying in a body bag in there, before walking around his car to address the man standing nearby.

Kyungsoo’s expensive black car was parked outside a warehouse in an abandoned part of town, mostly used for underground and illicit black market dealings. Kyungsoo was dressed smartly in his three-piece suit and he always wore his best on the job. This was the world Kyungsoo lived and dealt with.

 

“I’ll get rid of the body like you want me to but we had a deal and you’ll tell me what I want to know” Kyungsoo reminded the man, checking the time on his wristwatch.

The man was the very informant and renowned smuggler of the Seoul crime underworld whom Kyungsoo had talked to over the phone known as Choi Jisook, a middle-aged man of average height with a receding hairline who mostly dealt in smuggling humans, weapons and illegal substance into the country.

 

Kyungsoo was a freelancer and thus had the freedom to choose whom he worked for. Kyungsoo worked for any highest bidder who would be willing to pay him to take out and dispose of their enemies.

Despite that, the mob was wary of Kyungsoo and cautious when dealing with him due to his lack of loyalty to any party. Kyungsoo could kill the same person who had just hired him previously without any guilt or remorse if he was paid to do so. Loyalty was a strong ethic taken seriously in the mafia and Kyungsoo just happened to not have any to anyone but himself.

 

But still, Kyungsoo was undeniably the best in his job and no one could deny that especially when they needed his services. Once Kyungsoo had a target, they would disappear without a trace and would never be heard of again.

Here, Kyungsoo found himself hired by Jisook once again, a regular and frequent customer of his.

 

“Of course” Jisook snickered to himself, arms folded over his chest and a cigarette hanging from his lips.

“So, what is the answer?” Kyungsoo demanded with a straight face, wind blowing through the evening air and ruffling his neatly combed hair.

“The answer is that I don’t know,” Jisook answered, grinning slyly.

“What do you mean you don’t know? We had a deal.” Kyungsoo felt irritated to hear such an answer.

“I said I have no idea who that person is in the picture you sent me. We have no records of such a person and did you just send us a missing person poster?” Jisook removed the cigarette in his mouth, holding it with his fingers.

“Yes. That’s the person I want information about” Kyungsoo stated, monotonously.

“-and we don’t have any information on the said person. I have never dealt or smuggled a man who looks like that by the name of Kim Jong whatever. I tried asking around for your sake and nobody knows too.” Jisook shrugged, leaning against his own car with his bodyguards surrounding him.

“Fine then, We’re done here” Kyungsoo hissed, holding the handle to the car door open.

“Wait. Why are you interested in a missing person anyway? Aren’t you the person who makes people go missing?” Jisook asked, laughing to himself, slightly taunting Kyungsoo.

“That’s none of your business” Kyungsoo growled, entering his car and slamming the door shut.

As Kyungsoo drove off, Jisook turned to one his men, whispering, “Get someone to follow him.”

 

 

Kyungsoo, as usual, parked in the back alley of the building where his loft was located at. It was an old four-story apartment building in an old dead part of town where anyone hardly lived at. The building was flanked and surrounded by lots of similarly abandoned buildings, making it perfect for Kyungsoo to be unseen.

The sun hardly shone between the buildings even in the middle of the day.

Kyungsoo bought and owned the entire building with cash. It had come cheap and it was too strategic for him to let go of the deal. Kyungsoo’s profession paid him ridiculously well enough that he was able to afford such a thing.

 

Kyungsoo dragged the body bag from the boot of his car into the back entrance lobby of the building before stuffing it into the service elevator which only opened up on the top floor.

Kyungsoo, himself, walked up the flight of stairs to the top floor where there were only his loft and no other units.

There were no other tenants in the apartment block. It was just empty, abandoned, uninhabited units. Kyungsoo, as the landlord, had no interest in letting people rent the place out either. Despite that, Kyungsoo still made sure there were water, power, and heat running through the building to give it the illusion that it was not really inhabited.

Now, only Jongin stayed there, albeit unwillingly. Kyungsoo saw Jongin more of a guest instead of as an involuntary tenant.

 

Kyungsoo dragged the body bag out of the service elevator and up to the reinforced steel door to his loft. Kyungsoo had to get a door made for safes, which was also soundproof and bulletproof, installed after someone had managed to break in a few months ago.

The intruder had been sent by a mafia group who was displeased with Kyungsoo killing one of their members, having been hired by their rivals to dispose of said person. It didn’t go well for the intruder either and the mafia paid off Kyungsoo to settle the situation without any more bloodshed.

 

Kyungsoo unlocked the security verification code on the door before entering down the hallway of his loft, securing the first door and dragging the body behind him to unlock the second set of doors.

Kyungsoo entered his loft to find Jongin asleep on the bed, his waist down below the blankets and back turned towards Kyungsoo.

The lights were on and Kyungsoo remembered having left them on because Jongin had asked to. Kyungsoo wondered if Jongin was still mad at him for the last time but Kyungsoo did not want to wake up Jongin yet.

 

Kyungsoo took off his coat and tie, setting it aside on his writing desk, before putting on the protective gear and dragging the body bag into the freezer.

The room was cold when Kyungsoo worked because he left the freezer door open. Before Kyungsoo got to work, he walked up to Jongin’s sleeping figure on the bed and pulled the blanket up to Jongin’s shoulder to cover his body from the cold.

Jongin remained sleeping and Kyungsoo hoped that Jongin would not be mad at him anymore when he got up.

 

Kyungsoo did not understand the anger and why Jongin felt that way. Kyungsoo didn’t believe he had done anything wrong for Jongin to be angry at. Why would Jongin even be mad because Kyungsoo killed and chopped up an innocent woman? Kyungsoo did it every day and no one had gotten mad at him for that.

Kyungsoo did not understand rejection. He had never been rejected or refused in his entire life. No one had ever said no to Kyungsoo and everyone always gave him what he wanted.

Kyungsoo did not understand why he felt what he did when Jongin said he didn't love Kyungsoo anymore. No one ever rejected Kyungsoo or called him crazy but why did Jongin do so? Kyungsoo didn’t know where he did wrong but he knew he just wanted that approval from Jongin so badly.

Who was Jongin anyway? Kyungsoo wanted to know that too.

All these feelings and things were new and foreign even for someone like Kyungsoo.

 

 

When Jongin woke up, Kyungsoo was done “working” on the body and was seated at his writing desk writing down notes. Kyungsoo heard the sound Jongin made when he woke up.

“Good morning, sunshine” Kyungsoo greeted, glancing over his shoulder to smile at Jongin.

“Morning? What time is it really? I have no idea about those things anyway since you started locking me up here” Jongin snapped, still sounding angry and annoyed at Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo looked to the expensive wristwatch he wore and read the time out for Jongin, “It’s 6.10am.”

“So it is morning” Jongin grunted, “I’m hungry.”

“I’ll get some food for you”, Kyungsoo got up from his chair and headed to the fridge to retrieve the convenience store food for Jongin.

 

Kyungsoo stood by the bed while Jongin looked into the plastic bag about to begin eating. Kyungsoo was unmoving and watched Jongin so intently as if he was an exhibit to be stared at.

“What are you looking at? Don’t you have someone to chop up?” Jongin snarkily commented. “Did you finally decide to kill me too since you have no use for me too? I already told you why I was watching you all these while. Aren’t you satisfied?”

“No. I’m not” Kyungsoo answered, bluntly.

Jongin sighed, pressing his hand to his forehead, “What do you want me to tell you now?”

“You said you used to love me. What is love and why don’t you love me anymore?” Kyungsoo questioned, with one hand in the pocket of his trousers.

“Go look it up in a dictionary or something” Jongin snapped, hiding under the blankets again to avoid Kyungsoo while he ate.

 

Kyungsoo sighed, slouching his shoulders and returned back to his desk where he wrote the words “love” over and over again repeatedly on several pages on his notebook.

When Kyungsoo left several hours later, he actually stopped by a bookstore to buy a dictionary and look up the word “love”.

Unsatisfied, with the answer the dictionary gave him, Kyungsoo returned to the bookstore to buy all the dictionaries so he could look up the word “love” but still, he didn’t understand no matter how hard he tried to understand those words.

 

 

Kyungsoo did not return to the loft for several days after that. No phone calls for work came in either so Kyungsoo couldn’t be bothered to leave. Kyungsoo was afraid of facing an angry Jongin in the loft and avoided going there on purpose.

Kyungsoo tried looking up the definition for “angry” in the dictionary but he still did not understand. It was not like he didn’t understand the language or the words printed on the paper. Kyungsoo was well proficient in the Korean language but he just couldn’t understand it no matter how hard he tried.

 

 

Kyungsoo was trembling. He woke up already shaking and sat by the window all day, only getting up to go down to the convenience store across the street to buy food.

Kyungsoo wished he could still see Jongin there at the convenience store and outside from his window, but that was not possible now. Kyungsoo was the reason why Jongin was not there. It was his fault.

Kyungsoo missed Jongin and talking to him but he was still very scared of that unknown feeling he felt when Jongin rejected and got angry at him.

 

Feelings were complicated. Killing people was way easier and Kyungsoo regretted not killing Jongin in the first place. It would have solved all his problems. Kyungsoo would just have to fix things by getting rid of Jongin and pretending it never happened.

 

 

Kyungsoo finally left his apartment to go to work and visit the loft about a week later when he received a call to dispose of a body.

Kyungsoo picked up the body and drove it back to the abandoned building his loft was located at. Kyungsoo thought that he should ask how Jongin wanted to die too, so he could just do the job and get rid of the weird feeling in his heart.

 

When Kyungsoo walked through the door of his loft, dragging the body bag behind him, Jongin immediately came running towards him. Kyungsoo had left the lights on this time too.

“Where were you? You were gone for so long! Did you just kidnap me to lock me up here then forget about me?” Jongin yelled in Kyungsoo’s face, pulling on Kyungsoo’s collar.

Kyungsoo was stunned, pulled forward towards Jongin. He didn’t understand why Jongin would be mad at being left behind. The body bag just laid on the floor forgotten beside their feet.

“Why are you mad at me?” Kyungsoo asked, not resisting against Jongin.

“Why am I mad at you!? You left me for a long time and didn’t even come for me. I ran out of food and this whole place smells like my piss. You already keep me locked up here so do your responsibility and come check up on me at least.” Jongin continued yelling into Kyungsoo’s face.

“B-but I’m here now” Kyungsoo stated, looking back into Jongin’s eyes with their faces so close to each other.

 

Jongin heaved a sigh and released the grasp he had on Kyungsoo’s collar, moving backward and back to his bed, hiding under the blanket.

Jongin had not eaten in days after clearing the fridge from all the leftover convenience store food and green tea. He had a headache and he was too weak and hungry to argue anymore.

 

Kyungsoo took a few minutes more before he was able to regain his composure and move. He was still in shock and stood frozen to his spot after having Jongin confront him like that.

Kyungsoo dumped the body bag in the freezer but did not start working on it. Instead, he walked up to the bed and tried talking to Jongin.

 

“Jongin, get up. We need to talk” Kyungsoo sat on the bed, shaking Jongin’s figure under the blankets.

“Get me some food first then we’ll talk and change that bucket” Jongin ordered, voice muffled from beneath the sheets.

“But it’s important that I need to talk to you” Kyungsoo stressed.

“Don’t make me repeat myself and go get yourself a stable personality too while you’re at it” Jongin sneered from under the blankets.

“Okay then. I’ll be back” Kyungsoo quickly got up, taking the bucket with him and leaving the loft hastily to get food for Jongin.

 

Kyungsoo dumped the contents of the bucket into the drain in the back alley before leaving it there and driving off.

There were lots more places to get food from which were way closer but Kyungsoo made the mistake that night of driving back to the convenience store across the road from where he lived at. Convenience store food was horrible anyway and it was not like it would be worth it but Kyungsoo still unknowingly made the mistake.

 

Earlier that week, Jisook had his men follow Kyungsoo to find out where he lived and worked at. Jisook was an informant and knowing such a thing was valuable to him.

It just so happens that one of the members of South Korea’s most notorious gang, the Chilsungpa, had a beef to settle with Kyungsoo and bought the information from Jisook for a hefty sum. A sum large enough for Jisook to sell Kyungsoo’s whereabouts off.

 

The men of the Chilsungpa had their cars parked outside the red-brick apartment block, waiting for Kyungsoo.

It was their luck when they saw Kyungsoo pull up at the convenience store just across the street and enter the store. They could not pursue Kyungsoo in the store, however. There would be too many witnesses and security camera feeds.

The men from the Chilsungpa followed Kyungsoo’s car back to the abandoned apartment building. Kyungsoo noticed he was being followed and pulled out the loaded gun from his glove compartment and continued driving but faster.

 

The loft was literally a fortress and he would be safe there until he figured out what to do with the men chasing him.

Kyungsoo was faster and arrived just seconds before the men from the Chilsungpa at the back alley entrance to the building.

Kyungsoo was shot in the thigh when he ran out of the car. Kyungsoo retaliated with more shots towards them before limping into the building and throwing himself into the service elevator hitting the button up to the top floor, forcing his pursuers to use the stairs instead.  

 

Reaching the top floor before the men chasing him, Kyungsoo rushed out the elevator and ran to the reinforced steel door, gritting through the pain to quickly key in the security code and scan his thumbprint to unlock the door.

Just when the security panel beeped signifying it was unlocked, Kyungsoo fell against the door from the sharp pain in his thigh, pushing it open inside to his hideaway. Kyungsoo’s gun fell out of his grasp, sliding down the hallway leading to his loft.

 

Kyungsoo, using his elbows and hands, crawled forward to grab his gun on the floor and lock the door before the men pursuing him arrived.

Kyungsoo gasped when Jongin picked up the gun instead. Kyungsoo now realized that he had forgotten to lock the second set of doors because he had left so hastily. That was not the only mistake Kyungsoo made that night.

Kyungsoo never made mistakes, not until he had met Jongin. Jongin was the mistake.

 

“Lock the door quick. There are people here to get me” Kyungsoo spoke through clenched teeth due to the pain.

“Oh really? How many?” Jongin asked, making sure the safety lock on the gun was off.

“Three! Hurry, Jongin.” Kyungsoo crawled up to Jongin’s leg, pleading to Jongin for the first time ever.

Jongin smiled, looking down at Kyungsoo clinging to his leg, “Let me take care of this.”

“They’re from the mafia. You don’t know how to use a gun. Just get in!” Kyungsoo yelled to Jongin.

 

Jongin did not pay heed to Kyungsoo’s words, walking down the hallway and out of the door. Kyungsoo could only watch in horror to see Jongin literally walk out of the place. Kyungsoo could not believe that he was about to lose everything that night and Jongin was one of them.

Kyungsoo had never been so scared and so helpless. He was always the one in power. He was always the one in control. He was always the one people pleaded for their lives to.

Kyungsoo sure did lose that night but he also gained something else.

 

Kyungsoo heard sounds of struggle, fighting, more gunshots and the sounds of bodies hitting the floor before it all fell silent. He could not only hear but wasn’t able to see anything from where he was lying at.

“Jongin. No.” Kyungsoo told himself as he crawled on his elbows, dragging himself and his severely bleeding leg to assess the situation.

Kyungsoo found himself crawling into a pool of blood, desperately looking at the dead bodies for which one happened to be Jongin’s.

 

Kyungsoo, then, felt a pair of arms lifting him by the shoulders and pulling him back into the loft. Kyungsoo looked above and saw Jongin instead.

Kyungsoo called out for Jongin but was ignored.

Jongin dragged Kyungsoo by the shoulders back into the loft and threw him onto the bed.

 

“Do you have a phone I can use to make an international call?” Jongin asked in a casual tone and totally unfazed or even visibly bothered by what had just happened.

This was the same Jongin who had been squeamish and scared around dead bodies and Kyungsoo killing people. This was the same Jongin who knew how to use a gun to kill people, which he just did.

“Who are you really? Don’t you just work at a convenience store?” Kyungsoo asked Jongin an honest question as he clutched his bleeding thigh, even if the question did come off as condescending.

 

 


	7. You Brought Me

 

“I work in a convenience store as the store clerk and cashier for a minimum wage. That’s who I am-or rather used to be until you took the liberty to kidnap me.” Jongin answered with a blank face and a hint of sarcasm but he wasn’t lying either.

Kyungsoo groaned in pain from the gunshot wound in his thigh. He wasn’t going to get the whole truth from Jongin now either. The tables have indeed turned now in favor of Jongin, especially with an injured Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo took off his coat, tying it around his thigh as a temporary makeshift tourniquet to stop the bleeding. Kyungsoo’s own blood left a trail from the door all the way to the bed in the loft.

 

“We have to get out of here. If it’s the mafia chasing after you, they will come after you for sure” Jongin announced, trying to lift Kyungsoo up from the bed.

“I wasn’t the one who killed their men. That was all you” Kyungsoo pushed away Jongin, shoving him at the chest.

“If I didn’t do that, you’d be the one lying on the floor in a pool of your own blood with a bullet through your skull!” Jongin snapped, stubbornly not letting go of Kyungsoo’s arm.

Kyungsoo hissed, “I can’t leave this place now that my position has been compromised. You think they won’t come here and find the bodies outside and then get in here and look in _there_? For your information, I might as well be better off dead with a bullet through my skull like you said if anyone sees _that._ ”

“But you can’t hide in here forever either! You’re stubborn. Let’s see if you die locking yourself up in here or they find a way to break in and kill you” Jongin sneered, letting go of Kyungsoo’s arm.

“Then leave! I didn’t ask for or need your help. The door is wide open for you. You wanted to be free, didn’t you? Just leave and go back to your stupid minimum wage!” Kyungsoo yelled, clutching his leg with one hand and pushing Jongin with his elbow.

“You think I can just waltz out of this place after being missing for so long!? You think I can just go back to my job like nothing happened and not have the police apprehend me and ask questions?” Jongin responded, furious and enraged.

 

Hearing that, Kyungsoo slyly grinned looking towards Jongin, “So you have a few things you don’t want the police to find out too don’t you?”

“Don’t act as if you don’t too” Jongin scoffed.

“Since neither of us wants to be caught, we have to work together to leave this place but I can’t have people find out what’s in there”, Kyungsoo pointed out.

“How are you going to deal with that?” Jongin asked, silently agreeing to work with Kyungsoo.

“I know someone in the same business as me who will take care of all this. He works as a team so he can clear this all. I don’t use a smartphone because it’s traceable. There are several burner phones in my drawer there” Kyungsoo pointed to his writing desk, “Get whichever one.”

Jongin did as he was told, rummaging through the drawer Kyungsoo pointed out for him and pulled out an old outdated flip phone before scurrying back to the bed.

“I don’t have the sim card here. We’ll have to go down to my car” Kyungsoo added.

 

Jongin helped Kyungsoo into the service elevator and down out the building to Kyungsoo’s parked car outside in the alley, with the door still wide open and the engine running from having to run away earlier on. The car of the dead mafia members pursuing Kyungsoo was behind Kyungsoo’s car, doors wide open and engine running still.

For the first time in a long while, Jongin stepped outside to breathe and feel the fresh air on his skin and the damp wind blowing through. It was wet and windy. Jongin was barefooted and he could feel on his feet the wet puddles on the back alley street and it looked like it had just rained.

 

Jongin was helping Kyungsoo walk out with the gunshot wound. Jongin had an arm around Kyungsoo’s waist while Kyungsoo had his arm around Jongin’s shoulders.

Jongin stopped moving, paused and standing still. Jongin closed his eyes to feel the air on his skin and ground on his bare feet and he felt like crying. He was free now. He was outside. He could just ditch Kyungsoo here and run away back home to his family and cry in their arms about how harsh it had been.

It was cooler outside than Jongin last remembered. What was the season now? How long had he been locked up in there?

But if Jongin did that, then he would have failed. He would have gone through all that and still not discover the truth of who Kyungsoo really was. Especially considering how close he had come. He wasn’t finished yet.

Jongin was free now but he wasn’t too.

 

“What are you standing there gaping for? Hurry!” Kyungsoo demanded, hitting his side into Jongin’s to snap Jongin out of his daze.

“Right” Jongin snapped out of his daze, moved forward and helped Kyungsoo to the passenger side seat.

 

Kyungsoo got into the front passenger seat, searching through his glove compartment for the sim card and inserting it into the slot in the old phone. Jongin stood outside, bare feet dirtied by the ground and the gun uncomfortably wedged between his hip and elastic band of the shorts Kyungsoo had given him to wear.

Kyungsoo booted up the phone and dialed a number. His call was answered not long later.

“It’s me, Kyungsoo. I threw a party and the guests made a mess out of my place. I need you to clean it up. They’re passed out in front of my door and I need you to scrub out my fridge too. I think someone threw up in there. I left my front door unlocked so just come in. I’ll deposit the payment whenever you’re done” Kyungsoo quickly recited over the phone before ending the call abruptly and pulling out the sim card, breaking it in half.

“Party?” Jongin shrugged. “Is that like a codeword between you psychos or something like that.”

“Shut up. As if you’re any better. Now, tell me whether you can drive or not?” Kyungsoo asked in his condescending mocking tone.

“I can” Jongin flatly answered.

“Then get in and drive. We have to change cars and I can’t drive because of my leg.” Kyungsoo ordered, shutting the door to his side shut and fastening the seatbelt.

 

Jongin got into the driver’s seat as he was told, looking around at the controls on Kyungsoo’s car to familiarize himself. Jongin had to adjust the seat a bit further back because of his long legs, being taller than Kyungsoo was.

“Where are we going?” Jongin asked Kyungsoo, hands on the steering wheel.

“Back to my apartment block across the road where you used to work at. Do you know the road there?” Kyungsoo replied.

“I know but I’m not sure where we are now. If you point me to the main road, I can get us there” Jongin affirmed, releasing the brakes on the car.

“Fine” Kyungsoo agreed, leaning back on the seat and gritting his teeth from the surging pain in his leg.

 

Jongin drove down the familiar road he almost thought he’d never see again. It had been a long time since Jongin was behind the wheel of a car and he was slightly hesitant and nervous about being on the open road again, especially when it came to switching lanes and making a turn.

Jongin had only been able to afford a bicycle and since moving to the city, he had not driven a car until then. It was different but Jongin felt powerful here.

He was the one driving and deciding where the car went but still, he was listening to what Kyungsoo ordered him to. There didn’t seem to be much of a difference to when he was locked up in Kyungsoo’s place.

 

Jongin always thought he would be completely free from Kyungsoo if he managed to escape and leave the place. Jongin was free from that place now but he was still essentially Kyungsoo’s prisoner.

As much as he hated to admit it, Jongin needed Kyungsoo and so did Kyungsoo.

 

Jongin drove past the convenience store he used to work at. It still looked the same. Nothing had changed from the outside and Jongin could not believe that he actually missed working there. Surely, he knew that he didn’t want to be there anymore. Not now.

As Kyungsoo instructed, Jongin parked the car behind the red-brick apartment block where Kyungsoo lived at, which Jongin had spent hours upon hours looking at hoping to catch a glimpse of the man sitting beside him in the car.

Jongin helped Kyungsoo out of the car which they left behind, to enter a cheaper, more common and less attention-grabbing car. This was Kyungsoo’s secondary car which he kept for purposes like this. In the business, everyone had to be wary and always have backups.

Jongin drove too this time, with Kyungsoo pointing out the directions to where they were headed. Kyungsoo was beginning to shiver and shake. His skin was pale and he looked very sick. Kyungsoo had lost a lot of blood from being shot and now that the adrenaline was slowly leaving, Kyungsoo began to feel the effects of his injury.

Jongin himself was surprised to see Kyungsoo with his guard down and so weak like that. Kyungsoo had always seemed untouchable and “perfect” to have such a thing happen to him. Kyungsoo wasn’t however. He was human too still.

 

 

This time they drove further, out of town, which Jongin could tell from the signboards and the buildings that faded behind them opening up to long highway roads.

Kyungsoo was struggling to keep himself awake to point out the road and directions for Jongin. Jongin had to occasionally slap and shake Kyungsoo to keep him awake.

One slap sure did come round very harsh and loud, leaving a red mark on Kyungsoo’s cheek, but it did its purpose of keeping Kyungsoo awake as intended to be. Jongin could feel the anger and frustration course through him with that slap. It was harder on purpose and it was not even a fraction to repay what Kyungsoo had put Jongin through.

And the feeling of satisfaction Jongin felt from getting Kyungsoo to feel a taste of the pain was thrilling. Jongin wanted Kyungsoo to feel that pain but it was not like Kyungsoo would understand anyway.

 

* * *

 

 

Jongin continued to drive and drove for what seemed like hours. From the time on the dashboard when they left after switching cars, it was somewhat after three in the morning. It was nearing seven in the morning now and the sun was beginning to rise.

Jongin had even forgotten how it felt to be in daylight and didn’t even realize he missed it until the warm rays of the morning sun came in through the car’s glass window.

 

 

They had long left the city limits and arrived in a small quaint town in another province which Jongin knew because he read the name from the welcoming signboard.

The gas was full when they started the journey and was nearing the empty bar now.

 

“We’re running out of gas now. How far do we have to go?” Jongin was slightly anxious and cramped from the unexpected long drive, as he slowed the car down and looked towards the surrounding houses in the town.

“Just around that street. Go a bit further down” Kyungsoo pointed out, stammering. His lips were blue and he was shaking, leaning against the window and grabbing his injured leg with his hands.

Jongin did as he was told, driving down the road surrounded by rice fields and forests with a few traditional looking houses spaced between.

“Here. Stop here” Kyungsoo instructed and Jongin slammed the brakes hard enough to send Kyungsoo’s face flying forward into the dashboard.

Jongin did not even feel sorry for that when Kyungsoo winced from the pain clasping his nose. In fact, Jongin sort of felt pleased.

 

Jongin saw that they had stopped in front of a rather modern looking decently sized house with large glass windows and several floors by the looks of it. It certainly did look different than the smaller older looking houses in the area. There were no gates and the driveway directly opened to the road while the house itself was surrounded by the trees nearby.

“Drive in front of the house and park” Kyungsoo further instructed, clutching his nose, and Jongin complied.

 

Jongin later helped Kyungsoo out of the car and up the steps to the front door.

“Whose house is this?” Jongin asked, helping Kyungsoo stand while he keyed in the passcode to the front door.

“Mine. We’ll stay here in the meantime” Kyungsoo answered and soon after the door unlocked, having the passcode keyed correctly.

“Why are we running away? This is obviously your safe house but it doesn’t look safe at all to me, to be honest,” Jongin asked as he stepped into the house and locked the door, letting Kyungsoo fall onto the floor inside.

“We’re not running away. We’re just staying here until I can settle things. You’re free to leave if you want. I don’t care.” Kyungsoo got up by himself, walking through the modern furnished living room and headed to a cabinet where he pulled out a first aid kit and then limped to the kitchen.

 

 

Jongin looked around the house. It looked more like a rich man’s rural retreat than a safe house with the glass walls and fixtures overlooking the forest. There was even a piano in the living room. Did Kyungsoo even come often to play it or was it just a decorative piece of furniture, Jongin wondered.

 

Jongin followed Kyungsoo to the kitchen, where he saw Kyungsoo sitting on the floor, injecting himself with a needle and then removing the bullet himself before sewing up his own wound, pouring alcohol on it to sterilize the injury. Kyungsoo looked very much pained and Jongin did not know what to do but stand and watch.

“What are you still here for? You wanted to leave so just go. Take the car and just leave.” Kyungsoo panted from the pain, his back to the kitchen cabinet while he sat on the floor.

“I already told you I can’t just leave as I please. I don’t care about you or whoever is chasing you. I just don’t want trouble up in my sleeve” Jongin was irritated to have to remind Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo dryly chuckled, head leaning against the cabinet, “Then we’re both prisoners here now. I can’t leave and neither can you.”

“Good isn’t it?” Jongin sarcastically reproached, “We’re both our own prisoner and jailer at the same time. You like that don’t you, you sick freak? Or do you miss chopping people up?”

“If you’re going to be here then shut up. Don’t be loud.” Kyungsoo hissed, closing his eyes and falling asleep on the floor with his back to the kitchen cabinet.

 

 

Jongin sighed, silence at last when Kyungsoo fell asleep. Kyungsoo was right though. They were both now each other’s prisoners here and even if they could leave as they pleased; they were not in the figurative sense “free”.

Jongin could feel freedom so close yet so far from his grasp. It was just outside that door he could just open and Kyungsoo even told him to leave if he wanted.

But if Jongin left now, he would have failed and it would have been all for nothing. He wouldn’t have even come close to figuring out who Kyungsoo really was. This was what he wanted, wasn’t it? To get close to and know Kyungsoo better.

Jongin couldn’t bring himself to leave Kyungsoo either. Jongin had been depending on Kyungsoo too much for survival while he had been kept a captive. Even now, with freedom at the tip of his fingers, he still was Kyungsoo’s prisoner.

Just a little more, Jongin reminded himself.

 

 

Jongin wandered around the house while Kyungsoo was passed out on the hardwood kitchen floor. Jongin found a room with fewer windows and a comfy looking bed with untouched and clean blue sheets. It was nothing like the small creaky iron framed bed Jongin had while being captive.

Jongin was and is still a captive now, except in better conditions.

Jongin quickly fell asleep on the bed and for the first time in a while, he actually had a dream which he couldn’t quite remember when he woke up. Jongin only remembered that he was somewhere home in the dream and that it felt so good to be back.

 

Jongin woke up startled but didn’t wake up in the darkness like he had been conditioned to and he felt in utter disbelief that he wasn’t locked up or chained to the bed. Jongin could even see a clock hanging on the wall and that he knew what time it was. He wasn’t stuck in some place beside a freezer which stored dead bodies either.

It took him a few seconds to remember where he was and why he was here. It was night time outside, which Jongin could tell from the windows, but it wasn’t dark in the room. The automatic light sensors had come on and the room was well lit. The fact that there were windows and a view of the outside world moved Jongin even more.

Jongin almost felt like crying from the relief and hiding under the blanket but the bed was and still smelled so fresh and new. It wasn’t like the smelly bed back in the loft which had come to smell like him, somehow providing him a sense of comfort from the familiarity.

Just when Jongin was just starting to “get used” to being held a captive, he was suddenly pushed-more like shoved into a different place and situation where he had to relearn everything he thought he know. As if dealing with Kyungsoo wasn’t hard enough.

 

 

Jongin got up from the bed, walking towards the bathroom attached to the bedroom. Jongin gasped in relief when he turned the lights on in the bathroom and saw what was a proper toilet bowl and sink. It was no longer a degrading metal bucket potty or whatever cloth Jongin had on himself to wipe off.

It had been so long that Jongin felt excited to actually sit on a toilet seat and feel the water running down his hand from the faucet.

Jongin had many firsts in a while that day, from all the simple things and basic needs that Kyungsoo had voided him of until now. Jongin now realized that these things meant way more than it was supposed to be and appreciated having it again.

But it was not like Jongin expected to be kidnapped when he started watching Kyungsoo.

 

Jongin looked into his reflection in the mirror above the sink. Also, the first time he had a proper look since being locked up as a captive. Jongin stole a few glances in the car mirror but only now, he managed to get a proper look.

He almost did not recognize himself. His hair was longer, greasy and blotchy. His beard and mustache were growing out messy and unkempt, forming visible sideburns. It was not just mere stubble either but a good inch in length. Jongin had not had a shower least to say a hair wash, shave or comb since then.

Jongin inspected the scar Kyungsoo had left him on his side when he was stabbed by the former. It healed well but it would forever serve as a reminder of what Kyungsoo had done to him and the series of events that followed next.

 

 

Jongin sure did take a good time washing himself up, closing his eyes and feeling the cool relaxing therapeutic flow of water on his naked skin. It almost felt like he was living a dream now.

Finding a straight razor on the rack over the sink, which he assumed to be Kyungsoo’s definitely, Jongin shaved off his facial hair until he was cleanly shaven as he preferred himself to be. Jongin found a pair of scissors too but he didn’t know how to cut his hair and simply combed it back.

For once, Jongin actually felt like himself again. He felt like Kai.

 

At the sudden thought, Jongin’s hands slipped with the razor and he accidentally left a small cut on his chin.

Jongin’s hands dropped the razor and he clutched his hands together, remembering what he had done as the blood dripped down from his chin into the sink with running water.

He was forced to use his skills- Kai’s skills to survive and get himself and Kyungsoo out of being hunted down. It was not like Jongin wanted to do that either. It was do or die and like Kyungsoo said, humans would do or say anything to survive because that was human nature.

Jongin knew Kyungsoo was no stupid man and that he had been asking about it-regarding Jongin’s identity. Jongin would have to actually come up with an answer soon or lie his way through it.

 

When Jongin’s thoughts came to a halt, everything seemed quieter in that washroom. The only sounds heard were that of the running water flowing from the faucet into the porcelain sink below.

Jongin looked back up into the mirror above the sink and reflected in the mirror was not just his reflection but also Kyungsoo’s.

There Kyungsoo was, standing behind him by the doorway to the washroom looking right at Jongin. Kyungsoo was leaning on the door frame.

Although they were not facing each other directly, their eyes met each other in the reflection of the mirror and Jongin saw a gun in Kyungsoo’s hands. Jongin’s grip on the straight razor in his hand grew tighter from seeing the firearm.

 

“When I look at you again now, it really does seem that you look like someone else. Do you have anything you want to tell me?” Kyungsoo commented coldly, talking to the reflection of Jongin in the mirror, his own expression flat and unchanging.

“Well, don’t you do too?” Jongin responded, hands tightening on the handle of the straight razor as he stared down Kyungsoo in the mirror.

 

 


	8. You Spared Me

 

“Then, why don’t you go first? You tell me and I will tell too” Kyungsoo moved his gaze away from the reflection of Jongin in the mirror but he was still leaning against the doorframe to the washroom.

“I don’t see why you would need a gun for a conversation,” Jongin remarked, turning around to face Kyungsoo.

“Oh, this is for my own insurance, since I can’t trust you” Kyungsoo grinned, lifting the gun up and pointing it towards Jongin with his hand on the trigger.

“You won’t do that” Jongin challenged Kyungsoo, standing his ground and the straight razor tight in his grip.

“Why not? What makes you so special to me that I won’t do it?” Kyungsoo returned the challenge, not letting it down.

 

Jongin could not find an answer to that and no conceivable reason why Kyungsoo even bothered keeping him alive. Jongin could agree with Kyungsoo that there really wasn’t anything special about him. How he had not ended up dead and his body chopped up yet was surprising indeed.

Kyungsoo had his own questions and reasons and so did Jongin.

 

Jongin calmed his thoughts despite the pressing situation against him and did what was necessary to save himself from being shot at in the washroom.

Kyungsoo was a madman and Jongin did not take lightly to the threats.

 

Jongin quickly leaped forward against Kyungsoo, pushing Kyungsoo to the floor outside the washroom and into the room. Kyungsoo lost his balance with his injured leg and fall backward onto the floor with Jongin pinning him from above.

Jongin lost the straight razor from his grip, falling somewhere onto the floor because he had to use both arms to wrestle the gun away from Kyungsoo below him.

 

Kyungsoo kicked Jongin from below with his good leg, clawing on Jongin to free himself. Jongin punched Kyungsoo square in the nose before he managed to pry the gun from Kyungsoo’s hands. Kyungsoo’s nose began bleeding down his nostrils and to his mouth and chin from the injury.

Jongin was sitting on Kyungsoo’s stomach, pressing his weight down to stop Kyungsoo from moving. Kyungsoo had his hands on Jongin’s knees trying to push him off but not managing to do so.

This time, Jongin pointed the gun at Kyungsoo’s forehead.

 

Kyungsoo laughed with his mouth wide open, blood flowing into his mouth and staining his teeth red.

“Go ahead. Do it, Jongin. If that is even your real name.” Kyungsoo taunted, laughing like the madman was.

Jongin was almost tempted to pull and release the trigger right there and then. Just one bullet between Kyungsoo’s eyes on his forehead would end it all. He would be a free man. Freedom was literally in his hands now.

Jongin’s hands were shaking as he aimed the gun right where the bullet would strike and instantly kill Kyungsoo. The safety was off; all he had to do was just do it. But still, he couldn’t do it.

 

“Wow, aren’t you the worst executioner in all of history. You killed three men earlier and you can’t kill one now? What’s the difference?” Kyungsoo sneered, looking right into Jongin’s eyes displaying fear and uncertainty.

“You’re right. What’s the difference?” Jongin spat, taking up Kyungsoo’s challenge, pulling the trigger back and firing the gun. He would just end it now.

Kyungsoo laughed out loud, his mouth stained red with the blood from his nose which had stopped flowing since then.

The gun was not loaded.

 

“I can’t believe you fell for that” Kyungsoo laughed at Jongin.

Jongin looked at the gun in his hand in disbelief. Kyungsoo had come at him with an unloaded gun in the first place. Whatever it was Kyungsoo had planned, shooting Jongin dead was not one of the options.

It was just Jongin who thought that. Now, Jongin just felt humiliated and played at. Kyungsoo proved himself to be very good at that.

Jongin dropped the gun on the floor to his side. Kyungsoo picked it up the moment it fell onto the hardwood floor and twirled it around his finger, hitting Jongin below the jaw with the hard metal body of the gun.

 

Their positions were flipped. Jongin flinched from the pain and unexpected hit. Kyungsoo used the opportunity to push Jongin off himself and pin Jongin to the floor, pressing his weight down by sitting on Jongin’s chest.

This time, Kyungsoo had dropped the gun and retrieved the straight razor lying nearby, pointing the tip of the blade on Jongin’s throat while his other hand pulled Jongin’s hair back.

“You fell for that twice now.  Who said unloaded guns are useless? They make good clubs you know. Wherever you learned to fire a gun from probably didn’t tell you that” Kyungsoo glared down Jongin, pressing the blade down.

 

Kyungsoo pressed the blade down hard enough to scratch Jongin’s skin and leave a small cut but not deep enough to harm him. Blood began to ooze and flow down from the cut, trickling down Jongin’s throat following the pull of gravity.

 “If you’re going to slit someone’s throat, make sure you do it vertically and not horizontally. Slice open the vein in a straight line here”, Kyungsoo ran the razor down the length of Jongin’s throat, metal blade ghosting Jongin’s skin but not cutting him.

“You were planning to hurt me with this, weren’t you?” Kyungsoo flipped the razor over in his hand, inspecting the object.

Jongin did not answer Kyungsoo as his brain scrambled for a way to get out of the situation.

“I knew you wouldn’t be able to do it. You just got lucky with the gun there.” Kyungsoo this time ran the blade of the razor down Jongin’s jawline, careful and skilled enough to not hurt him.

 

“What makes you think I will not?” Jongin responded, refusing to lose to Kyungsoo.

“Because you’re a liar. You lied to me about who you are and you think I didn’t notice that?” Kyungsoo forced Jongin’s jaw open, pressing the smooth blade of the razor against the soft flesh of Jongin’s cheek in his mouth.

Jongin could almost taste the metal blade that hit against his tongue. Jongin was alarmed now but he couldn’t talk and was too afraid to move. A small slip and he could foresee Kyungsoo slashing his mouth open from the inside.

“You know, when you get scared or angry, have you noticed that you speak differently? Your accent slips up then. It’s easy for people to lose rational thinking when they are afraid or angry. The fight or flight response in your brain activates and it forces you to push a decision so you can get out of the situation. So, it has occurred to me that you’ve been hiding your accent as a conscious decision and that you’re not really good at it. I just can’t figure out where your accent comes from but let’s see.” Kyungsoo shook his head, using his free hand to pull Jongin’s cheek further open.

Kyungsoo removed the razor pressing against Jongin’s cheek, running it down Jongin’s teeth and tapping on it one by one while the finger on his other hand would try shaking the teeth around after.

“One missing, two sound, three sound, four sound, five needs some filling but I could be wrong. I need a mirror to look properly” Kyungsoo commented, running down the inspection on Jongin’s teeth until he was done with all of it.

 

Kyungsoo removed the razor and fingers from inside Jongin’s mouth. Jongin took a deep breath after that out of relief. A single tear had run down his cheek from the nerve-wracking experience and his hands and legs were still shaking.

“You have pretty healthy teeth and your wisdom teeth have not grown out at all.  I don’t see a sign of eruption either. Did you know the Korean population has the highest ever prevalence of the third molars known as wisdom teeth?” Kyungsoo noted, tapping Jongin on the cheek, still sitting and pressing his weight down on Jongin’s chest.

“Are you a dentist or something?” Jongin almost felt like laughing. He couldn’t even tell if he was amused or scared anymore.

Kyungsoo did not answer the question; instead, coming to the conclusion, “From your accent, I know you’re definitely not South Korean. I thought you were North Korean at first but they usually have bad teeth you know, coming from a poor country and everything. Your accent doesn’t sound North Korean either. Also, you don’t have your wisdom teeth out and a Korean likely would unless you were let’s say, younger than the mid-twenties. Which country did you come from? What are you doing here? Since you know how to use a gun and actually kill people with it, you are either a government agent or someone in the same business.”

“Why don’t you take a guess?” Jongin sneered.

“No. I want you to tell me.” Kyungsoo demanded, pressing the edge of the blade back on Jongin’s throat.

 

Jongin decided he had enough and punched Kyungsoo’s thigh, where he knew Kyungsoo was shot at, making sure to dig his fingers in deep and twist the flesh. Using the opportunity when Kyungsoo recoiled instinctively in pain, Jongin wrestled Kyungsoo off of him.

Gaining the upper hand again, Jongin pinned Kyungsoo down to the floor and choked Kyungsoo with his bare hands, kicking the razor away out of Kyungsoo’s reach.

 

Jongin clamped his hands tight around Kyungsoo’s throat, pressing his weight into his arms into choking Kyungsoo with all the strength he had. Kyungsoo thrashed on the floor, clawing and digging his nails into Jongin’s arms which left nasty cuts and a blood trail.

Jongin could feel the pent-up anger within him firing up and contributing to the strength he had at the moment. With this, he would be even with Kyungsoo, he thought.

Jongin knew that with a little bit more force he could just break Kyungsoo’s neck and end it all but knowing that he could do that, Jongin pulled away and let Kyungsoo go.

 

Jongin got up, backed away until his back hit a wall and stood there frozen. It was not like Jongin had not killed before. He had done it but this time he just couldn’t do it.

Kyungsoo coughed, lying on the floor on his elbows, trying to regain his breath. Jongin could only watch. He did not really think this through and was unsure of what to do now.

 

Kyungsoo slowly picked himself up, having regained his breath and slowly stood up.

Massaging the lingering pain he felt on his neck and around his throat, Kyungsoo turned to Jongin, “See. I knew you wouldn’t be able to kill me. You’re a liar, Jongin.”

Jongin looked at Kyungsoo with a blank face, unable to really process his emotions regarding the situation.

“If you say I’m lying then why did you try to fight back anyway?” Jongin responded, only turning his head slightly.

“That’s just my insurance” Kyungsoo brushed the topic away, snickering to himself, “You lied about yourself and you even lied about not loving me anymore. I know you do, Jongin. That’s why you can’t do it.”

 

Jongin did not deny nor did he confirm Kyungsoo’s claim. Jongin simply walked away, past Kyungsoo and out of the room. Jongin walked down the hallway until he found another room, a much larger one than the previous one he had been sleeping in.

Jongin locked himself up in that room with the curtains drawn and the lights off, hiding under the blankets until daylight.

Jongin tried to pretend he was back at home with his family but it was hard to imagine something that was supposed to be so simple but impossible now. Jongin then tried pretending he was at work at the convenience store but even that came by hard.

Jongin only managed to relax by pretending he was back at the loft being a captive who was not allowed to leave. Still, the only the thing he could be sure of was the uncertainty.

 

 

Jongin only left the room when it was daylight outside. The house was well lit from the glass windows and walls. It was bright and clear. Only now, Jongin managed to get a proper look around the place. He had been in too much of a rush and panic when he arrived here the previous day.

Jongin walked to the living room in his smelly clothes and saw Kyungsoo in a plain white dress shirt and black trousers, sitting on the couch and watching TV from the large flat screen with some documentary currently airing.

 

“Do you have any more clothes I can wear?” Jongin asked an unmoving Kyungsoo from behind the couch.

“No. Nothing that would fit you at least” Kyungsoo answered, without even turning to look at Jongin.

“-but you had all these clothes there that I could wear. Don’t you have anything now?” Jongin pointed out.

“Oh, you mean back at the loft?”

“Yes”

“Those clothes aren’t mine. The clothes were what the people last wore before I killed them. So I just kept their clothes and gave you whichever fits.” Kyungsoo revealed, back still turned to Jongin.

Jongin regretted even asking but he was too emotionally drained to act disgusted and appalled at the truth behind it.

 

“Kyungsoo, I’m hungry.” Jongin then asked, changing the topic.

“There’s money in the drawer beside the bed in the room you slept in. Take it and go to town and get something. Make sure to refill the gas in the car too. Buy yourself a hoodie too first and avoid security cameras as much as you can. If you can live as an illegal in this country without being discovered, I trust you know how to do that don’t you?” Kyungsoo glanced over his shoulder, looking at Jongin for a second before returning to the TV and switching the channel. 

“Yes I can but are you sure?” Jongin asked to confirm.

“Don’t make me repeat myself. Get me something to eat too and enough food for a few days.” Kyungsoo shook his head, sighing.

 

It felt weird to believe that Kyungsoo trusted him to do all that. Jongin couldn’t help but feel that he was being tested, considering the amount of freedom he was getting.

It was almost as if they hadn’t been trying to kill each other the day before. Kyungsoo only left a small cut on his throat which was slightly sore at most, but at that moment, the wound began to throb and ache and Jongin was sure he was just imagining it.

 

Jongin left with the wads of cash in his hand and drove the car down to the town center with shops.

Jongin’s first stop was at a used clothing store run by the old lady behind the cashier. Jongin chose that store because of the lack of security cameras and in the worst case scenario; it wasn’t hard to run away from an elderly lady.

Jongin’s first pick was the hoodie like Kyungsoo had told him to. Jongin only bought the clothes that fit him which came in dull colors attention-grabbing on grabbing designs. Jongin immediately changed into his new clothes and felt so relieved after doing that. The old ones were later stuffed into the boot of the car.

As much as Jongin wanted to throw away the clothes into the dumpster, he couldn’t be leaving a trail of evidence behind.

 

Avoiding security cameras at the gas station was a bit harder but Jongin did his best to at least seem less conspicuous and unsuspecting. Jongin refilled the gas in the car until full tank. He would need it if he had to go on the run with Kyungsoo again.

His next stop was at a small grocery store. Jongin knew now why Kyungsoo chose this particular small town to hide in. Almost all the stores and shops were run by the locals and in a particularly safe town where everyone knew each other; most of the places Jongin visited lacked security cameras or even an alarm system.

 

Jongin bought food, water, and ingredients that could be used to cook a meal. But on the way back to the house, Jongin passed by the local restaurant and stopped there.

It was the most Jongin ever ate in a single seating. Jongin wished he could order everything off the menu but doing that would be rather attention-grabbing. Knowing that it was Kyungsoo’s money he was spending and wasting, Jongin felt better to be doing it even out of spite.

It felt good to eat and drink something different for once which wasn’t cold and bland tasting convenience store food. When Jongin remembered that he used to have to eat that on a daily basis, his stomach churned and he could feel himself wanting to throw up.

 

 

Jongin didn’t think much because he knew that if he did, he would take the car and money and drive away from the town, away from Kyungsoo.

So, without much thought, Jongin drove back to the house and subsequently back to Kyungsoo.

 

When Jongin entered the house with the shopping bags in his hand, Jongin didn’t find Kyungsoo in the living room anymore. Jongin headed to the kitchen and found Kyungsoo sitting on a stool reading a book on the island kitchen counter.

“Welcome back, sunshine” Kyungsoo greeted, only glancing momentarily from his book to look at Jongin before going back to his reading.

“Here, this is for you.” Jongin dropped a plastic bag on the book Kyungsoo was currently reading.

 

Kyungsoo glared at Jongin for disrupting his reading and concentration. Jongin did not seem to back down or seem hitched the slightest bit.

Jongin could see the bruise on Kyungsoo’s nose and when he moved around, the collar of his shirt often exposed the marks on his neck from where Jongin had tried to strangle him.

 

Kyungsoo opened the plastic bag to find a bottle of green tea and a disposable container of cold ready-to-eat meal from the local store.

“It’s your favorite, isn’t it?” Jongin noted.

“Thanks” Kyungsoo muttered, pushing the plastic bag away from his book.

Jongin was slightly disappointed at Kyungsoo’s lack of reaction. Before Jongin turned around to leave the kitchen, Kyungsoo called out for him.

 

“Wait”

“What is it?”

Kyungsoo reached into the back pocket of his trousers and pulled out a key, sliding it on the smooth top of the island kitchen counter towards Jongin.

“That is the key to the safe. If my negotiations fail and the Chilsungpa come after me here, I want you to clean the safe out and leave. There should be enough for you to leave and return to your country. When you do, don’t ever come back here again.” Kyungsoo stated and warned Jongin.

“Then, what about you?” Jongin asked, picking the key up from the counter.

“If they come to find me here, then it means I failed and I deserve to die. I won’t run away.” Kyungsoo answered calmly.

“-but it was me who killed their men. Not you.” Jongin corrected.

“You killed a bunch of lackeys, Jongin. I don’t think they care that much. You are not a part of this world so just do as I say.” Kyungsoo firmly ordered, returning back to his book.

 

 


	9. You Perplex Me

 

It wasn’t home. It wasn’t close to that either but Jongin was in no position to bargain. This was way better than what he was made to go through to previously. It was more than he could ask for.

Even though he was no longer trapped in the dark with smelly old clothes from a dead man, eating the same horrible tasting food not knowing what time or day it was and made to do his business in a bucket, there was one thing that didn’t change and that was Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo was still there and as it was, Kyungsoo was around way more often than before. In fact, he was home all day and Jongin saw more of him than ever. This was what Jongin had wanted but he wasn’t sure if he really wanted it that way now.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Jongin woke up in the morning and Kyungsoo would already be awake by then. Kyungsoo would be reading, watching TV, writing down notes or talking to someone on the phone when Jongin found him in the morning.

When Jongin woke up, he would find that Kyungsoo had closed the shutters to the glass windows and walls even in the middle of the day. The entire place would be dark save for indoor lighting and the air-conditioner would be turned on to the coldest setting even though the season was autumn and cooler now.

When Jongin was kidnapped, it was still summer and he discovered that he had been Kyungsoo’s captive for about six weeks in the loft before they had to run away together. Six weeks didn’t seem like a long period of time but to Jongin it was the longest six weeks he had been through.

Now, he still was a captive, albeit under different circumstances.

 

 

Kyungsoo would always go to sleep before noon, however, and only wake up when it was night time around the time Jongin was getting ready to go to bed. Jongin only discovered Kyungsoo’s sleeping patterns now that he to be around Kyungsoo all day and actually knew what time it was.

One morning Jongin got up late and walked down the hallway where saw Kyungsoo already getting ready to sleep. Jongin couldn’t help but ask.

“Do you have a sleep disorder or something that makes you sleep during the day?” Jongin asked without reservation.

“No. I’m used to working at night. You do too so don’t act as if it’s something so strange” Kyungsoo answered, undoing the buttons on the cuff on his sleeve and taking off his shirt after.

“I don’t work at night anymore thanks to you. So, you mean you kill people at night isn’t it?” Jongin corrected, with the intent to taunt Kyungsoo.

“Yes,” Kyungsoo replied, slightly annoyed and slammed the door to his room shut in Jongin’s face.

 

Jongin shrugged it off and got on with his day. It was still quite boring because there wasn’t much to do being stuck in the house. Kyungsoo had not allowed him to open the shutters or go outside either during the day because of the home security system that was turned on during the day when Kyungsoo slept, the alarm set to ring when the door was open or the shutter pulled up.

But occasionally, Jongin would peek through the shutters and see people walking or cars outside on the road. The house overlooked a rice field across the road and several traditional houses belonging to the farmers.

Sometimes, Jongin could see children in school uniforms running along the rice fields around noon when they got off school. The children would ride their bicycles, fly kites and chase each other around. It made Jongin smile to imagine himself as a child again running along his grandparent’s rice fields back home when things were simpler.

Things were more complicated now as an adult and dealing with Kyungsoo was an even more complicated matter.

 

* * *

 

 

Jongin woke up extra early one morning to catch Kyungsoo before he went to bed. Jongin found Kyungsoo crouching on the floor in the kitchen with some floorboards opened up, revealing a storage space underneath.

“Good. You’re up. Come here, sunshine.” Kyungsoo beckoned for Jongin to approach him.

Jongin did as he was told, walking around the kitchen island and seeing what Kyungsoo was up to. Jongin was the least surprised when he saw Kyungsoo reveal a wooden crate with guns and ammunition. Jongin had long passed the phase of being surprised at things like this anymore.

“What is it?” Jongin asked, standing in front of Kyungsoo with his hands in the pockets of his trousers and not really interested.

“This is yours” Kyungsoo noted, loading a magazine into a handgun and handing it to Jongin.

“Why would you be giving me a gun? I could shoot you with that, you know?” Jongin stated, looking at the gun and at Kyungsoo.

“I know you can but I also know you won’t. There’s a difference” Kyungsoo glared back at Jongin, arm stretched out holding the gun in his hand to give Jongin.

“Fine” Jongin gave in, taking the gun into his hand.

“That’s your present for being a good boy. You’ll need it considering the situation we’re in.” Kyungsoo mentioned, closing the wooden crate and putting it under the removed floorboards before putting the wooden boards back in place.

“Can you stop calling me a ‘good boy’ or likewise. I’m not a dog or a child.” Jongin tried to bring the topic up, one which had been bothering him lately.

“Then, what are you?” Kyungsoo replied, fixing the floorboards back in place.

Jongin refused to answer that and didn’t talk to Kyungsoo for the rest of the day again even over breakfast- which Kyungsoo had cooked and invited Jongin to eat with him.

 

* * *

 

 

On another day, Jongin woke up to Kyungsoo shaking him awake. It was middle of the night and Jongin had only gone to sleep a few hours earlier. Likewise, Kyungsoo had only gotten up a few hours earlier.

Jongin remembered locking the door to his room before he went to bed but it seemed like Kyungsoo had made his way in with the key he had to all the rooms.

“What is it? Did you kill someone again?” Jongin mumbled, half-asleep and shivering from the cold because Kyungsoo had turned on the centralized AC system to freezing cold again.

“Come with me” Kyungsoo ordered.

“Fine” Jongin heaved, getting up from the bed and wrapping the blankets around his shoulder for warmth.

 

Kyungsoo led Jongin to the back of the wet kitchen and laundry room. Kyungsoo pushed a drawer out of his way to reveal a door that opened into the backyard. Jongin had not been here before and saw that there were a BBQ pit and picnic table in the backyard complete with garden lighting, just right beside the forest behind the house.

“You’re not planning on having a grilled dinner tonight, are you?” Jongin asked, standing near the doorway.

“Not tonight. I just wanted to show you the back door. It leads into the forest behind and when the Chilsungpa come after me here, use this door and run. The woods will give you cover.” Kyungsoo explained.

“Couldn’t you have wait until morning to tell me this? Did you have to drag me out of bed and barged into my room for this?” Jongin yawned. “That’s rude you know. You don’t just wake people up and go into their rooms like that.”

“No. I have to tell you about this now before it’s too late. There is no other right time than now” Kyungsoo insisted.

“Too late before a bullet goes through your skull? You’re really intent on dying, aren’t you? What makes you think I can’t survive without you?” Jongin snickered, walking back to his room.

 

* * *

 

 

Sleep had been good and nice to Jongin lately, especially now that he felt safer and more secure for some reason. Jongin couldn’t quite pinpoint the reason but he wasn’t down to question such a thing. It was a luxury for him as it was.

Jongin didn’t wake up startled anymore and he loved that he was able to know the time and see the sun when he woke up in the morning.

Jongin did not forget that he was a prisoner still and that he shouldn’t really be trusting or feeling comfortable around Kyungsoo, even if Kyungsoo’s behavior lately said otherwise.

Jongin believed that things were only fine now because he had done everything Kyungsoo had told him to and had not gone against those words. There probably was a living hell waiting for Jongin if he chose to defy Kyungsoo’s words.

But still, it didn’t erase the feeling of emptiness and forlorn Jongin felt inside his heart which still yearned for his true freedom and hometown. The only thing keeping him here was Kyungsoo. Jongin was actually a free man now but only Kyungsoo was tying him down.

Jongin did not want to admit that yet.

 

 

Jongin got dressed that morning to go out, that was if Kyungsoo would let him. Jongin entered the living room and saw Kyungsoo watching TV this time, the same nature documentary again on repeat for what was now the umpteenth time. Jongin didn’t even want to question that knowing Kyungsoo would come up with a very frustrating answer.

“Hey Kyungsoo, can I go out?” Jongin asked, walking around the couch and standing beside Kyungsoo sitting down.

“Where are you going?” Kyungsoo looked up at Jongin from the couch.

“I’m just going to get some food.” Jongin lied. He had other reasons.

“Food? We have enough here. You don’t have to go.” Kyungsoo responded, folding his arms across his waist, eyes glued to the TV.

“I just wanted to eat something else. You cook the same dish every day and I’m getting bored of it. Besides, there’s only one chicken thigh left in the fridge so I’ll buy more too” Jongin was honest this time but did not reveal his actual motive to Kyungsoo.

 “Fine. You can go but be back in a few hours.” Kyungsoo only glanced momentarily at Jongin before returning his attention back to the TV.

 

 

Jongin drove to town, his feet and hands slightly shaking from the anticipation and getting away with lying to Kyungsoo. Jongin justified that he did not actually lie; he just simply refrained from telling the truth.

Jongin did not go to town just because he was hungry and genuinely sick of Kyungsoo’s cooking. After actually eating something else and buying various food supplies to avoid Kyungsoo cooking the same food again, Jongin parked the car by the roadside and got out near a phone booth.

 

Making sure there wasn’t anyone around, Jongin took a deep breath and with the hood on his hoodie pulled low against his face, pushed the prepaid card he had bought earlier into the slot before dialing the number and waiting quite a while before the call was finally connected.

“Hello?”

“Mom, it’s me. Kai.” Jongin answered, feeling like he would burst into tears at any moment.

“Kai? Is this you? Oh my god, are you okay? Have you been eating well?”

“I’m alright. Are you healthy, mom? I’m sorry I haven’t been calling lately. I just got caught up a bit but it’s all good.” Jongin replied, speaking and hearing his native language being spoken to him made home feel a lot much closer.

“Kai, are you still doing that thing?”

“Yes. I still am but I will be done soon and I promise I will be home soon so take of yourself too alright?” Jongin choked, feeling the tears well up.

“You know, you don’t have to do everything they tell you to do. Just come home.”

“No. I’m doing this for everyone. It’ll be alright I promise. I can’t talk long so I have to go now but the next time you hear from me, it will be me telling you that I’m coming home. Goodbye.”

Jongin hung up the call and pulled the prepaid card out, breaking it in half and throwing it somewhere on the roadside on the way home back to Kyungsoo.

 

 

When Jongin arrived back home, the shutters were still shut as usual and Jongin thought that Kyungsoo probably would have gone to sleep by now.

Jongin stepped into the cold, dimly-lit house to hear the melody of the piano being played in a tune that was unfamiliar to him. Jongin set the grocery bags down on the kitchen counter and headed to the living room where he saw Kyungsoo behind the grand piano, playing a lovely melody.

 

Jongin thought that Kyungsoo looked rather good doing it but he quickly changed his mind when he noticed the pool of blood near Kyungsoo’s feet and the dead body of a young girl lying there on the ground.

“Welcome back, sunshine. How was your trip?” Kyungsoo greeted, smiling devilishly.

“Kyungsoo, what the fuck!?” Jongin exclaimed, throwing himself on the floor and checking the body for a pulse or signs of breathing.

Jongin, of course, found none of those and instead found a gashing wound from the girl’s neck, obviously from being stabbed.  Jongin looked up and saw a knife lying on the floor, not far from the piano.

The girl was very young based on her looks and Jongin guessed that she could be no older than he was, most likely being a minor who was supposed to be in school.

 

Kyungsoo stopped playing the piano, got up from piano stool and stood beside Jongin, avoiding the pool of blood.

“Don’t worry. I have no idea who she is. I caught her trying to break into the house and when the alarm went off, she hid in the bush outside so I dragged her into the house.” Kyungsoo claimed.

“Dragged her in here and then killed her? You didn’t have to kill her!” Jongin yelled, standing up and pulling Kyungsoo by the collar.

“She was trespassing. Most likely a thief too.”  Kyungsoo added.

“You still didn’t have to kill her for that!” Jongin sighed, exasperated and out of his wits.

“You kill people too. What’s the difference?”

“I kill in defense, not because someone broke into my house” Jongin snapped, rubbing his temples. Kyungsoo was literally giving him a headache.

“-but what if she was coming here to kill me? You never know? Oh wait, you said you like men. So, if it’s a guy, you wouldn’t be mad at me then?” Kyungsoo even chuckled, thinking that the situation was funny.

 

Jongin raised his hand to hit Kyungsoo out of anger but pulled his arm back before he even thought of doing it. Jongin was angry at how little Kyungsoo valued the life of others but he wasn’t about to stoop down to that level anytime soon. It was not like Jongin did not know how much a monster Kyungsoo was.

“Whatever. No matter how much I shout at you or try to knock sense into your head, it’s not going to bring back anyone to life.” Jongin sighed, shaking his head and feeling utterly defeated.                             

“You’re so tense. Don’t worry. I’ll clean it up and dispose of the body. I know what to do and I have the materials I need here too.” Kyungsoo smiled.

 

 

Jongin ended up having to help Kyungsoo carry the body to the bathtub while Kyungsoo stripped the dead girl from her clothes and belongings.

Jongin did not want to be around Kyungsoo while he did his work. Instead, Jongin volunteered to clean the floor with bleach while Kyungsoo worked on the body.

While on his hands and knees, scrubbing the bloody floor with a sponge, Jongin regretted ever even coming back to Kyungsoo when he could have just left, fully knowing what he was getting into by being here.

This was just a small fraction of it.

 

Jongin washed his hands repeatedly with a generous amount of soap after, scrubbing his fingers and between his nails to remove the stains of blood. Jongin turned the tap off when he heard Kyungsoo approaching him with several black garbage bags in his hand.

“Don’t use that bathroom for a while. I’m still fumigating it. I’m putting the bags in the fridge in the laundry room until we can bury it somewhere.” Kyungsoo announced, heading down to the laundry room in the wet kitchen.

“Sick fuck” Jongin muttered under his breath, shaking the droplets of water from his hand.

 

Kyungsoo later burnt the dead girl’s clothes and smashed her phone with a hammer, throwing the remaining broken pieces into the BBQ pit in the backyard to also be burnt together.

Jongin watched from between the shutters inside the house while Kyungsoo scooped up the ashes and coal from the BBQ pit to bury in the forest nearby.

Kyungsoo turned around, looked at the house and smiled and waved at Jongin before returning to shovel the earth to bury the evidence. Jongin did not talk to Kyungsoo for the rest of that day.

 

* * *

 

 

The next morning, Jongin was up early again and managed to catch Kyungsoo who was still awake himself.

Jongin woke up to find breakfast cooked, prepared and served on the dining table for two. Apart from that, everything else seemed normal. The shutters were down and blocked all the sunlight and the air-conditioner was running on the coldest setting as usual

 

Jongin muttered the words “good morning, sunshine” under his breath only loud enough for him to hear, knowing Kyungsoo would say it, having predicted the outcome.

Just seconds later, Kyungsoo greeted, “Good morning, sunshine.

“Yeah” was all Jongin replied.

“Sit down. I made breakfast. You said you were sick of eating the same food so I made something different today” Kyungsoo announced, sitting in his chair and inviting Jongin to join him.

 

Jongin did not protest, sitting down on his chair with the plate of food and mug laid out on the table in front of him. A napkin had also been laid out beside the plates and cutlery sets.

Jongin saw that Kyungsoo had prepared coffee instead and some sort of diced fried meat dish with gravy. It hardly looked like a breakfast dish, more fitting for a heavier meal later in the day, but still, it was the least perplexing thing Kyungsoo had done so far.

 

“Dig in” Kyungsoo urged Jongin, stabbing the fork into the meat and feeding himself.

Jongin picked up his fork and followed suit, pressing the meat down with his fork and cutting with the knife in his other hand.

It tasted different. It was not like any other meat Jongin ever had but it wasn’t bad either. Jongin simply attributed it to the way Kyungsoo cooked it.

“Do you like it?” Kyungsoo asked, watching Jongin chew and swallow the meat.

“Yeah. It’s good” Jongin complimented, biting into the flavor.

“I’m glad you do. I put a heart into that to make it for you.” Kyungsoo stated, smiling to himself.

“You mean you put _your_ heart into making it” Jongin corrected Kyungsoo at his choice of phrase.

“No, it’s not my heart but what you’re eating now is a heart.” Kyungsoo proclaimed.

Jongin dropped the fork in his hand, dropping and clattering onto the plate below.

 

“I didn’t buy any animal heart parts” Jongin mentioned, getting up and heading to the fridge.

Jongin looked through the fridge and saw that the fresh meat he had bought yesterday was all there and left untouched. None of it had been moved or even taken out from the fridge. So, what did Kyungsoo actually serve Jongin to eat?

Kyungsoo too got up from his chair and walked towards Jongin who was frozen on his feet, stunned and speechless.

“You didn’t buy it because I got it from the girl who tried to break into our house yesterday. Humans are animals though so I have to correct you on that.” Kyungsoo casually addressed, grinning.

 

Jongin cupped a hand over his mouth when he gagged at the revelation, rushing towards the sink and instantly throwing up. Even when he couldn’t vomit by reflex any further, Jongin stuck a finger down his throat to force himself to throw up. Jongin gargled water, rinsed and cleaned out his mouth and tongue with his fingers until his jaw and gums were sore from the abuse.

Kyungsoo stood nearby throughout the whole ordeal, watching Jongin and not even feeling a shred of guilt to what he had done.

“What the fuck is your problem?” Jongin leaned forward against the sink; head hanging low and just feeling like he had given up to even try to deal with Kyungsoo.

“The books say you feel love in the heart. Since you love me, I thought it would be fair that you are loved back too. But I just don’t know how love feels like so I thought that if we shared a heart together, then we would be able to love each other.” Kyungsoo explained, confident and sure of himself.

Jongin sighed, feeling like walking away and just leaving Kyungsoo. He was too emotionally drained to even feel anything and react anymore. Instead, Jongin took a deep breath and calmed himself down.

Jongin placed a hand on Kyungsoo’s shoulder and looked at the other man straight in the eye, calmly stating, “Kyungsoo, that’s not how it works.”

“Then how does it?”

 

Jongin opened his mouth to answer Kyungsoo but was interrupted by the doorbell ringing and knocking heard on the door.

“Are we expecting someone?” Jongin cautiously asked, abruptly changing the topic.

“No. We are not” Kyungsoo firmly answered, walking away from Jongin and picking up his gun in the drawer nearby.

 

Kyungsoo looked at the security camera feed and saw that it really wasn’t someone they were expecting at all.

With the gun still in his hand but put behind his back out of sight, Kyungsoo answered the door and opened it to reveal the uninvited guest. Jongin, too, saw the person and quickly walked up to the door.

 

“How may I help you?” Kyungsoo smiled, acting as fake as he could get and greeting the uninformed guest.

“Hello. I am with the police department and I’m here today because of a missing person report.”

 

 


	10. You Bequeathed Me

 

“What missing person report are you talking about?” Kyungsoo reiterated, smiling his fake smile with the gun behind his back out of sight as he answered the door.

The police officer at the door explained, “A teenage girl from the next town was reported missing a week ago. She’s had a history of running from home and she went missing again this time. She was last reported to be sighted around this area and we want to know if you have seen her.”

 

The police officer pulled out a folded piece of paper from his pocket, before unfolding it and showing it to Kyungsoo. It was another missing person poster featuring the same girl Kyungsoo had stabbed in the throat with details regarding the girl in question printed below the picture. It reminded Kyungsoo of the missing poster that featured Jongin.

“Have you seen her?” The police officer asked Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo shook his head, fake smile still plastered on his face, “I don’t think I have but I’m trying to remember. Do you want to come in for a cup of coffee maybe? You must be tired from all the duty, officer.”

 

Even before the police officer could open his mouth to reply, Jongin slammed the door shut with his hand from behind Kyungsoo.

“No, Kyungsoo! No!”  Jongin hissed, pulling the gun away from Kyungsoo.

“Give it back” Kyungsoo tried to wrestle the gun back into his own hands.

“No! I know what you’re going to do. Don’t kill anymore. It’s unnecessary” Jongin spat, his voice low to avoid being heard by the police officer standing outside the door.

“Is everything alright in there?” The police officer knocked on the door.

“Yes! Everything is alright. Hold on a second.” Jongin yelled back, pushing Kyungsoo to the ground so he wouldn’t be able to grab the gun.

 

Kyungsoo fell to the floor on his back with a loud thud, almost knocking a vase over as he went down. Jongin unloaded and dismantled the gun in less than a minute before tossing the parts across the room, where it landed behind a couch.

Kyungsoo saw this and scrambled on his hands and knees, crawling behind the couch to pick up the parts Jongin had dismantled.

 

Only then, Jongin answered the door with a perplexed looking police officer looking back at him. They were sure as hell suspicious now.

“I’m sorry, that was my brother who answered the door earlier. He was in a car accident when we were little and his brain is kind of out of tune so he says weird things. I shouldn’t have let him answer the door. I’m sorry for that.” Jongin bowed his head slightly, acting embarrassed and shy.

“I see” The police officer nodded, hand on his gun belt, “I’m just here to look for a missing girl in this picture.” The police officer once again showed the missing person poster.

Jongin furrowed his eyebrows, looking at the poster while pretending to be thinking and deep in thought before shaking his head, “No. I haven’t seen her. I’m sorry I can’t be of help.”

“Well, that’s alright then. If you have any information, please don’t hesitate to contact us.” The police officer bowed and turned around to leave.

Jongin was about to heave a sigh of relief when the police officer was about to leave, only for the police officer to turn back to Jongin.

“You know, you look familiar. Have we met before?” The police officer asked, sending a shiver down Jongin’s spine.

“I think you have me mistaken. People say I look like some celebrity so maybe you got mistaken there” Jongin came up with a lie and faked a laugh, brushing it off.

The police officer laughed along too, “Yeah. I think so. Well, have a good day then.”

 

Jongin smiled and too bowed in return, taking a few seconds before closing the door slowly and locking it up. Slamming the door in the police officer’s face wouldn’t be a good idea. They were already suspicious enough and it would seem like they had something to hide, which they did actually.

Jongin then peered through the shutters as the police car drove off their compound and left.

 

Kyungsoo had finally reassembled the gun back together again and was standing beside Jongin, gun in his hand, following suit by peering through the shutters alongside him, mimicking what Jongin was doing.

Jongin pulled back, shutters snapping back in place as he glared at Kyungsoo.

“What on earth did you think you were doing?” Jongin scolded, veins bulging in anger.

“I was going to take care of that policeman. That’s why I invited him inside. I had it under control, Jongin” Kyungsoo retorted, gun in his hand.

“So he can end up in six different garbage bags in the fridge? Can you stop killing people whenever they inconvenience you?” Jongin sighed, exasperatedly.

“I couldn’t let him catch you,” Kyungsoo added.

“He wasn’t after me. He was after the girl you killed for breaking in.” Jongin stressed, pressing his palms to his face and shaking his head.

“I’m doing this for you. You can’t take care of yourself.” Kyungsoo pointed out.

Jongin sighed even more, “Taking care of me? You got to be joking. I feel like I’m the one taking care of a ten year-old child who happens to be a professional killer.”

“I’m not ten years old. I’m twenty-eight.” Kyungsoo corrected.

“Even worse” Jongin stormed off back to his room.

 

 

Jongin pushed a drawer against the door so Kyungsoo couldn’t barge in while Jongin was in the room. Kyungsoo knew no sense of privacy or personal space and Jongin had to be the one to accommodate Kyungsoo’s weird behavior.

Jongin then hid under his blankets like he always did when he was troubled or feeling bad. It was a habit that he had picked up since he had been a captive of Kyungsoo.

It was too much for one day. Jongin was stressed out from unwillingly eating another human’s organs and then having the police show up at the door that Kyungsoo had tried to kill. Not to mention, the previous day where he had to deal with Kyungsoo killing people yet again.

Jongin was beyond pissed at Kyungsoo, to say the least. The urge to leave Kyungsoo was greater than ever now. Jongin would have failed if he left now but he no longer cared about that.

 

Jongin was afraid that he’d end up wrong in the head like Kyungsoo the longer he stayed there. Jongin was more concerned about his own well being now above everything else.

Kyungsoo wasn’t healthy for Jongin. Jongin doubted if Kyungsoo would ever be healthy for anyone anyway.

Jongin began considering leaving Kyungsoo very heavily now. Another straw and Jongin knew he wouldn’t be able to take any more of it.

Jongin also knew that given time, Kyungsoo would very certainly be the one to pull that last straw before he had enough. But still, Jongin stayed despite knowing the outcome and how he would feel about it when it happened.

Just a little bit more.

 

 

After that, Jongin spent the whole day and almost the rest of the next day ignoring and avoiding Kyungsoo. Their opposite waking schedules helped Jongin too.

Jongin made sure that he ate none of Kyungsoo’s cooking, even if Kyungsoo had been leaving food behind for Jongin. Jongin was still too traumatized to eat or trust whatever Kyungsoo had made.

Kyungsoo, on the other hand, didn’t try approaching or initiating a conversation with Jongin either during that time.

 

Jongin woke up late one morning and went down to the kitchen to have breakfast when he saw Kyungsoo sitting at the breakfast table with a slice of toast in his hand.

“Good morning, sunshine.” Kyungsoo greeted, one hand on the table top and the other holding up the half-eaten slice of toast.

Jongin grunted, wanting to turn and walk away but ended up doing the opposite. Jongin couldn’t help himself. There still existed a soft spot for Kyungsoo in his heart.

“Yeah, good morning.” Jongin half-heartedly replied, walking to the fridge and looking for something he could eat.

 

Jongin was feeling lazy and found nothing in the fridge he could make without much effort. There were Kyungsoo’s ready-to-eat meals and his bottles of green tea in the fridge but Jongin would rather eat the girl in the other fridge than eat that all over again.

Jongin slumped himself on the chair opposite from Kyungsoo at the breakfast table and took a slice of toast from Kyungsoo’s plate. Bread seemed harmless after all and less likely to be made of human body parts.

Jongin chewed through the toast, crumbs falling to the table below him as he looked up at Kyungsoo who was staring off into space, with his hand still holding up the now ignored half-eaten toast.

 

It was silent minus the sounds of Jongin chewing and the AC system running, plumbing cool air throughout the house. No other words were exchanged between them and Jongin was sort of scared that Kyungsoo might be mad at him.

“You have to leave today” Kyungsoo finally spoke up.

“What!?” Jongin gulped, swallowing, “Are you trying to chase me out from here?”

“Yes. Do as I say and leave today. Take all the things in the safe I told you about and go back to your own country.” Kyungsoo affirmed, staring emotionlessly at Jongin as he finished his slice of toast.

“Why are you making me leave?” Jongin sternly asked, raising his voice.

“It’s for your own good,” Kyungsoo replied with not a hint of emotion in his expression or voice.

Jongin laughed, slapping the table, “First you abduct me and not let me leave no matter how much I asked! Now you want me to just leave and even hold the door open while I do it? You are joking aren’t you?”

“No. I’m not joking. I told you that you’re not a part of this world. Do you know who the Chilsungpa are, Jongin?” Kyungsoo stressed.

“South Korea’s largest crime organization? I’m not stupid, Kyungsoo. You don’t even know me.” Jongin retorted.

“I was hired to kill one of their higher ranked members a few months ago and the person who hired me sold me out too. I couldn’t come up with a deal with them so now, they want me dead and so I will die. They are on their way here now” Kyungsoo revealed.

“How did they find you here?” Jongin asked, alarmed.

 “I told them my location,” Kyungsoo answered.

 

Jongin stood up, slamming his fists down on the table, “Why would you do that!? How more stupid can you get?”

“I failed so I must die to fix my mistake.”

“If you made a mistake, then live! Live to fix it and learn to not repeat it again. Death is not always the answer to things!” Jongin angrily reached over the breakfast table, pulling Kyungsoo up by the collar.

“It’s the only way I know, Jongin. This is the world I belong to and I already told you that you don’t belong here. So you must leave and save yourself before you get dragged further into this world.” Kyungsoo answered, looking back into Jongin’s eyes.

“You don’t know me, Kyungsoo” Jongin’s voice croaked and was shaking out of fear and anxiousness, but his grip on Kyungsoo’s collar was still strong.

“Go, Jongin. Leave. This is what you wanted isn’t it?” Kyungsoo softly told Jongin, resting his hands on Jongin’s fisting his collar.

“You are the most selfish person I have ever met.” Jongin’s voice hitched, letting go of Kyungsoo.

 

 

Jongin knew that he didn’t want to leave. He had a list of reasons to justify him staying there with Kyungsoo despite how unpleasant it could get to be there.

The cons of being with Kyungsoo always outweighed the pros if there were any, to begin with, but right now, Jongin only thought of his survival and his desire to be free. The only way he would ever get that was by leaving.

 

Jongin packed a bag with the clothes he had bought and the gun that Kyungsoo had given him. Kyungsoo also supplied Jongin with more magazines for him to reload his gun with.

Kyungsoo himself opened the safe for Jongin. The safe was full of cash, fake traveling documents, papers, keys and burner phones. It was everything Jongin would ever need to leave the country illegally and make his passage back home.

Kyungsoo dumped everything into Jongin’s bag, while Jongin held the bag open.

Jongin wanted to say something, anything to Kyungsoo before he left. But he couldn’t bring himself to open his mouth because he knew very well he might change his mind and stay.

 

Sacrifices had to be made and Jongin reluctantly left Kyungsoo within half an hour after their altercation at the breakfast table.

Kyungsoo literally stood by and held the door open for Jongin. When Jongin was first kidnapped, he never thought that he would ever leave through a door held wide open by the very same man who had abducted him.

Jongin had always fantasized about breaking out and running away by himself. This was not how he had imagined things to be. How did it become like this?

 

 

Jongin drove out of the town, in the opposite direction he came from. With his hands on the wheel, feet on the pedal and eyes on the road; Jongin drove as far as he could from the place where Kyungsoo was at.

The bag he had full of the things Kyungsoo gave him was placed on the passenger seat, brim still wide open and exposing all the items Kyungsoo had left him as a parting gift.

 

Jongin had a long journey to make. He had to drive south all the way to Busan where there would be a port and a ship that could take him back home. It was how Jongin had entered the country in the first place with illegal papers made back at home. This time, he would be leaving with the illegal papers Kyungsoo had forged instead.

Jongin knew the ship left at night and that he could arrive by then with a few hours to spare. It wasn’t even noon yet. Even if Jongin missed it, there was one more ship he could take the next morning.

He wasn’t really in a bad spot now. All he needed to do was lay low and leave the country when he could. After all, had gotten by for almost two years without getting caught, masquerading as an average citizen, until Kyungsoo came into the picture at least.

Until Jongin made the mistake of falling in love with Kyungsoo.

 

 

Jongin had time and he was in no rush but still, he couldn’t erase or ignore the feeling and sense of urgency that he felt. He wasn’t scared for himself. He was scared for Kyungsoo and he wanted to try his best to ignore that feeling.

It wasn’t healthy to go back to Kyungsoo. His heart and mind were contradicting each other. He was already literally on that road to freedom and escape and turning back would be very stupid of him, and Jongin knew that.

 

Jongin’s heart was racing fast, his breathing uneven, his fingers feeling numb and tingly and he was beginning to feel dizzy from all that.

Not being able to continue driving, Jongin pulled up to the side of a road in another town he had arrived in, not very far from where he left. Jongin had his forehead pressed against the steering wheel in cold sweat with his hands slumped at his side.

Jongin never thought that it would feel this overwhelming either.

Jongin left the car, walked across the road to the convenience store and bought a large bottle of drinking water thinking that it would help him feel better.

 

“That would be 1,990 won.” The cashier announced.

Jongin pulled out a wad of cash from his back pocket which Kyungsoo had given him and handed the cashier a 50,000 won note.

Jongin lowkey hated it when Kyungsoo always came into the store and gave Jongin large denominations to pay for his purchase. Jongin didn’t really like the hassle of giving so much change in return for cheap purchases.

To be the one doing it now made him feel more like Kyungsoo and less like the person he used to be.

 

“Here is your change sir,” The cashier, a young male, who looked like a high school student in his part-time job, politely handed the change back to Jongin.

“Thank you” Jongin replied, looking at the cashier’s nametag and laughing to himself.

“Is there anything wrong, sir?” The cashier worriedly asked, thinking he had done something wrong.

“Oh, no it’s okay. You know what? Just keep the change, Lee Kyungsoo.” Jongin walked out of the store, not even taking the bottle of water with him.

 

Jongin wasn’t even sure now if the universe was with or against him, but he believed it was trying to tell him something. Jongin knew now where he was headed.

 

 

Kyungsoo sat on a stool, waiting by the kitchen island. His green tea bottle was resting on the counter for a while now. Water droplets were condensing, forming on the bottle and dropping down where they pooled up into a small puddle on the table.

The AC had been turned off, the shutters were up and the front door was left unlocked on purpose. Kyungsoo was keen on not running away again.

 

Kyungsoo checked the time on his wristwatch one last time, thinking that Jongin should have gotten far enough by now.

Kyungsoo had his gun on his lap in his grasp. It was fully loaded but he knew that fifteen shots weren’t really enough to face what was coming for him.

Fifteen shots were fourteen more than what he needed to take his life, however. Kyungsoo regretted nothing.

 

Kyungsoo pointed the end of the barrel of the gun on his skull behind his ear, properly angling the gun, knowing that was the best place to fire a gun and kill instantly and painlessly.

Kyungsoo closed his eyes and had his finger ready on the trigger, just when he heard the screeching tires of a car pulling up in his driveway. Not just one car but maybe two or three.

 

 

One of the cars had Jongin driving behind the wheel.

 

 

And then the shot to begin it all was fired.

 

 


	11. You Told Me

 

Jongin floored the gas pedal, running and knocking over into one of the men sent after Kyungsoo, who had just pulled up in Kyungsoo’s driveway and were exiting their expensive black cars. There were four men sent after Kyungsoo this time, one more than previously.

Jongin had turned the car around, rushing back to Kyungsoo and finding himself driving just behind the suspicious black car with tinted windows also heading in the same direction as him. It didn’t take much or a genius for Jongin to figure out who it could be.

The men chasing after Kyungsoo did not even suspect Jongin, assuming he was just a random driver on the same path. The less conspicuous car did help after all, which was why Kyungsoo had them change cars when they first ran away.

 

Only when Jongin also pulled up in Kyungsoo’s driveway, did they suspect something was up, that Jongin was no random driver going the same way. By then, Jongin had run into one of the men who had exited the car and pulled out his gun, attempting to fire at Jongin.

One down, three to go, Jongin thought, reversing the car with the front bumper now stained with blood and human flesh and quickly getting out with two loaded guns in each hand.

Jongin was taught that dual wielding guns weren’t really a good idea unless you planned on injuring your arm later from the recoil but he had no choice. He was outnumbered and he had to stop them from getting to Kyungsoo.

 

Kyungsoo heard it. The gunshot that was fired that did not come from the barrel of his gun, nor was it directed at him. Kyungsoo had to look twice at his own gun and hand to make sure he really wasn’t imagining the sound.

No one else but him was supposed to be the one firing a gun at that time.

Getting up from the chair he had chosen to die on, Kyungsoo rushed to the front door with the gun in his hand and swung the door open to see Jongin currently being wrestled to the ground by two other men, while another was dead on the ground from being run over by a car.

But what caught Kyungsoo’s attention the most was Jongin. Jongin was there and fighting his enemies, fighting his battle.

 

Another man saw Kyungsoo storm out of the house and pointed his gun towards Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo did not hesitate, firing upon the man before he was fired upon. Such was the code of living in such a world. Kill before you are killed.

Kyungsoo was out of precision but landed a few shots in the chest and one in the head, enough to kill.

Two down, two to go.

 

The two men pinning down and beating Jongin diverted their attention towards Kyungsoo and their fallen comrade, pointing their guns towards Kyungsoo and firing at him. Kyungsoo had ducked behind his car, which Jongin had been driving.

Using the distraction Kyungsoo had provided, Jongin scrambled to pick his gun up, which had fallen onto the ground and shot another man in the back before he had the chance to turn around and shoot Jongin.

Three down, one to go.

 

Outnumbered one to two, the last remaining man sent after Kyungsoo was cornered and surrendered, dropping his gun to the ground on his knees with his hands on his head.

Jongin and Kyungsoo both stood by the man, surrounding and pointing their guns at his head.

“We need to go. The neighbors might have seen us and called the police” Jongin told Kyungsoo, eyes fixed on his target and hand slightly trembling.

“There’s still one more pest we have to take care of” Kyungsoo responded, his finger ready on the trigger.

“No. Let him live.” Jongin firmly ordered.

“Why should I?” Kyungsoo snarled.

“Listen to me, Kyungsoo.” Jongin dropped his tone and softly spoke to persuade Kyungsoo.

“I had this under control. I didn’t need your help.” Kyungsoo reluctantly gave in to Jongin’s demands.

 

 

Jongin took out his bag from Kyungsoo’s car and together with Kyungsoo; they took the car and remaining guns belonging to the hitmen who had been sent after Kyungsoo and drove off leaving the sole survivor behind. Kyungsoo changed into more casual clothes; wearing a jacket and a cap he found from Jongin’s bag.

Jongin drove again this time with Kyungsoo constantly looking behind or through the rearview mirror to see if they were being tailed. No one seemed to be coming for them yet.

Jongin drove faster this time, almost flooring the gas, overtaking other cars on the highway, running stop signs and red lights. He was focused on the road and their destination.

 

“Who are you really?” Kyungsoo asked, watching a stern looking Jongin drive and swerve to overtake another car.

Jongin did not answer Kyungsoo, not even peeling his eyes off the road for even a second. Somehow, Kyungsoo actually felt intimidated.

He didn’t understand Jongin but neither understood the other anyway.

 

 

After driving for miles with the road stretched in front and behind them, they reached the exit to the city of Busan after a few hours into their journey.

Jongin did not take that turn however and took a detour onto a quiet highway road surrounded by a pine forest on one side and the shoreline on the other. It was high noon with the sun high up in the sky, glistening down and sparkling onto the calm ocean waters.

Kyungsoo himself had to turn to look out the window at the ocean. It was calming and mesmerizing and there was sort of a comfort in watching the placid waters.

The roads were quiet and save for a few cars going the opposite direction, soon disappearing out of their sight.

 

At a section of the road where it was at the same level as the deserted beach, Jongin drove off the road and onto the sand, stopping just at the line where the waves didn’t reach with the current tide condition.

Jongin killed the engine and opened the door for fresh air, taking off his seatbelt as he sighed and pressed his forehead on the steering wheel of the car they had stolen from the mafia members.

Kyungsoo did not budge, sitting straight with his seatbelt still fastened, looking ahead at the ocean through the glass. The sounds of the waves lapping against the shore were heard and that of the sea breeze blowing and echoing around them.

The air was fresh, salty and just right.

 

“You didn’t have to come back for me. I have nowhere to go now, nowhere but death.” Kyungsoo dreadfully told Jongin as the breeze blew into the car from the door.

“Yes, you do. You’re coming with me” Jongin sighed, calmly.

“We’re doing a double suicide?”

“Maybe” Jongin shrugged.

“Who are you really? What is your real name?” Kyungsoo took off his cap, putting it on the dashboard and fixing his hair.

Jongin looked out towards the sea, “My real name is Kai. It’s written in the character meaning ‘ocean’ in my language.”

“Is that why you chose to come here to the beach?” Kyungsoo asked, unfastening his seatbelt.

“Sort of. Well, my home is across the ocean too. So, when I look at it, I feel like I’m closer to home.” Kai answered, sitting with his legs outside the car and turned, looking at the ocean.

“Hmm…” Kyungsoo pondered, “Kai meaning ocean and you come from across the sea. Are you Japanese?”

“Yeah. I think my mother told me that I have Korean ancestry though from both sides but I’m not too sure”

“That explains the accent” Kyungsoo closed his eyes and leaned back on the chair, arms folded across his chest.

“What about you? Is Do Kyungsoo your real name?” Jongin took off his shoes and socks, putting his feet down on the sand so he could feel it between his toes.

“It is. I’m not Japanese like you though”, Kyungsoo chuckled.

“Who are you really too? Have you always been killing people? Why do you kill people? Did your parents not love you enough and hit you while you were growing up causing you to be like this?”

Kyungsoo opened his eyes, reclined his seat back and lying down, “My dad is a politician. My mom writes for a fashion magazine. I have an elder brother and sister too who are married and have children of their own. They never hit me or scolded me. They gave me everything I wanted, they attended my soccer games in school, read the essays I wrote, complimented my science fair projects and we never had a hard life. I was always top in class and my friends and teachers liked me. We had a large house with a yard and expensive purebred dogs and during the holidays, we’d go on lavish overseas vacations and we got lots of pocket money and gifts.”

Jongin turned to glare at Kyungsoo, “-and you still ended up like  _this?”_

“I like killing people because I’m good at it. I don’t get caught, nobody escapes from me and it gives me a sense of fulfillment. The look in their eyes when they plead for their lives is exciting. You will never see a human being try their hardest not until they know they’re about to die. Everything else is half-hearted and I’m a lucky man to work with that” Kyungsoo admitted.

Jongin was already beginning to feel sick hearing Kyungsoo but he asked anyway. He had not gotten this far to not hear the answers that had been bugging him.

“How did you get into this business anyway if your family wasn’t part of the mafia?” Jongin asked, glancing away momentarily from the ocean to look at Kyungsoo briefly.

“You were right about me being a dentist. I am or rather was. During my internship, we did charity dental work for some homeless people. Meth addict with a heart problem comes in to get his wisdom tooth removed and didn’t tell us about his drug history. Died under anesthesia and my dad had to pull some strings so my career wouldn’t end due to malpractice. I ended my own career though later-out of my free will” Kyungsoo sighed.

“-but you didn’t kill that man,” Jongin interjected.

“Yes, I didn’t. But the first thought in my head when I found out that he died was how to remove the body and hide that it ever happened, instead of reporting it like I am supposed to. I then realized at that moment that I just felt nothing. No grief, no sorrow, no guilt or despair. Nothing.” Kyungsoo sat up, opening the door at his side.

“So you just decided to become a hitman after that?” Jongin continued asking.

“Basically, yes. I learned the ropes of the business myself and got in by my own accord. My family still thinks I moved overseas to run a non-profit charity dentistry clinic.” Kyungsoo laughed, putting one foot outside the car onto the sand.

“Have you ever felt bad for all that you have done? For all the lives you took?” Jongin asked as a strong breeze blowing through from the car doors left open.

“I know killing people is wrong but I couldn’t stop myself and sometimes I do feel bad about it. But when I kill, I’m benefiting someone else; usually, it’s the person who hired me. So I’m doing some good too. I don’t think about it too much.” Kyungsoo answered, getting out of the car.

 

Kyungsoo sat outside on the sand, hugging his legs as he stared at the glistening ocean under the sun with the breeze blowing and ruffling his hair.

Jongin followed Kyungsoo shortly later, walking barefooted with his shoes in his hand as he slumped down on the sand beside Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo turned his head to look at Jongin sitting beside him and smiled, “You can’t be the only one asking questions. That wouldn’t be fair. I have a few things I need to ask you too.”

“Fine. Go ahead” Jongin approved, putting his shoes aside.

“Were you really watching me because you loved me?”

“I did. I knew nothing about you or what you do.  I honestly thought you were a businessman or something like that.” Jongin truthfully replied, resting his chin on his knee.

Kyungsoo chuckled, “I really thought you were spying on me which is why I had to kidnap you. Kill or be killed you know.”

 

Jongin grunted, slightly annoyed. He had suspected that he had ended up in this out of a misunderstanding and Kyungsoo just confirmed that.

“You say that but you never killed me even though you had all the opportunities to do it.” Jongin pointed out.

Kyungsoo answered, smiling, looking towards the ocean, “Because you are the only person I met who was stupid enough to fall in love with a monster and you were pretty interesting too…I guess?”

Jongin sighed. It was not like he hadn’t seen the outcome of being frustrated to listen to Kyungsoo talk and reveal the truth. It was very fitting for Kyungsoo after all.

“What are you doing in this country anyway and working in a convenience store for?” Kyungsoo asked, looking at Jongin to his side.

“I am my father’s third son but my mother is only his mistress so I am an illegitimate child who wasn’t really set to inherit anything. My elder brothers are dead now and I’m the only heir left in the family. They had supporters though and they were going to kill me if I stayed in the country. So, I left two years ago and I came here illegally and got a job in that store. Recently, I heard that my father is asking me to return back home and that he’s going to acknowledge me as his son.” Jongin revealed, pushing his hair back which had been blown by the wind.

“What kind of fucked up family did you come from where people kill each other? Is that where you learned to fight and use a gun?” Kyungsoo snickered.

“Yeah” Jongin paused, “That’s how.”

“What’s your surname?”

“Yamaguchi”

“Wow, fuck. Like the Yamaguchi-gumi? If you’re yakuza then that explains a lot.” Kyungsoo deadpanned.

“I am” Jongin confessed the hard truth.

 

Kyungsoo sighed, brushing sand off the hem of his trousers, “I don’t want to be involved with you mafia people. I'm in this mess in the first place because of that. You people confuse me with that entire loyalty thing. I believe loyalty can be bought”

Jongin grabbed Kyungsoo’s hand and stared into his eyes, “Do you hate me now?”

“I don’t hate anything, Jongin.” Kyungsoo smiled.

“But you said you don’t like working with the mafia and that’s who I am.”

“Well, I didn’t know that until now did I? Just like you didn’t know what I did for a living when you fell in love with me and started watching me. None of us ever had the choice did we, sunshine?” Kyungsoo patted Jongin on the cheek with his free hand, not in Jongin’s strong grasp.

“Come back to Japan with me, Kyungsoo. You can be my guest and hide there and stay low. The Chilsungpa won’t touch you in my father’s territory.” Jongin pleaded, now holding Kyungsoo’s hand with both of his.

“Don’t ruin your life for me, Jongin. You’re still young. Go back to Japan and forget me if you can. I’m not apologizing though so don’t wait for, or expect an apology from me. You have your entire life ahead of you and I have decided that my end will be here today.”

“I’m already twenty-one years old. I know what I’m doing.” Jongin grabbed Kyungsoo’s hand even harder.

Kyungsoo actually genuinely laughed this time. “You’re younger than I thought. Make sure you get your teeth checked when the wisdom tooth grows out in a few years. Your jaw looks crowded and I think it might grow out impacted”.

“Why are you telling me all of this if you’re going to leave me anyway?” Jongin sorrowfully asked with a glimmer of sadness in his eyes.

Kyungsoo ran a hand through Jongin’s thick locks being blown by the wind, “You can love a monster and it can even love you back, but that doesn’t change its nature. I’ll always be Do Kyungsoo, the butcher like you said. No amount of love you can give me will ever change who I am.”

Jongin heaved, pressing Kyungsoo’s hand in his grasp to his own cheek, “I don’t care. Just come with me, please.”

“Are you sure? Have you heard of Stockholm’s Syndrome? Remember to talk to a therapist when you get back home” Kyungsoo winced, trying to pull his hand away.

“I’ve killed people too!”

“You only killed for defense. You were the one who said it was different than me killing too.” Kyungsoo pushed at Jongin’s head to free himself from Jongin’s grasp.

 

Kyungsoo finally managed to free himself from Jongin and stood up, heading back to the car and getting the gun to finally shoot himself in the head and end his life.

Jongin ran to the car, reaching there before Kyungsoo and grabbed the gun from the seat even before Kyungsoo managed to get it.

“No, I’m not letting you do this,” Jongin warned.

“You do know this car we stole has a GPS tracker and they will come here for us very soon. Did you actually think I’m going to get out of this alive? I’m dead either way.” Kyungsoo retorted.

“You said we never had a choice. I’m giving you one now. Come with me or else-“ Jongin provided an ultimatum to Kyungsoo, his voice almost drowned out by the howling wind and his hair disheveled from being blown around.

“Or else what?” Kyungsoo sternly stood his ground.

“Or else I’ll have to kidnap you so I can bring you back home with me.” Jongin couldn’t help but smile. He was dead serious but considering the nature of their relationship and situation, it came off as rather comical.

Kyungsoo smiled, half-laughing and shaking his head, “That’s not how you kidnap people, Jongin. You can’t tell them you’re going to do that beforehand. You should have learned from how I did it to you.”

 

And they both laughed but they had yet to learn.

 

 


	12. You Took Me

 

Hotels never close. Hotels are open 24 hours a day, every day, all year round. Love hotels fall into this category and although love hotels are mostly frequented during the night, they are still open during the day too.

There is a love hotel in downtown Tokyo, in a district populated with karaoke bars and entertainment outlets. This particular love hotel occupies an entire five-story building and despite the competition with similar premises in the area, the establishment has proved itself to be a prominent fixture in the area with the regular and loyal clientele.

 

Twenty-nine years old, a former dentist and semi-retired hitmen, Do Kyungsoo, works the evening shift from 8 pm to 8 am at the hotel as the front desk attendant and receptionist. Kyungsoo works five-sometimes six days a week.

The shifts are long and boring. The pay isn’t that great either but Kyungsoo has to work there because he is wanted in his home country and he had happened to kidnap the son of the crime lord the hotel belonged to. Everything has been downhill since then.

 

Kyungsoo lives with Jongin’s mother in a small two bedroom apartment not far from the hotel. Jongin lives in a large traditional manor with his father, now that he has been recognized as the legitimate heir to the yakuza clan.

Jongin drops by the apartment a few times a week but Jongin always visits Kyungsoo almost every night at the establishment, and it is honestly the only thing Kyungsoo looks forward to these days. Everything else is mundane and depressing.

 

 

Kyungsoo never smiles to the customers. He scowls and puts on a sour face, secretly hoping they won’t strike an unnecessary conversation with him because his Japanese is bad, only being there for less than four months.

But when Jongin comes in, Kyungsoo can’t help but smile and greet his sunshine, even if Jongin only comes in at night. Kyungsoo can speak his mother tongue with Jongin and Kyungsoo lowkey misses his home country but won’t admit it. Jongin feels like home to Kyungsoo now.

 

 

 

Kyungsoo had come to Japan reluctantly. He was knocked out, and then kidnapped by Jongin and the yakuza who illegally smuggled him on a cargo ship.

When Kyungsoo had come to, he awoke in an unfamiliar small cramped bed overlooking a window. The windows were grilled but Kyungsoo could look outside, seeing the street signs and neon lights in a language he recognized but did not understand.

Kyungsoo looked around the rather normal looking room and finds a picture of Jongin on the table. It was enough for Kyungsoo to piece two and two to figure out where he was, in Jongin’s room in his house.

Kyungsoo was greeted by a middle-aged woman who looked sort of like Jongin, speaking broken English to him and soon found out that he would now have to live with Jongin’s mother, learn Japanese, pretend to be Jongin’s mother’s nephew and get a “normal” job.

 

 

Jongin had helped get Kyungsoo the job at the love hotel owned by Jongin’s father; since the night shift would fit Kyungsoo’s waking schedules.

Kyungsoo saw the nametag he was given in the fake Japanese alias he would have to use and then it hit him; that he was now living Jongin’s previous life. Kyungsoo had no power here in a foreign country where he had no connections, barely knew the language, customs or anyone else. Kyungsoo depended entirely on Jongin and it was not like he could just leave and return home either.

He was the victim and Jongin was his kidnapper. Although not being held a captive by conventional means, Kyungsoo knew his freedom was just an illusion and he was only allowed as much as Jongin would let him have.

 

 

“That would be 11,000 yen for the castle themed room for one night.” Kyungsoo lazily announced with a straight face from behind the front desk in the hotel lobby.

“Do you accept card?” The young looking man asked, with a skimpily dressed woman clinging to his arm.

Kyungsoo sighed, “Yes. But we impose a 5% surcharge for credit payments.”

“We’ll use card then.” The man smiled wide, patting the woman on her butt, passing his credit card to Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo was internally screaming as he swiped the card, waited for the approval message and returned the card together with the room key.

“Don’t choke?” Kyungsoo told the couple in Korean, muttering under his breath.

They did not understand Kyungsoo and laughed it off as gibberish.

 

When there aren’t any other customers around and nothing to do, Kyungsoo returns to his Japanese language book and studies. Kyungsoo only has to watch the front desk, check-in people and answers call for reservations and inquiries. The rest of the staff does the remaining work and Kyungsoo has not bothered to get to know them.

But Jongin always comes in every night, around one or two in the morning when Kyungsoo is on his shift break.

Jongin always gets a room, the same loft themed room and spends the 90 minutes there with Kyungsoo until break time is over. Kyungsoo does not say anything about the room being renovated to mimic the loft he used to keep Jongin in. Only the freezer was missing.

No one else but Jongin was allowed to use this room.

 

 

Jongin always comes in, dropped off by his chauffeur in an expensive black sedan. Jongin is always smartly dressed and comes in with takeaway food from the Korean restaurant with a bottle of green tea. The food tastes different than what Kyungsoo is used to but the green tea is better.

 

Jongin lies down on the bed in the loft themed room beside Kyungsoo, talking about his day and what he had been up to recently and as of late.

Kyungsoo has his Japanese book in his lap and usually a pencil for him to write down and practice.

Jongin rolls over, leaning on an arm, “Kyungsoo, have you been listening to me?”

Kyungsoo glances up from his book, “Yeah, you told me your father wanted you to sit beside him during the meeting with the other leaders and you’re nervous about it because it’s an important meeting and it’s your first time.”

Jongin chuckles, resting an arm on Kyungsoo’s lap, “So, you were actually listening”.

“I haven’t gone deaf, Jongin.” Kyungsoo retorted.

“You can call me Kai, you know.” Jongin playfully pouts.

“We’ll see”

 

Jongin leaves after Kyungsoo’s break time is up. When Kyungsoo returns back to the apartment in the morning after work, sometimes Jongin is there having breakfast with his mother. Sometimes, he doesn’t come at all and Kyungsoo lowers his head, excuses himself and spends the day locked away in Jongin’s old room-now his room.

 

 

 

“You’re cute uh…Saito Keiichi?”, a tall burly man in black leans over the front desk, reading the fake name off Kyungsoo’s name tag while trying to flirt with Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo stands up straight, clears his throat and taps on the plaque fixed onto the reception desk.

“No solicitation allowed on premises. The brothel is one district down from here” Kyungsoo sternly reminds the man flirting with him.

“Well, it isn’t solicitation if you want it too, right?”, the man wearing black continues to press on.

“I don’t recall saying that I want it?” Kyungsoo responds.

“You should be nicer to your customers you know if you want their business.” The man defensively tries to correct Kyungsoo.

“What?” Kyungsoo deadpans, eyes and expression void of emotion.

The man snarls at Kyungsoo and leaves. Kyungsoo would have stabbed the man in the neck and have his dead body chopped up into six sections if he were back home in Seoul. He wasn’t however, and Kyungsoo wondered if anyone would ever expect what he used to do for a living.

 

Jongin comes in again later right on time that night, bringing the food and drink for Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo eats on the bed while Jongin lies on Kyungsoo’s lap. Kyungsoo does not agree with what Jongin is doing, but he does not find himself resisting either.

“Kyungsoo, my father is going to hand me a few of his businesses and he wants me to run it. One of it is this rowdy bar in Shibuya” Jongin tells, tracing his finger against Kyungsoo’s clothed thigh.

“Mmm,” Kyungsoo hums, chewing into the kimbap Jongin had bought for him.

“You never talk much these days”, Jongin comments.

“Yeah, sorry” Kyungsoo swallows, finishing his food and tries to be more attentive.

“Tell me something too about yourself.” Jongin urges.

“Uh…” Kyungsoo gapes, “Well, some man came in here earlier and tried to flirt with me, even tried to pay me for sex. That’s it I think. Oh, I think your mom said she needs a new food blender because the old one broke.”

“I see. I’ll drop by tomorrow or the day after”

 

 

 

Two nights later, Kyungsoo has just finished answering a call regarding a reservation when Erika, the hotel maid, comes running to the front desk to Kyungsoo.

It was about 4 am, a few more hours till Kyungsoo’s shift ended and Jongin had not come in that night or so he thought. Kyungsoo believed Jongin was out of town to do some business dealings on behalf of his father.

“You need to check out the magic-themed room on the third floor now. Now!” Erika pants, visibly shaken.

“What’s wrong?” Kyungsoo asks, marking something off of the scheduler almanac.

 

Erika pushes Kyungsoo into the elevator until they reached the third floor. Erika does not follow Kyungsoo down the hallway, staying in the elevator, so he checks the magic-themed room by himself.

Kyungsoo swings the door open and sees a dead body lying on the bed on top of a large blood stain on the sheets.

“Oh” Kyungsoo walks up to the bed and inspects the body.

It was the same man that had come in and tried to flirt with Kyungsoo, offering him money for sex. The man’s throat is slashed and there is blood spray on the walls behind the bed.

Kyungsoo shakes his head, “What did I say about cutting vertically and not horizontally.”

Kyungsoo calls the member of the yakuza-his employers to dispose of the body and later teaches Erika how to clean blood stains off of the walls and sheets. Erika is actually attentive and Kyungsoo wishes Jongin could have been. Apparently, it was something expected when you worked for a business owned by the yakuza.

Kyungsoo had a lot to tell Jongin the next time they saw each other.

 

 

After Kyungsoo’s shift ends, he returns back to the apartment where he sees Jongin having breakfast with his mother at the small round table in the cramped kitchenette. The apartment was very small and was just beside the living room.

“Welcome back” Jongin smiles, turning around at his waist while seated on the chair to greet Kyungsoo.

“Kyungsoo, did you have anything to eat yet? Do you want anything to eat?” Jongin’s mother ushers him to sit down with them and eat.

“Thank you” Kyungsoo smiles and joins them at the table.

 

 

Jongin’s mother helped hide Kyungsoo’s real identity, masquerading him as her nephew, but she did not know about Kyungsoo’s real profession nor what he had done to her precious only son.

Jongin only had nice things to say about Kyungsoo, going on and on about how Kyungsoo “saved” him while he was in Korea.

 

Kyungsoo glares at Jongin sitting across him and speaks to him in Korean, “Don’t try to kill people if you’re not going to clean it up later. You made a mess.”

“I did it for you. I put it there because I wanted you to see it” Jongin proudly claims, conversing also in Korean so his mother cannot understand them.

“I didn’t ask for your help.  I didn’t ask for all this.” Kyungsoo hisses, pretending to smile in front of Jongin’s mother.

“My my, what are you two young men talking about” Jongin’s mother tries to lighten up the visibly tense atmosphere.

“I was just teaching Jongin some things about what he should do his job. Your son has a lot to learn yet” Kyungsoo smiles, kicking Jongin’s foot under the table.

Jongin flinches from the kick, hiding the pain from his mother and pretends to laugh off Kyungsoo’s statement.

 

 

 

“It’s 15,000 yen for the western themed room. I do recommend you get the space-themed room since it’s larger and might fit your company. I can give you discount at 18,000 yen for the space themed room. The normal price is 20,000 yen usually”, Kyungsoo suggests to some TV celebrity who had walked in with three women under his arms.

“We’ll take it then. You can join us if you want too”, the celebrity loudly announced, laughing and throwing the money and tips into Kyungsoo’s face to apparently impress his entourage of bar hostesses.

Kyungsoo sucked it up, counting the money and handing the key over, despite the urge to kill that man so much.

 

Kyungsoo never felt more insulted in his life, not until he had experienced living as a fugitive in a foreign country and working there in that place he called a shithole. Being hit on or solicited by the customers had become a normal occurrence to him that Kyungsoo didn’t care for so much.

Being talked rudely to and treated like a lower person was something Kyungsoo could not get quite used to. In South Korea, he was revered and feared by the people who knew him and what he did. He was at the best of his job and at the top of his game. No one would, or rather dared to treat him that abhorrent way, lest they still wanted their head attached to their shoulders.

Here, Kyungsoo was nobody and not even Jongin seemed to be listening to him.

 

A few weeks later, just as his shift is ending; Kyungsoo goes to the front door to pick up the daily newspaper subscription where the headline read that the same TV celebrity who had come in earlier, had been fired from his popular talk show slot due to some finance scandal.

Kyungsoo ignores the said article, flipping through the pages so he can use the newspaper for his language studies.

Kyungsoo was only pleased that he was actually getting better at speaking the new language he was slowly mastering. Everything in his life had been low and getting lower ever since he made that mistake of kidnapping Jongin.

 

 

 

In January, Kyungsoo discovered that his birthday was just two days before Jongin’s. Kyungsoo, of course, told no one about his birthday and spent it working away without even acknowledging it.

Jongin had asked about Kyungsoo’s birthday, but Kyungsoo never answered. If not for Jongin, Kyungsoo would have forgotten that he too actually had a birthday like everyone else.

Jongin’s twenty-second birthday was celebrated lavishly among the yakuza but at the end of the night, Jongin sneaked home from the party with a cake. Jongin spent the rest of the night, blowing candles on the cake surrounded by his mother and a less than enthusiastic Kyungsoo who was told to take the night off from work.

“Come on. Wish for something” Jongin’s mother smiled, taking pictures with her camera of both Jongin and Kyungsoo.

“Yeah, hurry up.” Kyungsoo insisted.

“Then, I wish that Kyungsoo can stay with us here forever as a family.” Jongin smiled, blowing the candles off his cake.

Kyungsoo never felt this feeling before, but his heart sank to the pits of his stomach when he heard Jongin’s wish. Kyungsoo only felt dreadful and even more trapped than he already was. Kyungsoo did not understand fear nor did he think that he would ever be able to feel it.

 

 

 

It was Kyungsoo’s off day that day. It was nearing February and the weather was still cold but getting warmer as the days passed on. The winter in Japan was less harsh than it was in South Korea, Kyungsoo noticed. It also snowed less in Japan but that day just turned out be more chilly than the rest.

It was noon and Kyungsoo was lying in bed under the blankets, getting ready to sleep. The space heater in the room was turned on, radiating heat for more warmth and comfort.

Kyungsoo heard his door open and closed his eyes, pretending to be asleep. Kyungsoo had locked the door before he went to bed and he knew Jongin’s mother had the key, but that she would also not open his door without his permission.

It was Jongin. Technically, Kyungsoo was in Jongin’s room after all.

 

Kyungsoo felt the bed dip and the mattress shift under the weight when Jongin decided to join Kyungsoo on the bed. Jongin also snuggled himself behind Kyungsoo under the blankets.

“Kyungsoo, are you asleep?” Jongin hummed, burying his face in Kyungsoo’s hair.

Kyungsoo did not answer, faking his sleep.

“Please don’t be mad at me, Kyungsoo. I love you” Jongin muttered under his breath, keeping his voice low, thinking that Kyungsoo was fast asleep.

Jongin spooned Kyungsoo from behind, wrapping an arm around Kyungsoo’s waist, whispering, “I won’t let anyone touch you. I promise. You’re mine.”

Kyungsoo’s eyes shot open, wide in horror, but his body was frozen in place. Jongin’s eyes were shut and he did not see Kyungsoo’s alarmed and terrified, trying to even understand the emotions he never had.

This was not what Kyungsoo had expected. Kyungsoo hoped it was not too late for him to admit that he was wrong about Jongin all along.

Jongin was a monster too and Kyungsoo felt like it may have been his fault.

 

 

 

It was half-past twelve in the morning. Jongin would be here anytime soon within the next half an hour. Kyungsoo was on his shift, as usual, running through the ledger and double checking the entries.

A man in a ski mask comes in that night, fidgeting and looking nervous, as he walks up to the front desk.

“Hello” Kyungsoo half-heartedly greets, looking up from the ledger to find a gun pointing at him.

“Give me all the money”, the robber demands, threatening Kyungsoo, sliding a bag over the desk.

“Hmm” Kyungsoo ponders, calmly and not even feeling slightly intimidated.

“Do it now!”, the robber aims the gun at Kyungsoo’s head.

“Give me a second” Kyungsoo bends underneath the desk, pretending to retrieve the money from the drawer.

 

Kyungsoo instead reaches for the paper knife and stabs the robber in the hand, taking the gun away. Kyungsoo throws the gun to the floor at his feet and pulls on the robber’s bloodied hand.

The robber tries to pull his hand back but Kyungsoo removes the paper knife, sending a blood spray to his face before pulling the same hand and stabbing the robber in the eye. Kyungsoo only then releases his hold on the robber, who tries to stumble to the front door.

Kyungsoo jumps over the front desk, catching up to the struggling and injured robber with the paper knife in his hand. A trail of blood is left, running from the front desk heading towards the entrance.

Kyungsoo easily subdues the robber and forces his jaw open to drive the paper knife through his mouth, stabbing inwards and killing the robber.

 

Jongin enters at the same time Kyungsoo is pulling his paper knife out from the dead robber’s mouth. Jongin stands still, the plastic bag of food in his hand as he tried to take in the sight in front of him.

“Good evening, sunshine.” Kyungsoo greets, wiping the blood off of his face with his sleeve.

 

 


	13. I Retained You

 

“What did I tell you about killing people!?” Jongin snapped, slamming his fist into the wall beside him.

“Well, unlike you, I clean up after myself” Kyungsoo retorted, giving Jongin a side glance.

“It’s different. What I do is different!” Jongin claimed.

“There you go again, saying that. Killing is killing and there’s nothing different about whether I do it, whether you do it or for whatever reason, it may be.” Kyungsoo firmly corrected, raising his voice, pointing the paper knife at Jongin.

“-says the man who made a living out of killing people!” Jongin loudly yelled, his voice echoing off the walls of the deserted hotel lobby as he grabbed the paper knife away from Kyungsoo.

 

Kyungsoo ignored Jongin’s tantrum and outburst of anger, turning his head away and refusing to even look at Jongin who continued screaming and yelling about how he was right and Kyungsoo was in the wrong. Kyungsoo was the least bit guilty or even close to feeling bad about what he had done.

Jongin’s hypocrisy did tick him off but Kyungsoo knew that engaging in a shouting match with Jongin wasn’t going to solve anything. Arguing with Jongin wasn’t going to clean up the dead body and the mess the blood left.

Kyungsoo walked away from Jongin, heading to the front door entrance of the hotel and locking the doors before walking back to the front desk. Kyungsoo also turned on the switch to the “No vacancy” signboard outside so people wouldn’t come up to the hotel.

“What are you doing?” Jongin asked, timidly, temper dissipating and anxiety arising by just watching Kyungsoo ignore him.

“Cleaning up after myself, obviously, unlike someone else, I know” Kyungsoo sassed.

Jongin jogged up to the front desk, dropped the paper knife and plastic bag of food onto the desk and tugged on Kyungsoo’s arm, while he was busy looking for something in the drawer.

 

“I’ll call somebody to clean this. Don’t worry about it” Jongin firmly grabbed Kyungsoo’s forearm.

“I can do it myself” Kyungsoo glared, tilting his head slightly up to meet Jongin’s gaze.

“No. We’re not back in Korea anymore. You follow my rules here, Kyungsoo.” Jongin insisted, his voice soft and low but threatening.

“I’ll follow your rules if I chose to come here voluntarily in the first place, but I didn’t. So why should I listen to you?” Kyungsoo exclaimed.

“I don’t want you to do all these things anymore, Kyungsoo. Please leave that world behind, I beg you.”  Jongin pleaded.

“I have no idea what even goes in that head of yours. I’m not sure if you’re just young and naïve or you’re really messed up in there. Did you actually think you can force people to change?” Kyungsoo grunted, looking away from Jongin.

“I can change you” Jongin asserted.

“Maybe start with changing yourself first. If a person wanted to change, they’d do it themselves. You’re a walking talking hypocrite if you noticed that” Kyungsoo flatly responded.

“Please don’t be mad at me, Kyungsoo. I love you, alright?” Jongin softened up a little, begging Kyungsoo.

“Whatever. Just call your father’s men or something to clean that up. I need to make sure the customers don’t come down and see that until then.” Kyungsoo shook his arm away from Jongin’s grasp and headed to the staff pantry to look for Erika, the hotel maid, to help him with diverting the guests.

 

 

Kyungsoo remained at the front desk the entire time, watching the cleanup as it took place and Kyungsoo was actually impressed and pleased that at least someone was doing it right. Kyungsoo even helped hold the door open while the body was carried away through the back entrance.

Jongin claimed responsibility for the killing so Kyungsoo wouldn’t have to bear the possible consequences of it. The yakuza took killing other people seriously if it wasn’t premeditated; as it could instill unwanted turf wars, loss of business opportunities or even bring up police investigations.

 

In the yakuza, lower ranked members were often made to bear the responsibility for their superior’s crimes and even serve jail time for them. It was considered as a proof of loyalty and dedication to the clan. Kyungsoo just didn’t quite understand those things or even the concept of those values.

Although Kyungsoo was not officially a member of the Yamaguchi-gumi, he was affiliated with them by being employed at a business owned by the clan. Under any circumstances, they could actually extort and threaten Kyungsoo to bear the crime he had committed, hence Jongin lying and claiming responsibility for it.

Jongin only hoped his position within the yakuza was enough to save himself and more importantly, Kyungsoo.

 

The 90 minutes Jongin had hoped to spend with Kyungsoo was all used up to dispose the body and clean up the place. Jongin was disappointed and Kyungsoo couldn’t care less.

 

 

“I’ll be away for a few days. The important meeting my father talked about is tomorrow and it’s going to last a few days too out of town. I won’t be dropping by at the apartment until then too. If you or my mom needs anything, just text me, alright?” Jongin told an inattentive Kyungsoo.

“Sure” Kyungsoo only look up momentarily from behind the front desk to face Jongin.

“Try not to kill anyone until then, please?” Jongin requested of Kyungsoo.

“I’ll try” Kyungsoo stared off into space, one hand resting on the desk.

“Okay. I’ll talk to you later when I get back.” Jongin ran his fingers, ghosting the skin on the back of Kyungsoo’s hand that was resting on the desk.

Jongin picked up the paper knife on the desk, which Kyungsoo had used to kill the robber from earlier on. Jongin brought it away with him and left, his chauffeur already waiting outside.

Before that, Jongin also made sure to personally retrieve the CCTV recordings from the security room and destroy it. Jongin would go to the ends of the world for Kyungsoo’s sake, and Kyungsoo would still ask why Jongin bothered.

 

 

 

Jongin woke up again, startled. It was still winter outside and cold in his room too, but still, he woke up in cold sweat with his heart pounding. Jongin slept hidden under his thick blankets like a cocoon which reeked of sweat and perspiration stains, even refusing to have it washed.

Every morning since his return to his home country, Jongin always woke up startled in the most uncomfortable of positions, even if there wasn’t anyone or anything to surprise him from his slumber. Sometimes he’d wake up tugging his hair and at other times woke up hugging himself in the fetal position.

His room was well lit with artificial lighting and daylight that seeped in through the sliding paper doors. Even during the day, Jongin kept the lights on.

Despite living in his father’s lavish traditional manor; with maids to help him around and security guards littered around the compound to keep him safe, Jongin never felt safe and never made the maids do anything for him.

 

 

Jongin slept during the day now because he was too scared of falling asleep in the dark, afraid of what was in the dark but not the dark itself. Sleeping during the day seemed to keep the nightmares at bay too.

In Jongin’s dreams, he always trapped without escape and no matter how hard he tried to run, he always ended up at the same place over and over.

But lately, Jongin’s dreams had shifted on from being trapped to being alone and left behind by Kyungsoo. In his dreams, he would beg and grovel at Kyungsoo to stay and not leave him, but the Kyungsoo in his dreams never had an answer or even bothered to talk.

 

 

It was almost sunset by the time Jongin woke up. He only had about six hours of sleep and not even an hour to get dressed and ready to drive out of town with his father for the meeting of all the leaders of the crime organizations in the region.

Deciding to finally get out of the futon he slept on, Jongin reached for his phone, left charging near the wall socket and pulled it out the charging port, deciding to call Kyungsoo whom he knew would be awake by then too.

Kyungsoo did not have a cell phone, so his option was to call home and hoped Kyungsoo had not left for work.

 

“Hello?” Jongin spoke over the phone when the call was picked up on the other side.

“Oh, it’s you. Your mother went out to the grocers. She’s not home right now” Kyungsoo muttered.

“It’s alright. I was looking for you actually” Jongin revealed, pressing his back and head against the wall.

“Yeah, what do you want? I haven’t killed anyone.” Kyungsoo sounded almost irritated.

“I just wanted to call you before I leave for the meeting today. I won’t be able to talk to you or see you for a few days after this.” Jongin shifted his weight, resting it on one leg while he leaned against the wall.

“I know. You told me that already.” Kyungsoo murmured, looking at the educational show on the TV at the same time. Kyungsoo quite liked the children educational shows because it helped him master the language easier.

“Try to do good things, okay? No more of that- what you used to do in Korea.” Jongin tried to instruct Kyungsoo.

“Whatever, Jongin,” Kyungsoo responded, uninterestedly.

“Call me Kai next time, okay? I love you”

“We’ll see. Have a good trip, sunshine” Kyungsoo replied, putting the phone back down on the receiver before slumping down on the couch to watch TV while waiting for Jongin’s mother to come home, so they could have dinner before he left for work.

 

 

Jongin sighed, staring at the dimming screen of his phone until it blacked out. He would really rather not have to go attend that meeting that evening, but he had no choice now. He had to maintain his position within the clan and exert his presence for Kyungsoo’s sake.

Jongin believed that it was the only way he could ever keep Kyungsoo safe, now that Kyungsoo had nowhere else to go to.

 

Jongin managed to be named the heir to the clan only because his elder half-brothers ended up killing each other and their mother-his father’s wife had committed suicide from the stress of having her sons kill each other.

Because Jongin was born illegitimately through a mistress, Jongin had to live apart from his father and he was treated as “less” than his older half-brothers, whom he rarely met and knew anyway.

Right after finishing high school, Jongin had men coming in suits and expensive cars to the cramped apartment he lived with his mother in, demanding that Jongin leave the country and threaten him with killing his mother should he ever try to claim his rightful position within the clan.

Jongin’s father, the feared and respected, Junichi Yamaguchi, sort of saw it as a game between his sons to see who would survive at the end of the turmoil and be worthy to inherit the crime empire.

A turmoil which Jongin emerged the victor from, only because he knew how to run and hide and wait till everyone else eliminated each other. Jongin knew he was unfit for the position and had only gotten lucky, so he had to do more to prove himself worthy of it.

 

 

Sitting in the back of the expensive black luxury sedan, together with the man he called his father but barely had gotten to know, Jongin was digging and scraping his nails in the silence.

“You haven’t talked at all since we left.” Jongin’s father, Junichi, noted.

Jongin was dressed in his best three-piece suit and pretended to clear his throat, adjusting his tie, “I’m sorry. My mind has been wandering.”

“I see” Junichi nodded, running his tongue along the front of his teeth, with one arm propped up on the armrest by the door.

 

Jongin’s father, Junichi, was a man in his late fifties, sporting a crew cut and of average height and nowhere close to Jongin’s tall height. Despite being dressed formally, everything of Junichi’s appearance screamed “dangerous gang leader.”

Despite his age, he looked closer to that of a man in his forties and Jongin could guess why his kind-hearted mother had been willing to have an extramarital affair with a scary man like him. Jongin had soft features and his appearance was the least bit intimidating.

Even, appearance-wise, Jongin was unfit for the job. His convenience store job fitted him more.

 

“I was told that you killed another man, again. What was that about, Kai?” Junichi noted, looking out the window.

“They had no relations or ties whatsoever to our clan or any other clan” Jongin quickly answered, looking away.

“That’s not what I’m concerned about. You know to be careful, don’t you? The police will find anything they can to put us in jail for” Junichi calmly stated, but still, it came off as unnerving to Jongin.

“Yes, father. I understand” Jongin affirmed with his head bowed down as his hands meet each other and began picking at his nails.

 

There was a considerably long amount of silence as they began to approach their destination. Jongin never felt anything familial between himself and his father. Their relationship felt more business-like and to benefit the other if any.

Jongin had his lowered, his hair falling over his eyes, while he picked at his fingernails; while his father was looking the other way, out of the window as the car rolled by.

Jongin just wanted this to be over with so he could go back to Kyungsoo. He knew that Kyungsoo had not been entirely fair or nice to him, but still he found himself pining and going back to Kyungsoo.

And Jongin started feeling like he hadn’t done enough for Kyungsoo.

 

The car pulled up in front of a large tea house establishment, which had been fully booked for the night. Several other cars behind them too pulled up and a few men rushed out of the car to hold the car doors open for Jongin and his father.

Jongin had swung one foot outside the car when his father called out to him, stopping him in his tracks.

“Oh yeah, what about that Korean boy you brought home with you?” Junichi asked, calm and cool, but still exerting his intimidating aura.

Jongin was still and suddenly felt that even the air around him had become heavy. Jongin croaked, “What about him?”

“He works at that hotel in Shinjuku, right? He’s the receptionist isn’t he?” Junichi questioned in a clear and firm voice.

“Yes. He’s just a receptionist” Jongin was scared to answer.

“He’s not anyone dangerous, isn’t he? I mean, you wouldn’t bring back a hotel receptionist all the way from Korea just to work here, right?” Junichi chuckled, leaving the car before Jongin could answer the question.

 “Yeah…” Jongin answered himself.

 

Lying to other people was hard but lying to yourself was even harder, Jongin found out. He could lie to himself about Kyungsoo but it didn’t erase the fact that Kyungsoo was who he was, a killer.

Jongin wasn’t confident that he would be able to hide this lie long enough, even if he managed to live a lie for two years while he was away.

The truth always prevailed and when it did, it would hit hard. Jongin would have to bear the responsibility himself.

 

 

 

Kyungsoo was sitting, lying back on his chair with his feet propped up on the reception desk while he flipped through the pages of his Japanese language book and tried to learn, twirling a pencil in one hand.

It was Kyungsoo’s usual ninety minutes break time which lasted from 1 am to 2.30am. Jongin wasn’t around like he said he wouldn’t be, so Kyungsoo was taking the opportunity to learn.

“Hey”

Kyungsoo looked up and saw Erika, the hotel maid, and his fellow colleague. She had called out to him and placed down a brown leather case near Kyungsoo’s feet on the desk.

“What is it?” Kyungsoo muttered.

“I need you to run an errand for me,” Erika informed.

“Why me?”

“Well, our customer who just left, forgotten this bag in the room and I want you to send it back to him. I’ll give you the address and his name so you know where to find him.” Erika clarified, taking a piece of paper and pen from the desk to write on.

“He can just come to get it himself later on. Since when did we run a delivery service?” Kyungsoo whined.

“Of course we don’t but that man was the boss’ secretary. We don’t want to mess with them. Last time he didn’t like how the lighting was in the room he picked out, the prostitute with him came running down the hallway crying and naked with cuts on her body.” Erika stressed, pushing the bag towards Kyungsoo.

“Then he can come down to get the bag himself if he’s so scary and intimidating” Kyungsoo rolled his eyes.

“Kyungsoo, I need this job to pay for college. Please help me. I’m too scared to see him and you seemed brave since you weren’t scared of all that dead bodies here lately” Erika pleaded, pressing her palms together.

Kyungsoo sighed, slamming the book shut, “Fine. Watch the desk while I’m gone.”

 

 

Kyungsoo gave in, not because he wanted to help, but because he knew Erika wouldn’t stop pleading and annoying him if he never agreed to it, and he knew he wouldn’t be able to tolerate it well.

Swinging the strap of the leather bag over his shoulder, Kyungsoo clutched the bag closer to his person as he walked down the partially empty streets, walking on the zebra crossing and waiting for the green pedestrian light even if there weren’t any vehicles on the road at that time.

 

It was middle of the night. The karaoke bars, drinking establishments, and hotels were open but the rest of the shops were shuttered up and close for the day. There weren’t many cars passing by and Kyungsoo only occasionally stumbled across the drunken people or late night party goers stumbling down the streets.

The address and name Erika had written down led him to a “Ryuunosuke Fujiwara” in an expensive bar which admitted people following a dress code.

Dressed in slacks, a white polo shirt, and a cheap jacket, Kyungsoo was underdressed for the place and was refused repeatedly by the bouncer at the entrance, even when he showed the bag and stated his reason for being there.

Kyungsoo considered knocking the bouncer out and sneaking his way in until another employee of the bar came out to the entrance to tell Kyungsoo that he could go in.

Kyungsoo followed the bar employee down the carpeted hallway, decorated intricately with texture wallpapers plastered on the wall. There were doors to private rooms down the hallway with numbers and letter printed on a plaque hanging on the door.

 

“In here, please” The bar employee held the door open for Kyungsoo when they arrived at the entrance of one of the private rooms.

Kyungsoo nodded, entering the dimly lit room which reeked of alcohol and cigarettes. The room consisted of a glass table and a red couch. There wasn't much furniture in there.

The door was shut behind Kyungsoo and he came face to face with a tall burly man in a suit rolled up to his sleeves, exposing tattoos. Kyungsoo remembered him now. He was the same man who had come to the hotel earlier and had been there a few times too.

The woman who had come and left with him to the hotel was there too, crouched up on the floor in her now disheveled looking red dress, visibly shaking and sobbing.

 

“You are Mr. Ryuunosuke Fujiwara?” Kyungsoo asked, holding up the paper Erika had given him to read it again. Love hotels like the one Kyungsoo worked in never asked for customer’s name and he had no idea what it was.

“Yes. I was told you have my bag that I left at the hotel.” Ryuunosuke held out a hand but was turned away from Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo took off the bag from his shoulder and placed the strap in its owner’s hands. Kyungsoo, for a second, glanced shortly at the shaking woman who was obviously trying to muffle her cries.

“Thank you” Ryuunosuke muttered, removing the cigarette from his mouth and throwing it into the ashtray on the table.

“Well then, I’ll go now.” Kyungsoo excused himself.

“Wait! Let me give you something for your trouble.” Ryuunosuke called out for Kyungsoo, fishing through the bag which turned out to be full of money, handing Kyungsoo several notes.

“Thanks” Kyungsoo only managed to say, taking the money because it seemed like the normal thing to do in the situation.

 

Before Kyungsoo even left the room, Ryuunosuke was back to beating up the woman crouching on the floor near the wall.

Kyungsoo heard Ryuunosuke shouting at the woman, saw him pulling her hair and throwing punches and kicks into her frail body. She was apparently being punished and battered now for forgetting the bag at the hotel-which Kyungsoo had delivered.

Ryuunosuke’s mouth yelled and profanities, degrading the woman while his hands and feet continued to hurt her. The woman in the short red dress screamed in pain and repeated the words “I’m sorry” over and over again in a Japanese dialect that Kyungsoo understood but forgotten which region the dialect originated from.

 

“Umm…wait” Kyungsoo walked back away from the door, tapping Ryuunosuke on the back.

“What is it now!?” Ryuunosuke spat, turning around, irritated at being interrupted.

“Can I ask her a question?” Kyungsoo asked, in his usual blank face.

“I’m busy with her now!”

“Well, I have to go soon so I’ll be real quick” Kyungsoo added, glancing at the woman cowering on the floor.

 

At the same time, Kyungsoo’s eyes met the woman’s under the dim lighting; she mouthed the words “Help me”. Also, at the same time, Jongin’s reminder began to resonate in his head in his memory. Jongin’s request of him to “do good things” echoed in his head like an annoying alarm clock you couldn’t find early in the morning to switch off.

“I’m going to regret this.” Kyungsoo sighed, looking up at the ceiling.

A confused Ryuunosuke who was puzzled by Kyungsoo’s weird behavior even looked up at the ceiling to see what it was.

Kyungsoo quickly lunged for the heavy ceramic ashtray and swung it in Ryuunosuke’s face, hitting him in the eyes and nose, sending cigarette ash down his face.

Kyungsoo was quick and in the time it took for Ryuunosuke to flinch and adjust from disorientation, Kyungsoo was swinging the ashtray over his head, again and again, not giving the other man the chance to recover.

 

Even as blood started to flow when skin broke, Kyungsoo kept assaulting the taller man with the ashtray, pinning him down to the floor until he stilled.

What was left was a lifeless man with a horribly disfigured face, red with blood and ugly bruises bulging out. The teeth had been shattered, nose out of place and forehead even exposing flesh from being torn by the bludgeoning.

Kyungsoo dropped the ashtray and rushed to the woman who was sitting, eyes wide open in shock at what she had seen.

 

“What is your name?” Kyungsoo crouched on the floor near the woman.

“M-Miyuki”, The woman stammered, unsure of whether to be scared or thankful to Kyungsoo.

“Okay, Miyuki. What dialect did you speak in just now?”

“It’s a K-Kansai dialect. That’s where I’m from” Miyuki struggled to answer.

“Alright. Thank you. We have to go now.” Kyungsoo tugged on Miyuki’s arm, taking the bag of money with him as they ran out the door.

 

There wasn't anyone around in the hallway when they left the room and the bouncer ignored them, not knowing anything was wrong, as they ran out of the entrance and down the street.

Miyuki was shoeless and Kyungsoo had to pull her hand to stop her from being left behind.

Kyungsoo only stopped when they reached a taxi stand with a cab already waiting there.

Kyungsoo handed Miyuki the bag of money, pushing her into the cab, “Go back home to the Kansai region where you came from, okay? There’s a rival clan to the Yamaguchi-gumi in that area so they aren’t allowed to have people there to come for you. Don’t come back here.”

Miyuki pulled on Kyungsoo’s arm, “Why are you helping me? Aren’t you just a hotel receptionist? They’ll come after you too”

“Yeah, I am” Kyungsoo half-smiled, closing the taxi door shut before it rumbled away down the streets and soon out of sight.

 

Kyungsoo threw away his bloodied jacket into a trash can by the roadside, walking back to the hotel in the cold and returning to his shift.

Killing people never bothered Kyungsoo and he never even spared a second thought for all the people he had killed, innocent or not. Kyungsoo slept well every day despite knowing what he had done was wrong.

It was just another normal day on the job, even if the definition of "job" had changed quite much since then.

 

 

Later in the morning after his shift had ended, Kyungsoo was walking back to the apartment on the same street behind some houses which he passed through every day on his commute.

Kyungsoo had a knapsack on his back, strapped to his shoulders as he trudged down the streets, thinking of asking Jongin’s mother to make soup for his breakfast.

Kyungsoo’s food plans and thoughts were halted when he heard a car revving up behind him and approaching. Kyungsoo jumped off the street and attempted to make a run in the opposite direction, only to be blocked by a van speeding up, coming the other way and stopping in front of him.

 

Cornered, Kyungsoo quickly tried to think of an escape, maintaining his cool and collectedness despite knowing his chances were very low. That was until men emerged from the van and the car, holding up guns and pointing it at Kyungsoo.

“I don’t owe you money. I never take loans” Kyungsoo sassed.

Kyungsoo did not resist and was laughing all the while, even when he was grabbed roughly, had a bag placed over his head and thrown into the back of the van roughly as he was held down uncomfortably.

Kyungsoo only hoped Jongin was happy that he did something "good".

 

 


	14. I Involved You

 

It was still cold outside but Jongin was sweating nonetheless, pacing down the wooden floorboards on socked feet as he continuously tried to call everyone he knew regarding Kyungsoo’s whereabouts.

Jongin was staying at a traditional inn out of town for the next few days, and he made sure that he would call Kyungsoo at least twice a day while he was away, once in the morning before Kyungsoo went to bed and one more in the evening before Kyungsoo left for work.

It was nearing noon and Kyungsoo should be home and in bed or be getting ready to go to bed by then. Jongin called his mother at home and she informed him that Kyungsoo never returned home that day. Jongin then called the hotel and the receptionist on the morning duty recalled having taken over the shift from Kyungsoo and seeing him leave, but not knowing where he went after.

All the staff at the hotel repeated about the same thing and nobody really knew where Kyungsoo was.

 

 

Jongin rushed down the hallway in the inn, looking for the room where his assistant was staying in.

Jongin’s dress shirt under his suit was drenched with sweat, his hair in a mess from him tugged on it, his coat not even buttoned properly and his tie messy around his neck.

Without even knocking and the door being unlocked, Jongin made his way into his assistant’s room and immediately demanded a car to send him back to Shinjuku, which was almost a two hour’s drive from where they were.

Jongin, of course, could not tell anyone what his real reason for wanting to go back was.

 

 

Jongin’s assistant, an elderly man who had joined the yakuza at a young age out of financial problems to feed his family, was a soft-hearted man despite being involved in the crime syndicate and was basically just riding out the remaining years left by being appointed Jongin’s assistant. Although he was sympathetic to Jongin, he still wasn’t allowed to act as per Jongin’s request.

“I’m sorry, I cannot do that. No one is allowed to leave unless they have a family emergency. It is your father’s orders and I cannot defy him” Jongin’s assistant politely declined.

Jongin sighed, “Shimura, please, I will be back before he even realizes I’ve been missing.”

“I’m sorry; I cannot be of help to you. I may keep quiet but you won’t be able to leave this place without being seen or spotted by someone else. My apologies” Shimura, Jongin’s assistant, once again apologized and bowed his head.

Habitual to when he was anxious or stressed, Jongin lowered his head and tugged on his hair, scrambling through his head and thoughts trying to think of a way or solution to fix this problem.

Jongin didn’t really know what was going on or why Kyungsoo was missing, but he knew that he had to find Kyungsoo and that he had to leave where he was now in order for that to be possible. Jongin thought hard but he was too worried for his mind to function and think rationally.

He only thought of the worse and the “what ifs” instead of coming up with a solution to actually fix it.

“You know, you will probably be seen when you leave and probably be reprimanded for that, but you can call a taxi and have them pick you up. It’s a long drive but I think if you pay the driver enough, they will be willing to take you wherever it is you need to be so urgent.” Shimura suggested, in a low voice that was almost a whisper.

Jongin’s face lit up and he wondered why he never even thought of something so simple and basic like this.

“Thank you” Jongin quickly mentioned, turning on his heels with his phone in his hand as he looked up for the city’s taxi service number.

 

 

Jongin ran back down the inn’s hallway on his socked feet, back into the room he was staying in, sliding the door shut and setting the lock in place.

Jongin paced up and down on the wooden floorboards, waiting for the call to pick up. The beeping dialing tone he heard on the phone was excruciating to him at that moment as every second passed on.

Jongin was interrupted and startled by the banging sounds on his door and the voice shouting at him to get out. Jongin recognized some of the voices as that of his father’s men and from the way they were banging on the door, it seemed like they were pretty set on trying to break the door down.

“What is going on? I don’t have time for this now” Jongin hissed, ending the call that had not been picked up and hastily walking up to the door.

 

Jongin unlocked the door, quickly, before it was going to end up broken down. There was a reason a lot of places did not want yakuza gang members coming to their premises and turned away their business; because they were known for their rowdiness and making the normal guests uncomfortable or intimidated with their presence.

“What is it now!?” Jongin snapped, sliding the door open, coming face to face with a few of his father’s best men and bodyguards.

Jongin caught his tongue and froze when he saw his father standing between his men. Jongin had not immediately realized that his father was there too, because he was overshadowed by the tall heights and large body sizes of his father’s bodyguards.

“F-father” Jongin stuttered, “What is the problem here?”

“The problem here is you” Jongin’s father, Junichi, pointed a finger towards him.

Jongin was puzzled and looked around and left to right, hoping for an answer to pop out of thin air.

“Grab him” Junichi ordered to his men.

 

 

Jongin was dragged out of his room and down the hallway and out of the inn. Jongin was dragged outside on the asphalt road, only wearing his socks and shoeless, until they reached a car parked not far from outside the inn.

The inn staff and the other guests who saw Jongin being dragged out could only watch, knowing they could not help him even if they wanted, and that it was better if they just pretended they never saw it happen.

Ironically, Jongin was planning to leave but certainly not like this.

“Where are you taking me?” A bewildered and scared Jongin asked his father as he was being pushed, head first, into the back of the car.

“To teach you a lesson” Junichi growled.

 

Jongin was forced to sit in the backseat, flanked on either side by his father’s and the clan’s best bodyguards. Jongin eyed the door handle and the lock a few times, thinking of ways to escape even while the car was moving.

Jongin didn’t really understand what was happening but his own words resonated in his head. He had been the one to tell Kyungsoo that they weren’t in Korea anymore. He could easily run away and hide there back in Korea, but not here in his father’s own turf and territory.

Not even the police could help him here.

 

 

The car trip felt like several hours to Jongin, despite it being only less than an hour before they pulled up in front of a tattoo parlor, with the storefront facing the road in a building consisting of shop lots.

It was broad daylight and all the shops were open for business for the day. Jongin was dragged out of the car into the tattoo parlor. His socked feet scraped harshly against the ground from being dragged and forced.

Jongin had not bent to check but he was pretty sure his socks were torn now and his feet, blistered and probably cut, to assume the least.

 

Led by his father, the bodyguards pulled and dragged Jongin into the goldsmith’s, where the middle-aged man behind the counter, opened a door for them which led to stairs going downwards into the basement.

The basement was as large as the shop itself and well-lit. The floors were plain cement and the walls a dull unpainted grey.

In the middle of the basement were a simple wooden table and a chair for one beside it. An empty pitcher was on the table but what caught Jongin’s attention were the chains and shackles to secure a person.

The other ends of the chains were secured, bolted and fixed to the wall while the other end laid on the floor for their next occupant.

His attention was grabbed by that but even more, by Kyungsoo sitting on the floor near the shackles with his back to the wall and his feet stretched out in front of him. Kyungsoo yawned, cupping a hand over his mouth.

Jongin was pushed, almost falling face flat onto the floor beside Kyungsoo’s legs.

“Kyungsoo!” Jongin exclaimed, getting up on his hands and knee to crawl towards Kyungsoo, “What are you doing here!? Are you alright?”

“I’m okay. This is supposed to be my bedtime but here I am.” Kyungsoo yawned even more, not even the slightest bit fazed or scared.

Jongin was pulled back, slammed into the wall and had the chains and shackles forcefully placed on his arms and legs.

“Father! What is the meaning of this?” A horrified looking Jongin asked his father, unable to move very far or reach out to his father from the restraints.

Kyungsoo observed them and slightly felt bad for Jongin, especially because of how sad and distraught Jongin looked like. It looked like Jongin was trying too hard but still failing at it.

 

“You are a disappointment to me.” Junichi spat, slapping Jongin harshly.

“What did I do?” Jongin choked, flinching back and beginning to shake.

“You lied to me! I even asked you for the truth. I gave you a chance but lied straight out of your mouth to me!” Junichi shoved Jongin back at the shoulders.

Jongin tripped from the restraints and almost toppled over backward. Jongin’s head snapped to turn to look at Kyungsoo who shrugged.

Jongin only stuttered, inaudible sounds coming out from his mouth, unable to properly form a comprehensible sentence to defend himself. Jongin knew he was in the wrong and that he couldn’t lie his way out of it now.

 

“You are useless and stupid! When I look at you, you just seem pathetic” Junichi yelled in Jongin’s face, pulling his youngest son by the hair and grabbing on tight by the roots where it hurt.

Jongin whimpered slightly but remained silent otherwise. Anything he said would be deemed as talking back, no matter what it was. His father was too powerful for him or anyone else there to do anything.

“At your age, I was already a trusted official to the previous leader. I was born with nothing but I made my way up here until I am the leader today out of my own hard work. You only got here because you won the birth lottery by being born my son and just got lucky. I should have never named you my heir.” Junichi remarked, holding on tight to Jongin’s hair.

 

Jongin had to uncomfortably hunch over from having his hair pulled by someone shorter than him. He was obviously in pain but not able to do anything about it. His face was red, scrunched up and his breathing was heavy and uneven.

“Did you think I am stupid? If you’re going to lie, at least be good at it. I know that Korean man you brought back with you wasn’t just a regular person. Did you know what he did?” Junichi yanked Jongin by the hair, turning Jongin’s face to face his own.

Jongin only shook his head, tears forming in the corner of his eyes. He could not cry because his father said it was weak to cry. Jongin didn’t believe that but he had to force himself not to cry now.

“That Korean you brought here killed a man! Not just any man but my trusted secretary and treasurer at that. Did you know that he has survived two assassinations attempt and he died due to an illegal immigrant with a fucking ashtray? A fucking ashtray!” Junichi stated, angrily.

 

Kyungsoo only nodded along to what was being said; not quite understanding Jongin’s father because of the slang Junichi spoke in. Kyungsoo had not covered street slang lessons just yet. Kyungsoo honestly didn’t know what part he played in all of this.

Junichi continued, “-and you expect me to believe he’s just a hotel receptionist!? I know who he is, Kai. I had his background looked into the moment I found out you brought him here. He’s a fucking assassin with a hundred million yen bounty on his head! South Korea’s largest gang wants him dead and you just bring such a person here and expect me to believe what you said?”

“I’m sorry, father. Please give me another chance.” Jongin pleaded, begging to his father.

“Why would I do that? You’re a disgrace to me and you lied to me about something this big. Why did you bring him back to Japan?” Junichi questioned, twisting his fist yanking Jongin’s hair to make it hurt more.

“I had to do that to save him. I couldn’t let him die. I wanted to protect him.” Jongin honestly confessed to the pressure.

“He can kill a man with an ashtray. What makes you think that he needs help from someone like you?”

Jongin paused, almost crying when he took in a deep breath before he managed to form the words from his mouth, “-because…I love him.”

 

Kyungsoo understood Jongin and he certainly knew what Jongin had spoken out loud in front of his father. It wasn’t the first time Kyungsoo heard Jongin declaring his love, but it was the first time Kyungsoo had heard Jongin openly declare it in front of everyone.

Kyungsoo wasn’t really interested in the whole deal but that certainly did grab his attention for sure.

The entire basement fell silent. Even Junichi’s men, who were already silent from the beginning, couldn’t even get more silent than they already were.

 

“You don’t know what love is. You don’t really know what you’re doing at all aren’t you?” Junichi released his grasp on Jongin’s hair.

Jongin was pushed back to the wall where he slumped down to the floor when his knees were too weak to support his weight any longer. Jongin ended up on the floor not far from Kyungsoo who was looking back at him.

“I’m giving you one more chance because you are an idiot with no sense. But, I expect more loyalty from you towards the clan. It’s time to get you marked so maybe it can knock some sense into that thick head of yours that you’re in this for life.” Junichi warned.

“-and you!” Junichi pointed a finger to Kyungsoo, “I’m going to have a talk with you later.”

“Okay sure” Kyungsoo nodded, only picking up on that sentence.

Junichi stormed off, walking up the stairs leading out of the basement followed by several of his men.

 

Jongin crawled, ignoring the restraints and laid his head on Kyungsoo’s lap, heaving and holding himself back from crying lest he is called weak.

“When can we go home? I want to sleep” Kyungsoo yawned, mouth wide open.

“After this. We’ll go home after this so don’t kill anyone anymore, okay?” Jongin’s voice croaked, surprisingly feeling calm again from just being close to Kyungsoo.

“You know, I didn’t really understand what your father was talking about but he was talking about me, right?” Kyungsoo rested a hand on Jongin’s shoulder.

“Yeah. It’s nothing though. I got it.” Jongin brushed it off.

Jongin didn’t really know when they would actually be able to go home and whether he really “got it”.

 

 

Shortly later, one man came down to the basement to fetch Kyungsoo.

“Where are you taking him?” Jongin asked, concerned, about to get up on his feet and protest.

“We’re just taking him to the car.”

“I’ll see you around, sunshine.” Kyungsoo half-smiled, letting himself be escorted away from the basement.

 

 

Kyungsoo was brought out to the car waiting outside where he sat in the backseat with the driver in the front and one other man watching him, sitting beside Kyungsoo.

“Where’s that big boss of yours?” Kyungsoo asked the man beside him.

“He left. He’s busy”

“Okay, so what are we waiting here for?” Kyungsoo nudged.

“We’re waiting for the boss’ son. We’ll send you two home then.”

“I see” Kyungsoo nodded, “Can you talk to me for a little bit then? I want to practice my Japanese. You can talk about anything”

“No”

“Fine then”, Kyungsoo tapped the driver in the front seat on the shoulder, “Will you talk to me?”

Rejected again, Kyungsoo decided to go to sleep instead. Folding his arms across his chest, Kyungsoo leaned his head on the glass window and soon fell asleep soundly.

 

 

Kyungsoo felt like he had slept for quite a while and was awoken when he heard the rear door on the opposite side from his being opened and someone entering the car.

Kyungsoo lifted his head from the window and wiped the drool off his face with the back of his palm, looking to his side to see Jongin being assisted into the car by the man who sat beside him earlier on.

The door was shut and the driver began pulling out from the parking lot, driving out the area to send them back home as stated beforehand.

“Took you long enough” Kyungsoo commented.

Jongin was slumped forward, forehead pressing on the headrest of the seat in front of him. It appeared that he seemed to be shivering or shaking too. Jongin was hugging himself around the waist and didn’t answer Kyungsoo.

“Are you alright?” Kyungsoo patted a hand on Jongin’s back.

Jongin flinched, yelling in pain and sitting up straight and then immediately regretted his decision, curling up to his lap.

Kyungsoo quickly retracted his hand, looking puzzled, “What’s wrong?”

Jongin grunted, “Ugh, do you need to ask? My father made me get the clan’s back tattoo but it’s just the outline and tracing now. I have to get it filled in at a later date. It hurts like hell.”

“Not as painful as when I stabbed you, right?”

“I’m not sure which hurts more, to be honest. At least I blacked out after I got stabbed but I was awake this entire time” Jongin groaned.

“So, how does it look like?” Kyungsoo asked, lowering his head to meet Jongin’s

“Don’t ask” Jongin sighed.

“You see, this is why I don’t like working with the mafia, all these stupid rules, and customs.” Kyungsoo shook his head disapprovingly.

Jongin only chuckled at Kyungsoo’s statement, “We never had a choice did we?”

"Oh, I'm sure it'll be alright." Kyungsoo chuckled too, tapping Jongin's cheek.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: If you're wondering where the cliffhanger is, there is none for this chapter. Surprise.


	15. I Told You

 

“You must be at the office tomorrow, first thing in the morning, when we open at 9 am. Do you understand?” The man standing in front of Kyungsoo enunciated, talking slowly to him and handing Kyungsoo a business card.

“Okay, got it.” Kyungsoo struggled to take the card because he was helping to hold up a limp Jongin, whose feet have given way and were too weak to walk.

 

The man addressing Kyungsoo left in the car they had arrived in, leaving him with a semi-conscious Jongin by the curb in front of the apartment block where Jongin’s mother lived in.

Jongin was slipping in between being awake and passing out. He was exhausted physically and mentally, and the pain from having the tattoo was still searing and throbbing at his back. It stung even when the fabric of the shirt he wore rubbed against the place.

Kyungsoo was trying to help Jongin up the flight of stairs to their floor when he woke up yet again.

 

“Where are we?” Jongin pushed himself off Kyungsoo, slumping on the stairs and sitting down on the steps with his head between his hands. He was still disoriented and recovering from being in shock, still quite unsure of where he really was despite the familiar location.

“We’re back at your mother’s place. They wanted to drop you off at your father’s place but I thought they were going to kill you if they did, so I said here is fine. I’m surprised they actually listened to me.” Kyungsoo leaned an arm on the railings of the stairs, waiting to see if Jongin would get up himself.

Jongin groaned. His back was another story but even his head hurt and pounded like hell now. Out of all the times, he had to have a headache, now was the worst time.

“Here, let me help you.” Kyungsoo attempted to lift Jongin up by lifting him from under the arms.

Jongin slowly pushed Kyungsoo’s hand away, “No. I can do this.”

“Really?”

“Yes,” Jongin affirmed, struggling to get up with the help of the railings beside him and making the trip up the stairs up to another few floors.

Kyungsoo followed slowly behind, watching Jongin carefully in case he fell backward and fell into him, which would send the both of them rolling down the stairs. Physical injuries would really be a setback and mobility was a privilege, Kyungsoo believed.

 

 

“Do you have the keys?” Jongin groaned, leaning his head against the door when they had arrived at their unit.

“No. Your father’s men took my bag away and they didn’t return it. I had a lot a lot of my books in there too.” Kyungsoo responded.

Jongin tipped his head back, pulling it away from the door, closing his eyes and thinking, “My mom isn’t home around these times. She’s at work so there’s no one to open the door for us.”

“Let’s just pick the lock?” Kyungsoo suggested, twisting the doorknob and rattling it.

“I don’t know how to pick locks” Jongin stated, slightly feeling irritated and cranky because he just wanted to lie down and rest, being unable to do that.

“Of course you don’t because you had to resort to breaking down the door in my loft and I had to spend hours fixing that lock. I can pick locks though. That’s how I got into your shitty apartment in Seoul.” Kyungsoo squatted on the floor so he could peek through the keyhole and figure out how to pick that particular lock open.

“I thought you said you were a hitman, so why did you even learn to pick locks for?” Jongin sighed, sitting on the floor in front of the door. It was tiring for him to stay standing up. He was too tired and he just wanted the day to be over with already.

“You think people will open their doors for a stranger? I need a way to get to the people I kill and abducting them from their homes is the best.” Kyungsoo unpinned the hotel name tag from the shirt he was wearing, snapping the pin off to pick the lock.

“You are crazy” Jongin commented, hunching his back as he sat on the floor.

“It’s only crazy because you don’t understand how it works” Kyungsoo replied, focused on picking the lock open.

 

With a few more pushes and turns of the pin in the lock and pressing his ear close to the keyhole, Kyungsoo’s face lit up when he heard the audible “click”, signaling that the door had been successfully unlocked.

Jongin heard it too and lifted his head to look, feeling somewhat slightly more hopeful than earlier on. It had been a long day for Jongin and he just wanted to end it.

“It’s open” Kyungsoo happily announced, smiling wide and feeling proud of himself. It had been months-probably more than half a year since he last picked a lock and he wasn’t really confident that he would be able to do it again this time.

Kyungsoo just overall felt “rusty” and no longer in tune with the person he used to be. Ever since being brought here to Japan and being made to live a fake identity just like Jongin had made him do, Kyungsoo was even slowly forgetting why he was the person he used to be anyway.

 

 

Kyungsoo helped Jongin get up from the floor before heading into the empty two-bedroom cramped apartment and then into Kyungsoo’s room-technically Jongin’s room too.

Jongin undressed until he was just wearing his boxers, then throwing his clothes and torn socks onto the chair near the desk and climbed onto the bed, crawling underneath the blankets.

“Kyungsoo, turn on the heater” Jongin muttered, lying on his stomach with only his head above the blankets.

Kyungsoo did as he was told without question and turned on his heel to leave the room.

“Where are you going?” Jongin asked, mumbling softly and sounding very tired his eyelids heavy and closing on him. It was four in the afternoon and way past Jongin’s bedtime.

As a matter of fact, it was way past Kyungsoo’s bedtime too since he had to start his shift in less than four hours.

“I need to cook the rice and take the frozen food out from the fridge. Your mother will be home soon. She cooks the dinner so I make the rice” Kyungsoo informed, standing in the doorway.

“Okay, go ahead then. Don’t feed my mother human parts please” Jongin mumbled, closing his eyes and letting himself drift off to sleep.

Kyungsoo snickered to himself, recalling when he had fed Jongin a human heart. He was actually disappointed that Jongin wasn’t impressed by that.

 

 

After washing the rice and setting the timer and setting into the rice cooker, Kyungsoo dried off his hand with the kitchen towel and headed back to the room but stopped when his hand was just about to reach for the handle to the door.

Kyungsoo paused, thinking that he probably didn’t want to face Jongin now. Kyungsoo couldn’t deal with Jongin’s behavior lately and the way that Jongin was possessive and controlling over him.

To Kyungsoo, it seemed like Jongin got angry and scolded him for everything he did, even if he had been trying to follow what Jongin had told him. Kyungsoo didn’t know where or what he did wrong but he knew that Jongin probably wouldn’t agree with everything he did anyway.

 

Everything about his current life from the place he stayed at to what job he had was dictated by Jongin. Kyungsoo prided himself on being an independent man who had the freedom of choice but not anymore.

He never had a choice. Not even any to begin with. He only thought he did.

 

But, Kyungsoo was tired. Even if he was arguably the most proficient hitman in South Korea and had a few screws loose up in his head, he was human still.

Kyungsoo tiptoed quietly into the room, opening the door slowly so as to avoid it from creaking too loud and waking Jongin, who was fast asleep on his side on the bed.

At least Jongin was asleep so he could avoid an unwanted conversation with the said person. Kyungsoo sort of wished that he never kidnapped Jongin now but he admitted that he made a mistake with that and hindsight was 20/20.

Kyungsoo knew what regret felt like now. It felt like what he was feeling now.

 

 

While being as quiet as he could, Kyungsoo took out a spare blanket and pillow from the cupboard in the room. Kyungsoo set the pillow down on the floor beside the bed and fixed the blanket over himself.

Sure, the floor wasn’t as comfortable as the bed, but at least he was closer to the space heater so it was warmer there, which was nice considering the cold temperature outside.

Kyungsoo used to like it cold but lately, he found himself distancing away from it and wanting the warmth instead. Kyungsoo realized how his preferences had changed and how it was but just a small part of him slowly becoming a different person than he was once.

Kyungsoo fell asleep fast from the fatigue and the comfortable warmth of the heater and the blankets.

 

 

Kyungsoo woke up on time around 6 pm. The wall clock showed that it was a few minutes past 6 pm and that Kyungsoo had barely been asleep for two hours. It felt more like a nap than anything but regardless of how sleep deprived he was, Kyungsoo was going to start his day.

Kyungsoo quietly got up, not wanting to wake Jongin and slowly opened the door to peak his head through it and see Jongin’s mother in the kitchen still cooking.

“Oh, good evening. Did you just wake up?” Jongin’s mother greeted him, noticing him.

“Yeah” Kyungsoo answered, “Jongin-I mean Kai is still asleep. He just went to sleep a few hours ago so he’s still tired”

“Kai is here? I didn’t see his shoes at the front.” Jongin’s mother responded, stirring the soup in the pot.

“He forgot his shoes at that…uh-meeting place,” Kyungsoo answered, not really sure if he should be telling her about what really happened to Jongin. Kyungsoo decided on the spot that Jongin could just do the explaining to his mother by himself.

Jongin’s mother laughed, “You boys are funny. Well, go take a bath so we can have dinner before you leave for work. Let Kai sleep, I can wake him up later.”

“Alright” Kyungsoo politely bowed his head.

 

Kyungsoo turned on the water heater in the bathroom and had to wait a little bit more before the water was warm enough to bath with.

While waiting, Kyungsoo returned to his room, where Jongin was still sleeping in. Kyungsoo took out the shirt he was going to wear for his shift that night, thinking of reusing his trousers since it was still clean and wearable.

All the clothes he had here had been bought by Jongin too and Kyungsoo never really had a say in it. Although that was probably because Kyungsoo had been stubborn and refused to leave the room when he first arrived in Japan, forcing Jongin to buy clothes for Kyungsoo without bringing him along to choose.

It took an entire full month before Kyungsoo started to accept that he was stuck there and that he no longer had the power or freedom to do as he pleased. As much as insulting and low it felt to Kyungsoo, he had to adapt to survive, even if it felt biting to his pride.

So, he was now some hotel receptionist with a fake name he even struggled to pronounce. Kyungsoo knew that wasn’t him though.

 

Kyungsoo pulled the towel off the rack, ready to leave the room to the bathroom when Jongin woke up. Kyungsoo had been quiet and avoided making sounds but Jongin woke up anyway.

“What are you doing?” Jongin’s voice croaked, lying down on his side and observing Kyungsoo.

“I’m going to get ready for work,” Kyungsoo answered, without even turning to look at Jongin.

“Don’t go to work today. Take the day off.” Jongin ordered, getting up and wincing slightly due to the pain in his back.

“I don’t take days off unless I’m sick. I am perfectly fine so just go back to sleep.” Kyungsoo ignored Jongin’s request and had his hand on the doorknob, the other hand holding the towel.

 

Ignoring the pain from the newly engraved tattoo on his back, Jongin only took a few strides with his long legs to catch up to Kyungsoo and stop him from leaving.

Jongin firmly placed a hand on the door, beside Kyungsoo, to stop him from opening the door. It hurt to stretch around like that but Jongin couldn’t care less about the pain now.

“I told you to not leave so you’re not going anywhere,” Jongin demanded, looking at Kyungsoo straight in the eye.

“I have to go to work” Kyungsoo repeated, monotonously.

“Not when I say that you don’t have to” Jongin insisted, lowering his voice to supposedly intimidate Kyungsoo.

 

Jongin pulled the towel from Kyungsoo’s hand and threw it away. Kyungsoo pursed his lips and watched as the towel fell to the floor beside Jongin, thinking that he should have probably tried to catch it.

“Go back to bed” Jongin moved his hands to cup Kyungsoo’s cheek on either side, pulling Kyungsoo’s face up to face him.

Kyungsoo did not blink or flinch or said anything, even when Jongin pressed their faces so close to each other until they could feel each other’s breath on their skin, until their lips were merely brushing against each other but not touching.

“I thought I told you not to kill anymore. Why didn’t you listen to me? Look at the mess you put me into. What are you going to do about it now?” Jongin whispered raspily against Kyungsoo’s lips, breathing warm air against Kyungsoo’s face.

Kyungsoo disliked the proximity and it made him uncomfortable to have Jongin so close to him like that. Kyungsoo turned his head away to the side, facing the wooden surface of the door instead of at Jongin.

Jongin forced Kyungsoo to look at him, turning Kyungsoo’s head with his hands to face him and locking him in place with a  leg wedged between Kyungsoo’s thighs.

“I’m not like you, Jongin. I clean up after my mess.” Kyungsoo answered, his eyes looking to the side instead of at Jongin.

“Why do you keep calling me Jongin? Why won’t you call me by my real name?” Jongin whined softly, shaking Kyungsoo’s head in his hands.

Kyungsoo didn’t like what Jongin was doing and tried to pry himself out of Jongin’s hands. Jongin wasn’t letting go anytime soon and resisted Kyungsoo’s attempt.

 

“Look at me when I’m talking to you. Why don’t you ever listen to me?” Jongin firmly demanded, without raising his voice so as to not let his mother outside know that they were arguing in the room.

Kyungsoo quickly snapped his leg forward and slammed his knee into Jongin, hitting Jongin in the groin area.

Jongin flinched from the pain, letting go of Kyungsoo and slumping onto the floor on his knees while clutching his crotch.

Kyungsoo picked the towel up from the floor, using it to harshly slap against Jongin’s bare back, against the reddened skin and the bandages that covered his new tattoo.

Jongin cried out a silent scream from his throat, scampering away from Kyungsoo with a hand behind his back.

 

“Are you done now?” Kyungsoo sneered.

Jongin was still on the floor with his back to the wall and looking back up at Kyungsoo, with disheveled hair falling over his eyes.

Jongin was breathing hard and didn’t dare to say or do anything. He had honestly forgotten that although he controlled Kyungsoo now, it was only because Kyungsoo let himself be controlled. Jongin had let too much of it get to his head.

Kyungsoo could probably kill him with that towel if he really wanted to.

 

“You know why I don’t call you by your real name? It’s because I have no idea who this “Kai” person is. I only know Kim Jongin, that boy who used to watch me from across the street. Since you’re awake now, why don’t you go sit down at the table and have dinner with all of us like a proper person.” Kyungsoo hissed, leaving the room and slamming the door shut behind him with the towel in his hand.

Jongin heaved a sigh of relief when Kyungsoo left.

 

 

Dinner, later on, was awkward as it happened for Jongin. Kyungsoo seemed like he kept Jongin’s mother entertained a lot, talking about Korean culture which she liked from watching television dramas. Jongin’s mother was rather fond of Kyungsoo and believed that he really did “save” Jongin, hence her added admiration to him.

Jongin could only pretend to smile and nod, pretending like he was interested and actually being cautious and slightly intimidated by Kyungsoo.

 

 

Kyungsoo left for work that evening, despite Jongin not wanting him to. Jongin didn’t press the demand further too and let Kyungsoo go without a single word exchanged between them since then.

Jongin went and continued to sleep under the blankets that smelled like Kyungsoo. Jongin had wanted to be home and here he was now, but even home felt so foreign to him now and Jongin wasn’t sure why.

 

Jongin woke up early in the morning, before sunrise, and left even before the time Kyungsoo got off his shift. Although he had wanted to see Kyungsoo, he began to dread and feel scared at the thought of confronting Kyungsoo especially considering their little altercation.

Thus, Jongin thought that it would be better if he didn’t see Kyungsoo for a while.

 

 

Having disappointed and invoked his father’s anger, Jongin had to work harder and put in twice the effort to regain his father’s trust and belief.

Jongin was dashing to and fro; inspecting and managing his father’s businesses scattered throughout the city, ranging from bars to hotels and restaurants. He had no time to be hanging out at the hotel with Kyungsoo and no time to be visiting the apartment either.

 It was an excuse to be busy and not being able to see Kyungsoo because Jongin knew he always gravitated to Kyungsoo and would always find his way back to him.

 

 

 

At the end of the week, Jongin was told to meet a business associate on behalf of his father. The meeting was in the office suite of the high rise building which Jongin’s father also owned, Jongin knowing that the building was bought with the money obtained from illegal dealings which probably had cost a few innocent lives too.

The business associate was an owner of the hotel chains that Jongin’s father had shares stake with, who seemed pretty old, thin and frail and not like someone involved in the yakuza. Jongin could guess that his father had probably extorted this poor old rich man into selling his shares to the yakuza.

That thought turned Jongin off from actually taking this deal seriously. He actually felt bad about it and spent his time walking up and down the length of the ceiling to floor windows, while the poor old man tried to keep up and talk to him about business.

 

The view wasn’t the best because another high rise building built just across the street obscured the view from this side.

Jongin paused, standing still when he saw the lights in one window turn on in the building across from them and the view of what turned out to be an apartment unit came into view.

There was a woman, carrying bags of groceries with her toddler-aged daughter walking behind her. The woman set down her shopping on the counter, which Jongin could see.

The woman left from view and the child noticed Jongin across the window. The child waved to Jongin and Jongin waved back, smiling.

 

“Excuse me?” The frail old man of a business associate stood beside Jongin near the window trying to also grab his attention.

Jongin ignored the business associate, who also turned to look at what seemed to be occupying Jongin.

Shortly later, the woman was seen running back to the kitchen and grabbing her daughter away, seemingly scared of something or someone.

“Oh dear, I wonder what is wrong. I hope they are alright.” The business associate told an inattentive Jongin, also watching what was going on in the apartment.

 

Before the woman could leave with her daughter, the lights blacked out and Jongin could not see what was going on anymore. Jongin still tried looking, pressing his hands on the glass and wondering if he should get someone to check up on them.

It was a full minute before the lights turned on again. There was no woman or child in view. It was just a man, Kyungsoo wearing a suit, standing and watching them behind the glass in the apartment in the building across.

Jongin thought he was mistaken and even blinked to make sure he was seeing the right thing. Kyungsoo really was standing there watching them.

 

The business associate standing beside Jongin was startled and clutched a hand to his chest, suddenly feeling his breathing constricting from the shock before collapsing to the floor.

Jongin had to ignore Kyungsoo and rush to the old man who was on the floor and struggling to breathe. It seemed like and Jongin suspected he was having a heart attack.

Jongin rushed out the office suite to get the secretary to call an ambulance. When Jongin returned to the room with the secretary, the lights had been turned off in the apartment and there was certainly no woman, no child, and no Kyungsoo either.

 

 


	16. I Asked You

 

Jongin understood shit of what was going on. On Saturday, the business associate he was having a meeting with whom he ignored most of the time ended up having a heart attack and being rushed to the hospital in an ambulance.

Jongin then thought he saw Kyungsoo out there behind the window in the building across from them but he had no time to confirm because he felt responsible for the old man’s wellbeing and followed along in the ambulance.

At the hospital, Jongin had to wait for and explain everything to the man’s family, before calling his own father to inform him of the situation at hand.

 

Jongin only returned home late that Saturday night and thought of dropping by at the apartment to see what was going on with Kyungsoo.

But it was almost midnight and Jongin knew his mother went to bed early and didn’t want to wake or disturb her, even with a phone call.

 

 

 

Jongin made his chauffeur to drive him to the hotel where he walked through the doors empty-handed, looking tired and confused as hell with his business suit and hair in a mess.

There was no Kyungsoo behind the reception desk either. It was Erika, the hotel maid.

“Where is he?” Jongin asked Erika, not even having to drop a name because everyone knew who he only came there for.

“I thought you knew? He got promoted, of course, by your father” Erika made it sound so obvious.

“What promotion?” Jongin leaned an elbow against the desk.

“I don’t know what promotion it was exactly but it was some special position your father offered him. I don’t really know what goes on ‘up’ there but hey, I don’t have to clear cum off the sheets anymore so I’m good.” Erika answered, fiddling around with a pen.

“Why am I the only one who doesn’t know of this?” Jongin scrunched his nose.

Erika shrugged at Jongin questioning himself, “Who knows?”

 

 

Jongin left the hotel after some time of leaning against the desk with a perplexed look on his face, trying to figure out his next plan of action and why he didn’t even know what he didn’t know.

Even when the chauffeur piped up from the driver’s seat in front, asking Jongin where he wanted to go next, Jongin couldn’t come up with an answer. He couldn’t even remember where he was supposed to be at now or what he should be doing at the very moment.

Seeing Kyungsoo in that building had come as a large shock to Jongin and witnessing someone having a heart attack in front of his eyes was enough to throw him off his concentration and track of mind.

 

Jongin ended up sitting in the parked car outside the hotel for a good hour or two, with his arm on the seat’s armrest while he thought hard of what to do and tried to make conclusions of what he knew. Jongin regretted not letting Kyungsoo have a phone now, that he could contact easily.

Then again, Kyungsoo never had one even in Seoul. Kyungsoo didn’t want to be tracked and thus only used one when he needed it, which he would dispose of right after

Jongin couldn’t go home now to look for Kyungsoo and ask his mother where Kyungsoo had been. Jongin’s mother was asleep and he respected his mother enough to not wake her up for something like that.

Jongin didn’t want his mother to worry too much about Kyungsoo either and potentially blow the secret they had been keeping from her; which was the fact that Kyungsoo was really a professional and very efficient hitman.

 

Going to the hotel didn’t answer his questions either, and as a matter of fact, it actually ended up with a more confused Jongin possessing more questions than he started with. Where was Kyungsoo really and what was he doing? What promotion was Erika talking about that Kyungsoo had gotten? What did Jongin’s father actually offer Kyungsoo? And more importantly, why was Jongin the only person who didn’t know?

Jongin came to the conclusion that he should pay his father a visit even though he was scared of the thought itself, especially after what had happened that night. Jongin could just imagine the anger on his father’s face when he came asking questions which looked like he should have obviously known about.

Before Jongin could even instruct the chauffeur to drive to his father’s office, Jongin instead received a call from his secretary regarding the passing of the business associate who had been admitted to the hospital earlier that night.

 

There really was no time to look for Kyungsoo at a time like this.

 

 

 

On Sunday, the morning after, Jongin and his father visited the deceased business associate’s home to pay respects to his family and relatives at the wake which was held almost immediately.

Jongin had switched to wear a full black suit and tie but he hadn’t showered since last night. His hair was somewhat presentable, only because Jongin’s secretary had flattened it out for him by tapping on his head.

Jongin had only a few hours of sleep before then too and was still worried as hell and anxious about where Kyungsoo was or what Kyungsoo was up to. Jongin felt like he was still in denial and suspended in disbelief, regarding what he saw behind the window in the building across was really real.

 

Jongin arrived outside the luxurious house belonging to the deceased, fitting that of a status of a hotel chain owner. There were numerous other expensive cars lined up and parked outside the house, signifying the wealth of the guests that had come to pay their final respects.

“Can you smell all that money?” Jongin’s father, Junichi, commented as they waited outside for their assistants to carry in the massive condolence flower wreaths to be gifted to the deceased’s family. Junichi made sure that even their gifts and offerings were up to par with someone of their status.

“What do you mean?” Jongin gulped, pretending to adjust his tie to hide his nervousness, as several of his father men walked past them carrying the intricate and expensive flower wreaths.

“He was a stubborn old man, you know. He made a promise that he wouldn’t let go of his shares majority in his business as long as he lived.” Junichi noted, “-and I’ve always wanted to own some exclusive hotel chains.”

Jongin’s head slowly turned to look at his father standing beside him, trying hard to deny what was going on in his head, “Why don’t you build your own ones then? You have the money.”

“It’s too much of a hassle. I like taking established businesses with a ready brand reputation. I mean, why do it the hard way because like you said-I have the money.  Being yakuza is about the business to, you know.” Junichi answered, bowing his head to a family who was walking past them, heading to the house where the wake was being held.

 

Jongin paused, mouth hung half-open and eyes focused on nothing in particular after hearing his father’s revelation. Jongin was battling his own thoughts and denials at the moment. His mind wasn’t really a pleasant place now.

Jongin only snapped out of his thoughts when he felt his father pulling up his hand and placing a black-and-silver envelope with money in it into the palm of his hand.

“Give that to the wife and try your hardest to act sad and sorrowful, alright? Don’t make it too obvious that we killed him.” Junichi whispered into Jongin’s ear before heading into the house.

“We?” Jongin repeated to himself but his father was too far ahead to hear him.

 

When Jongin heard what his father had said, he began to suspect it but he still didn’t know he would react and feel so strongly about it when the truth dropped, and he couldn’t run away from the speculation anymore. It was a confirmed fact now.

Jongin didn’t understand the full story or the details but he knew now that he became an unknowing accomplice in a murder. Jongin realized that Kyungsoo was right after all. Killing is killing and there’s nothing different about it whether one person or the other does it.

And Jongin felt bad. Sure, he had been justifying the act of killing people in the past as “self-defense” and once because he got mad jealous at a man flirting with Kyungsoo. But now, it didn’t matter what the reason was or how he would come to justify it because Jongin really felt awful and remorseful now.

 

Suddenly, Jongin felt like the entire world had stopped for him as he stood there in the yard outside the luxury house, even with the number of people coming up and down from the house.

He didn’t feel the late winter chill outside anymore. He didn’t feel the rush of chilly air blowing on his face. He didn’t hear the rustling of feet on the pavement and the murmurs of the mourners who were arriving. His face was numb and he wasn’t even sure that he felt his limbs either. Jongin didn’t even feel the first few raindrops that fell on him from the grey skies above, which began to soak his hair, his suit and the envelope in his hand.

 

Jongin was brought inside by his secretary, Shimada, who had to walk him into the house before the cold rain drenched him from head to toe.

Jongin didn’t even have to act. Jongin cried hard and bawled his eyes out, probably even harder than the deceased’s young grandchildren who didn’t understand why grandpa wouldn’t wake up anymore.

He really felt sad and bad about the business’s associate death especially when he had to see the friends and family come to visit in grief. There were two sides to killing and this was the part that Jongin didn’t see.

But that wasn’t it all. Jongin remembered all the people he had killed, whether he had to or not. They probably had their own family and friends who were left behind. Jongin realized how hypocritical it was of him and how pathetic it was to only feel bad about it later, and he started to feel sick even inside.

 

It was probably from the guilt and realization that ate him up or it was probably the smell of the incense from the hundreds of joss sticks that burned, which ended up in Jongin running out of the door and throwing up in the water feature outside.

Jongin was still crying and his face was a mess of snot with tears and vomit flowing out from the orifices on his face.

Shimada came running after Jongin with a handkerchief and Jongin’s father later patted him on the back and applauded him for his “good acting”. Jongin turned his head away and couldn’t even bear to look at his father in the eye for the rest of the day.

 

Kyungsoo really was right about more than one thing, Jongin believed. Maybe even Jongin himself didn’t really know who this “Kai” person was. Jongin wanted to believe that he was brave, cold and ruthless like he thought himself to be.

He wasn’t all that, however. It was just an image of who he projected himself to be, of who he tried to be, of whom he failed to be and of who he couldn’t stand being.

Jongin couldn’t deal with all that but he was only doing all of this and that for Kyungsoo. But Kyungsoo really didn’t need or ask for Jongin’s help, did he? Jongin realized that it was just him forcing things and that he was paying the price for it now.

 

 

Jongin returned to his father’s home after attending the wake and went to bed straight away in the afternoon, without even changing his clothes or showering despite how much he reeked of vomit and how disgusted with himself he felt.

Jongin’s eyes were dry, sore and red from crying. But only he knew that this wasn’t an act. Jongin hid under his blankets and pretended like he was back at Kyungsoo’s cold loft beside a freezer full of dead bodies, and suddenly everything seemed better than what he had at hand.

 

 

 

Jongin woke up at night, early enough for him to be calling his mother at a time when she was still awake. His head still pounded and his throat was notoriously dry but he ignored all of that inconvenience for now.

“Mom?” Jongin didn’t hesitate to speak when the call was picked up.

“Oh, it’s you, Kai. How are you? Are you still busy with work?” Jongin’s mother replied, being the ever concerned mother.

“Yeah, I’m sorry. I’m busy still so I won’t be able to drop by but have you heard from Kyungsoo?” Jongin scratched the back of his head as he quickly deflected his mother’s inquiry to pop the question he had wanted to ask.

“Kyungsoo just left like ten minutes ago. He’s fine. He likes that new job your father gave him. Is anything wrong? Did you two have a fight or something?”

“No, of course not. Everything is fine between us.” Jongin wished that was the truth. “What job did father give him anyway?”

“Oh, I thought you knew about that? Your father made Kyungsoo his new assistant or something like that. Didn’t Kyungsoo tell you about it?” Jongin’s mother replied.

“No, he hasn’t. Did you know where he went?” Jongin asked.

“He said he was going to the Korean restaurant where we brought him to eat after he first arrived here. Do you remember?”

Jongin’s face instantly lit up and he tried hard to not sound eager and pleased that he knew where Kyungsoo was at or headed to.

 

 

Jongin quickly excused himself under the pretense of being busy and hung up the call right after telling that he would visit sometime soon-even if he himself didn’t really know when ‘sometime’ would be, considering how busy he got these days and how everything unexpected seemed to be thrown at him one by the other.

Jongin quickly got ready and ignored his secretary’s calls to inform him of his upcoming schedules. Jongin felt like there was a storm going on inside of him, one which could only be tamed by seeing Kyungsoo even if he knew Kyungsoo wouldn’t react well to his neediness.

 

Jongin made his chauffeur drop him off at the Korean restaurant just about two districts down from the hotel Kyungsoo last worked at. It was 10 pm and the restaurant was open only until 11 pm. Usually, Kyungsoo would be at work at this time so he wouldn't be outside eating in restaurants. 

Jongin almost leaped out of the car before hastily walking through the doors and the lady waiting to seat people by the door was almost startled by Jongin’s sudden appearance.

“No need to take my order. I’m just here to see someone.” Kyungsoo waved the waitress away and it only took him seconds before he found Kyungsoo sitting alone by himself, looking at the half-eaten plates of food on his table at an empty section of the restaurant.

 

 It was nearing closing time and the restaurant was rather empty, not counting the few tables with people finishing up their meal. There didn’t seem to be people coming in anymore too and some of the employees had even begun cleaning up the closed sections so they could be ready to close soon.

Kyungsoo was wearing a dark grey suit with a black tie, looking rather solemn. Jongin joined Kyungsoo at the table. Kyungsoo only glanced up slightly to see Jongin there. Kyungsoo didn’t even seem surprised or the least bit bothered by Jongin’s unannounced presence.

 

“I can’t finish this. You can have it.” Kyungsoo pushed a half-eaten plate of rice, vegetables, and meat towards Jongin.

Jongin snickered in disbelief, shaking his head, “I didn’t come here to eat. I came here for you.”

“Well, I’m here,” Kyungsoo mentioned, sounding bored and uninterested.

“You didn’t tell me you were here! You didn’t tell me anything! I haven’t even heard from you in over a week, you could have been dead and I wouldn’t have known. Do you have any idea what I have been through in that week?” Jongin slammed a palm down on the table, loud enough to be heard in the restaurant but not enough to make a scene.

“You didn’t come to see me in that last week. If you wanted to hear from me, then you should have come.” Kyungsoo responded.

“I saw you in that fucking building. Do you know what you have done?”

“Oh, I know,” Kyungsoo replied. “That old geezer passed away, right, from a heart attack? I was told that he was sick and had a heart problem so all I needed to do was give him a little jump scare.”

“What did I tell you about killing!?” Jongin whispered harshly.

“-that I shouldn’t be doing it? I can’t help it, you know. Killing pays so much well and it’s fulfilling, unlike that job you made me do at the hotel. Maybe if you can find something else more fulfilling for me, I might stop” Kyungsoo shrugged.

“Who is paying you to kill people now? You still haven’t told me why you are not working at the hotel anymore like I told you to.” Jongin asked through gritted teeth.

“Your father, of course”, Kyungsoo paused before continuing to answer, “That answers both your questions actually. Did you really need to ask? I thought you would know about this.”

“My father tells me shit-next to nothing. He was just using me” Jongin sighed, slumping down on the chair, feeling defeated.

“Well, the pay is good and I get to choose my hours. I finally got paid enough to buy new clothes. I miss wearing the clothes I used to wear in Korea.” Kyungsoo noted, fixing the cuffs on his sleeves, “The yakuza has a way bigger and better freezer for storage too.”

“-and you said you hated working for organized crime.” Jongin hissed.

“It was this or that shitty hotel job. It’s obvious isn’t it?”

“You killed a woman and child too.” Jongin looked around the restaurant, making sure no one was near or coming near them.

“I didn’t. They were paid actors just for that dramatic effect. I think the child was her niece or something. They could be strangers for all I care” Kyungsoo looked away from the table, watching the other customer’s and the staff’s movements.

 

So far, they have been unnoticed as of yet, despite obviously having an argument in public.

“My mom doesn’t know about this, does she?” Jongin tilted his head slightly.

“She has no idea” Kyungsoo shook his head, “I’m surprised you actually let someone like me stay with her.”

“Don’t you fucking dare, Kyungsoo”, Jongin reached over the table to grab at Kyungsoo’s tie to pull him in closer.

 

“If I really wanted to, I’d have done it back in October when you first brought me here to supposedly save me when I just wanted to die. It’s about five months too late for that now, isn’t it? You’d have to be retarded to take five months to kill someone. It only really takes a few seconds if you do it right.”

Kyungsoo chuckled dryly, grabbing onto Jongin’s hand that was fisting his tie. Kyungsoo firmly but slowly lowered his hand and Jongin’s onto the table until it hit the surface, forcing Jongin to let go of Kyungsoo’s tie.

Kyungsoo did not release his hold on Jongin’s hand, however. With his free hand, Kyungsoo grabbed a fork and in one swift movement, before Jongin could even react, Kyungsoo stabbed the fork down towards the table.

Jongin almost jumped back and pulled away, startled by the action. Kyungsoo’s grip on Jongin’s wrist was strong, however, not letting Jongin go.

Jongin was breathing hard and beginning to feel the dread and regret all over again. He lost his cool and composure around Kyungsoo, which he guessed wouldn’t end well in that case especially if Kyungsoo got annoyed. Why did he say too much anyway?

 

Kyungsoo was looking at Jongin in the eye from across the table, not breaking the eye contact between them.

Jongin was afraid to look at Kyungsoo and averted his gaze down to his hand which he guessed was stabbed and bleeding from the fork. He probably just didn’t feel the pain yet because of the adrenaline rush, Jongin guessed.

It wasn’t however and Jongin was wrong about that. There was no fork embedded under his skin in his flesh. The fork had landed in the gap between his index and middle finger. Kyungsoo had stabbed hard enough for the fork to be slightly embedded in the table’s wooden surface, leaving it slightly bent too.

 

“If you want to talk more, do it at home when we get back. Don’t be careless, Jongin.” Kyungsoo released his firm grip on Jongin’s wrist, before getting up from his seat and fixing his coat while standing.

Jongin remained sitting in silence, his neck slightly bent upward to look at Kyungsoo. Strangely, he couldn’t help but look now, even if he was scared the shit out of his pants.

Kyungsoo reached forward and patted Jongin on the cheek, who was sitting across from him. Kyungsoo smiled a little. Kyungsoo picked up his bill from the table to pay at the cashier up front but before he could leave, Jongin stood up, now towering over Kyungsoo with his taller height.

 

Jongin leaned in to whisper in Kyungsoo’s ear, “Aren’t you like almost a year late to kill me too? You could have done it in seconds like you said when you first noticed me watching you from across the street. Is that unprofessionalism or just unwillingness? I’ll see you at home.”

Jongin lightly shoved Kyungsoo on the shoulder and walked off, leaving the restaurant and Kyungsoo standing alone there by the table with the bill in his hand.

Kyungsoo laughed to himself after Jongin had left because he honestly didn’t know the answer to that himself.

 

 


	17. I Want You

 

March was almost over. The days grew warmer, longer and brighter as the season of bloom progresses. It hadn’t snowed for almost a month now. It was just clear blue skies and rain here and there.

Spring was here in this part of the region and the flowers, plants, and trees which had wilted over the winter had returned to bring a new stage in life. The famed cherry blossoms would be reaching full bloom in a week or two, being a classic aged symbol of new beginnings and starts.

A new season had begun and it was six months or half a year since Kyungsoo had been here.

It was probably also six months too late but maybe, even just for a little, Kyungsoo started to feel like he could adjust to life here and accept that this was now the norm. He missed his life back home but it wasn’t plausible for him to return there with a bounty on his head.

He was loved here and he felt so too. It really wasn’t that bad outside of Kyungsoo’s head.

 

 

Kyungsoo stood outside the room, in front of the door as he was told to wait. Jongin’s assistant, Shimada, had tried knocking on the door repeatedly but Jongin would not answer.

It was noon and Jongin was typically asleep at these times, and so was Kyungsoo but not today at least. It was also the first time Kyungsoo had actually set foot inside the grand traditional manor which Jongin lived in with his father- albeit having living spaces in totally opposite directions from each other in the manor and sometimes not even seeing each other for days despite living together.

Shimada had tried refusing Kyungsoo and sending him back because Jongin did not like being disturbed while asleep. No one was to wake or approach Jongin while he was asleep, as ordered by Jongin himself.

Kyungsoo was the exception, however. It was also ordered that it Kyungsoo wanted to see or call Jongin; he could do so anytime in any situation.

 

“It’s, okay. I got this. Let me handle this” Kyungsoo politely told Shimada, excusing the older man away.

“Are you sure?” Shimada expressed his concern. He had knocked and rattled the door several times but Jongin didn’t seem to be waking up.

“Yes, don’t worry. Will you excuse me? I know of a way I can get in and see Jong- I mean Kai.” Kyungsoo assured.

“Whatever it is, please don’t hurt anyone in the house, alright?” Shimada tried advising Kyungsoo before something unexpected happened, knowing full well what Kyungsoo did for a living.

“It will be fine, I promise. I am just here to see and talk to Kai like I said” Kyungsoo smiled, bowing his head low and polite to someone older than him.

“Well then. I leave you be.” Shimada excused himself, peeking over his shoulder as he walked away to see if Kyungsoo was up to no good. He couldn’t help but feel wary, knowing that Jongin was a trouble magnet and really had bad luck with the people around him.

Maybe Jongin deserved to be around those people. Maybe he didn’t.

 

 

Kyungsoo felt around the pockets on the suit and trousers he was wearing, looking for something he could possibly use to pick Jongin’s lock open. If he did, this would be the third time Kyungsoo has successfully picked Jongin’s lock open.

Kyungsoo found nothing on hand and resorted to doing the same thing Shimada did. Kyungsoo knocked on the locked sliding doors, calling out for Jongin in Korean.

“Jongin, it’s me Kyungsoo. Open the door please.” Kyungsoo called out, as he knocked the door repeatedly, in a voice loud enough that should be heard outside too.

Kyungsoo sighed, internally giving up and sitting on the wooden floorboards in front of the door. Jongin’s room opened to an open hallway, facing a garden courtyard within the manor’s compounds. It was green and lush this time of the year and Kyungsoo sort of didn’t mind it, even if he was slightly annoyed by Jongin.

 

Kyungsoo was feeling tired too and closed his eyes, gently leaning his back against the door as he sat cross-legged on the floor while facing the courtyard. Kyungsoo could feel the nice moderate spring air on his face and some birds chirping. It was a detail he had missed earlier.

It was placid and tranquil but it didn’t last for too long before he found the support of the door holding his back up, disappearing, and he fell backward in a short fall to the ground on his back with his eyes now wide open and a sleepy looking Jongin standing above him.

“Kyungsoo? What are you doing here?” Jongin yawned, cupping a hand over his mouth. He had finally gotten up and slide the door open, not knowing Kyungsoo was leaning against it.

Kyungsoo was lying with his back flat on the wooden floors still, looking back up at Jongin’s face hovering above him before slowly getting up and standing straight, face-to-face with Jongin.

 

“I came here to see you,” Kyungsoo answered, tilting his head up slightly to look at Jongin.

“What’s wrong? Who died this time?” Jongin tried to stifle a yawn, putting out a hand to hold onto the edge of the sliding door.

“Nobody?”

“Really? Then why did you come here for? Oh, let me guess my father is pissed at something I did and he sent you to tell me?” Jongin sighed, speculating.

“I came here to see you.” Kyungsoo quickly revealed, ending Jongin’s speculations.

If Jongin was sleepy then, he was wide awake now. Jongin folded his arms against his chest and tilted his head slightly, quite skeptical and suspicious at Kyungsoo’s statement.

“Now, why would that be?” Jongin responded.

“You said you were going to come to the apartment last night to visit, so I stayed home the entire night waiting for you and you didn’t show up,” Kyungsoo answered, not breaking the eye contact he had with Jongin.

Jongin looked away to the side, arms still crossed, “I’m sorry I forgot. I got caught up with work..stuff.”

Kyungsoo now too looked away to the side, avoiding Jongin’s moving gaze, “I’m a living human being and you forgot about me? I can understand forgetting your things but this?”

“I didn’t forget you, alright.” Jongin immediately placed each hand on Kyungsoo’s arms, bringing his face to meet Kyungsoo. “Wait, are you actually mad and sulking that I forgot about you?”

“So you actually forgot about me?”

Jongin sighed yet again. He really did forget though and didn’t deny the claim further. It was his fault this time and he couldn’t blame Kyungsoo either for it.

“Fine. Yes, I did. I’m sorry. We’ll spend time with each other now like you want. Get in” Jongin told Kyungsoo, inviting Kyungsoo into his room and sliding the door shut back in place.

Kyungsoo grinned, somewhat pleased at having Jongin give in and did as he was told, walking past Jongin into the room.

 

Jongin’s room was rather plain and he slept on a futon on the floor. Even the walls were painted a dull color and furniture was minimal, fitting of the traditional style.

Kyungsoo sat on the tatami mats on the floor, watching as Jongin undressed from his sleeping robe and changing into a shirt and trousers. Jongin had really no qualms about being naked around Kyungsoo because he knew Kyungsoo never had a reaction towards it anyway and it was not like Kyungsoo had never seen Jongin naked anyway.

 

 

It was the first time Kyungsoo had seen Jongin shirtless since then however and only now, Kyungsoo saw the tattoo imprinted on Jongin’s back. It was that of a tiger, similar to the ones in a traditional painting style. The coloring had not been filled out and only the outlines of the image had been tattooed on but it was very visible what it was.

Kyungsoo’s attention moved to the painting hanging on Jongin’s wall and realized that it was the same one which Jongin had on his back now.

Jongin noticed Kyungsoo intently watching his tattoo and back as he slipped on a white t-shirt, covering up his upper half.

“It’s hideous, isn’t it?” Jongin chuckled, sitting beside Kyungsoo on the floor now that he was fully dressed.

“Now if you take off your shirt when you go to the beach or a public bathhouse, everyone will know you’re yakuza. It’s literally embedded into your skin” Kyungsoo snickered.

“It was about time eventually before my father would make me have it. I took my time with it, to be honest.” Jongin grabbed a pillow from his mess of a futon and bed sheets, hugging the pillow to his chest.

“-because you’re not sure you want to be committed to the yakuza? That’s why you didn’t want something so permanent like that?”

“Honestly, Kyungsoo. I wasn’t even supposed to join the yakuza because I’m an illegitimate child. My father didn’t even put his name on my birth certificate until I was in high school. After I was born, I was sent to live with my grandparents in the village until I was eight or nine. Only after then, I moved to the city. I liked it in the village, to be honest. There were so much green, fields and fresh air everywhere. You could go fishing down the river and run along the fields.” Jongin muttered, leaning his face on the pillow, turned to look at Kyungsoo.

“Tough luck for you. I saw some of the yakuza with tattoos in loincloths in pictures. The loincloths look funny. Will you have to wear that too?” Kyungsoo deadpanned.

“No! I’m not wearing that and not all of us can be brought up privileged and rich like you.” Jongin flicked a finger on Kyungsoo’s forehead. It was pretty hard that Jongin could hear his finger smacking against Kyungsoo’s skull.

“Ow,” Kyungsoo flinched, rubbing his forehead with the back of his hand.

Jongin threw the pillow aside and placed a hand on Kyungsoo’s shoulder, “Are you alright? I’m sorry”

“That didn’t hurt as much as you thought it would” Kyungsoo smiled, emerging out fine from having his forehead flicked at.

“You’re not mad at me still, are you?” Jongin worryingly questioned.

“Do you want me to be? I can do that if you please”, Kyungsoo honestly asked in return.

 

Before Kyungsoo could answer, his phone in the back pocket of his pants began ringing, interrupting the both of them.

“I didn’t know you got a cell phone.” Jongin pointed out.

“Your father made me get one for work. Turns out his assistant can speak Korean so he calls me and gives instructions in Korean because I really cannot understand your father when he speaks.” Kyungsoo pulled out his phone and silenced the call.

“Right…” Jongin remembered that Kyungsoo was now back to his old ways, despite how much Jongin had tried to prevent that.

“That can come later. We’re here to talk, aren’t we?” Kyungsoo softly smiled at Jongin.

That alone was enough for Jongin to go weak in the knees, even if he wasn’t standing. If he was, he’d probably fall over like a mess there and then.

 

Jongin pressed himself closer to Kyungsoo sitting beside him, brushing and bumping their shoulders and arms against each other. Kyungsoo watched Jongin at his side from the corner of his eye.

“You’re really not mad at me?” Jongin softly muttered, leaning his head against Kyungsoo’s.

“Depends if you want me to” Kyungsoo too softly replied, bringing his voice down low.

“I don’t want you to” Jongin picked up the pillow he had cast aside and placed it on Kyungsoo’s lap.

Kyungsoo moved his arms out of the way, allowing Jongin to do that.

 

Jongin gently and slowly laid his head down on the pillow on Kyungsoo’s lap, facing straight up at Kyungsoo above him.

“If you want to sleep, you should go back to your bed. It’s more comfortable there I bet.” Kyungsoo stared straight ahead towards the messy unmade blankets and sheets covering Jongin’s futon.

“No. Let me stay here for a while” Jongin smiled, looking at Kyungsoo above him.

Kyungsoo’s phone rang again and once again he only silenced the call, ignoring it and letting it buzz and vibrate around on the tatami mat floor.

“There’s something I wanted to tell you too” Kyungsoo admitted, hanging his head and looking down at Jongin in his lap.

“What is it?” Jongin softly spoke, dark brown eyes meeting Kyungsoo’s similarly colored ones.

Kyungsoo took a breath before answering, “I’m not apologizing for what I said and done but I’m saying that I want to be here with you. I don’t think it’s that bad after all so can we start over on a good note this time?”

“You want to be with me? What do you mean?” Jongin leaned into the touch, into Kyungsoo’s hands cupping his face.

“I’m saying that I want to be together. You’re the only permanent fixture in my life now. The only thing I feel like I know and I want to be with you by your side.” Kyungsoo earnestly answered.

“-but you don’t love me. Why would you want that? You mean like you want to be in a relationship with me?” Jongin was still in disbelief. Jongin got up from his lying position and sat back up again to face Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo answered, “It feels more stable that way? I really don’t know but I just feel that I do want to be with you. Who are we to question such things, Jongin? I don’t know what love is outside of textbook definitions but I know that you do love me and I guess I’m willing to try for you?”

“This doesn’t involve feeding me human body parts?” Jongin arched an eyebrow, feeling skeptical.

“No. It does not” Kyungsoo shook his head, flatly denying the statement.

Jongin scratched the back of his head, “You are really confusing, aren’t you? I don’t know whether to be happy or watchful now.”

 

“Then choose to take that path to be happy.” Kyungsoo placed a hand on Jongin’s cheek, stroking the skin on Jongin’s face.

“How can you be so scary one moment and so loving the other.” Jongin sighed, placing his hand over Kyungsoo’s on his face.

“Was I ever even loving?”

“Maybe in the most unconventional way, you were. You let me live. Love is more actions than words. You do love me don’t you?” Jongin sounded a tad bit hopeful when he asked the heavy question.

“I can’t say that yet.”

“Why not?” Jongin’s grab on Kyungsoo’s hand grew tighter.

“You scare me sometimes too, you know.”

Jongin chuckled, “Is it because you don’t want to be committed to a yakuza member like me?”

“I still believe loyalty can be bought- for me at least. Now that I’m here, I realize that some people like the yakuza can be loyal to each other even when wealth is offered. That is not for me, however.” Kyungsoo clarified.

“Are you saying that if you were paid to kill me, you would do it?” Jongin wasn’t even stunned, surprised or taken aback. He knew the person Kyungsoo was and he wasn’t expecting Kyungsoo to suddenly turn over a new leaf anytime soon either. He would always be Kyungsoo, no matter where in the world he ended up.

“I can’t say that I will not but I can’t say that I will either. I don’t know what love is but I do know that if I can’t give you a clear and firm answer for that, then I don’t deserve to love you. You can do so much better than me, Jongin. You’re still young and have your life ahead of you.” Kyungsoo continued caressing Jongin’s face, stroking and patting it gently.

 

“-but I just want you, Kyungsoo. I didn’t get kidnapped and ended up like this for nothing. If you told me to do it all over again, I would say yes in a heartbeat if it meant that I could be with you and love you again.”

Jongin removed Kyungsoo’s hand from his face, holding Kyungsoo’s hand in his fist before slowly leaning towards Kyungsoo’s face, pressing it close against Kyungsoo. Jongin did not let go of Kyungsoo’s hand.

“Close your eyes” Jongin breathed against Kyungsoo’s lips, inching closer by the second.

Kyungsoo did as he was told and when Jongin leaned in to kiss him; Kyungsoo parted his lips and tilted his head slightly to properly accommodate Jongin.

Jongin ended the kiss fast, pulling away and breathing heavily, gazing into Kyungsoo’s eyes and not being able to say a single word. Jongin was worried he had done or said something wrong to disappoint and upset Kyungsoo. He was just now waiting for the aftermath of it.

 

Kyungsoo pried his hand away from Jongin, who promptly let go and did not resist either. Jongin closed his eyes out of fear of the anticipation of what would possibly happen.

Instead, Kyungsoo moved his arms to rest on Jongin’s shoulders and carefully placed his hands behind Jongin’s nape, pressing his thumb gently into the skin between Jongin’s ear and neck.

Holding Jongin’s head firmly in place, Kyungsoo leaned in to kiss Jongin, smashing their lips against each other.

Jongin too kissed Kyungsoo back. Jongin did not see that coming either but he did not resist nor reject it. This was what he wanted after all.

Jongin moaned into the kiss, muffled whimpers escaping from his mouth. Kyungsoo grunted lightly as he gently nipped on Jongin’s lower lip.

Jongin wasn’t going to question having his dream fulfilled like this. The context didn’t matter. Kyungsoo himself wasn’t entirely sure but just felt like he needed to return the kiss because Jongin had been the first one to do it. Kyungsoo was just going on with the flow, doing what he thought was right.

 

Soon enough, Jongin had found himself lying on his back on the tatami mat floor instead. Kyungsoo was still kissing him from above with his hands firm on Jongin’s face. Jongin was running out of breath and his lips felt abused but he couldn’t care less.

It seemed like they had the entire world and time to themselves at the moment. They didn’t however. Kyungsoo’s phone rang again for the third time.

“I think you should really get that. It’s work isn’t it?” Jongin urged, pulling from the kiss with his hands resting on Kyungsoo’s waist above him.

Kyungsoo sighed, sitting up and getting off Jongin as he adjusted his tie, “I’ll call them back later on.”

“It’s ok. You can go if you want. I should go back to sleep too.” Jongin assured.

Kyungsoo felt a yawn, coming to the realization that he too was tired, “It’s my bedtime too, silly.”

“Sleep with me here then. There’s space for two.” Jongin crawled onto his white down futon, spreading the blankets and sheets and patting the space beside him, “Come.”

“Yeah, let me take this call first then.” Kyungsoo excused himself when his phone began ringing again for what was the fourth time since he had been there.

 

 

Kyungsoo left the room and walked a bit down the hallway until he was sure he was alone and out of earshot. He had to be wary of that constantly when picking up calls for work like these.

Kyungsoo picked up the call, confirming, “Yes, it’s me.”

“Is everything alright? We have been trying to contact your four times today.” Jongin’s father’s assistant’s familiar voice was heard over the phone.

“Everything is alright. I was just dealing with private personal matters.” Kyungsoo firmly replied.

“Well then. The boss has another task for you. He has another person he would like you to take out for dinner. Can you take it?”

Kyungsoo paused, hearing and knowing that it was the code for assassination and ‘taking someone out’ but in a different manner than what was mentioned.

“I’ll take it. Who is the guest? What is my stipend?” Kyungsoo balanced his weight on one foot where he stood, overlooking the courtyard.

“If you finish this, we will pay double to the Chilsungpa to release the bounty on your head and you will be able to return to your homeland right after.  We understand it’s a large amount but we will do it if you take out Yamaguchi Kai.”

“The boss’s son?” Kyungsoo had to repeat, afraid he was mishearing.

“Yes.”

“It’s not an open contract isn’t it?” Kyungsoo asked to confirm.

“No. It’s a closed one only for you specially ordered to by the boss.”

“Is there a penalty for contract cancellation?” Kyungsoo inquired.

“There is. We will terminate you from your position if you do.”

Kyungsoo knew he could not refuse now. There was no such thing as being fired from the yakuza. It was basically a death sentence.

“Fine then. Give me 48 hours.” Kyungsoo ended the call and slipped the phone back into his back pocket.

 

Kyungsoo walked back to the room where Jongin was half asleep waiting for him. Kyungsoo quietly made sure to not make too much noise and slide the doors back in place softly, setting the lock in place.

“Do you have to go now?” Jongin groaned, turning over on the futon.

Kyungsoo plopped down on the futon, reaching out a hand to gently brush the hair out of Jongin’s eye.

“No, it’s okay. Go to sleep.” Kyungsoo’s voice was calm and cool as he removed his coat and tie, folding it neatly and putting it away.

Kyungsoo crept under the blankets with Jongin, pulling it over their heads, “You like it like this, right?”

Jongin sleepily nodded, “Yeah. It’s better with you though.”

Kyungsoo laid down close to Jongin, pressing his forehead against Jongin’s. Kyungsoo locked the fingers on his hands into Jongin’s at their sides.  

 

Jongin fell asleep fast to the hushed and calming sounds of their synced breathings and their warm skin touching each other. Jongin slept well and peacefully too for a change of pace. It felt too good to be true.

It was true indeed but it wasn’t that good. Kyungsoo did not sleep yet. He spent the entire time holding Jongin’s hands in his, looking at Jongin’s sleeping face while he stayed quiet and calm as possible despite the turmoil going on inside of him.

Time was running and Kyungsoo didn’t know what to do. In a world where he had to kill or be killed, Kyungsoo felt like he might as well have found what he could but would not kill.

 

 

 

Somehow, even despite all that, Kyungsoo managed to fall asleep intertwined with Jongin. It was still peaceful for now. The pair slept soundly, so much that they did not hear Jongin's own phone on the floor beside them beeping with a text message notification as the screen lit up to display the text. The text message also came from Jongin's father's assistant, who had called Kyungsoo earlier. The message read: "Take out Kyungsoo for dinner before he does it for you. You have less than 48 hours."

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just letting you know that "Across" will be ending in 2-3 chapters.


	18. I Need You

 

“I know you might not believe me but your father is trying to kill you and he wants me to do it,” Kyungsoo told Jongin the moment the latter woke up. Kyungsoo had been awake for a while and had been sitting up on the futon in silence, waiting for Jongin to wake up. Even though if it was a dire situation which was either life-or-death for the both of them, Kyungsoo still wouldn’t wake up Jongin and disturb his sleep.

“I know. He wants me to kill you too; he says that if I don’t do it, you will.” Jongin muttered, scrolling through his phone and showing the text to Kyungsoo sitting beside him.

“What do you want to do? We have 40 hours left.” Kyungsoo asked, hoping that Jongin had the answer they both needed.

“We can run away?” Jongin suggested.

“We can run but it’s only a temporary situation. We can’t do it forever. Why does your father want you dead anyway? Did you do anything to anger him?” Kyungsoo inquired, sitting cross-legged on the futon with his palms pressed on his folded knee.

“I have no idea but I know that he wants to get rid of the both of us and he thought it was easier if we do it ourselves to each other so he doesn’t have to get someone else to do it. It’s like killing two birds with one stone.” Jongin explained.

“I can understand your father wanting to get rid of me but what about you? You’re his son, his heir. Why would he do all of this?” Kyungsoo asked, suspicious of the whole setup.

Jongin sighed, looking dejected already, “I may be his son but I doubt he really cares about blood inheritance. Blood ties are not above clan loyalty in the yakuza. My father was not related to the previous head and neither was the previous head related to the one before him. It is given to who is worthy but my father gave me the chance as his blood relative to prove my worth, and I don’t think I satisfied him enough. He barely even mourned my brothers’ death because he said they were weak to die. I’m not sure if he’s testing me or he just wants to get rid of me so he can make someone else his heir.”

Kyungsoo pursed his lips and gave Jongin an I-told-you-so look, “This is why organizations like the yakuza and mafia confuse me. All these complicated loyalty complex and stuff are why I’d rather not deal with it.”

Jongin snickered, “You say that but here you are involved with the yakuza and the Korean mafia has made use of your services before in the past.”

Kyungsoo paused, “…I don’t have an answer for that but we should get going now.”

“So we are running away?” Jongin asked to confirm.

“We don’t have a choice” Kyungsoo replied.

 

 

With just the clothes on their back, a fully loaded gun hidden in their suits and money stolen from Jongin’s father’s safe, Jongin and Kyungsoo left the house in one of the many cars in Jongin’s father’s garage. They had less than 39 hours on hand to off each other. Until then, they were safe from everyone else but maybe not each other.

“We can’t go far with this. This car is too expensive and uncommon. We need another car.” Kyungsoo mentioned, searching through the glove compartment in the car while Jongin drove, leaving the city boundaries with a safe destination in mind.

“We should leave the country too” Jongin glanced over to the passenger seat, seeing Kyungsoo pull out whatever he could find that they could use.

“Where are we going to go? Korea?” Kyungsoo laughed, “Then we will be back to square one, back at the source of our problems and we’ll probably end up repeating the same mistakes all over again. We can’t run away, Jongin. We’re just hiding until we figure something out. We have over a day for that.”

“Ok, so what do we do now?” Jongin removed one hand from the steering wheel to loosen his tie, feeling tense and suffocated by the situation.

“We need to steal an older car that has no GPS tracking system but isn’t too uncommon either on the road. No flashy colors or body designs.” Kyungsoo stated, looking out at the parked cars on the side of the road for the one they could possible hijack. “Give me your phone,” Kyungsoo ordered, holding out his hand.

Jongin reached into his pocket with one hand while the other hand guided the steering wheel, fishing his phone from the front pocket of his trousers to pass to Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo took Jongin’s phone into his own hands before pressing the automatic window button down, then chucking Jongin’s phone out of the moving car onto the streets.

Jongin was startled, “Why did you do that for? I needed that!”

“I don’t want them to track you down,” Kyungsoo responded, flatly.

“Then what about yours?” A surprised Jongin asked.

“We need mine.”

Jongin sighed. He didn’t understand Kyungsoo’s actions and reasons but it was no time to shout and get angry at Kyungsoo for it. Jongin knew and accepted that he couldn’t really make Kyungsoo change but strangely, he found himself trusting Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo probably knew what he was doing, Jongin thought.

 

 

Jongin and Kyungsoo ended up pulling over at a supermarket’s parking lot where they abandoned their car in the parking lot. Kyungsoo picked an old car and waited for the equally old man who owned the car to return from his shopping at the supermarket nearby.

Jongin shoved a wad of cash into the old man’s hand and took the car keys from him without much resistance from the old man’s behalf, who was still surprised and in disbelief at having two men run at him to steal his car but also give him a lot of money for a new car in return.

“Sorry, we’re taking this.” Jongin apologized, scrambling into the driver’s seat of their newly stolen car before quickly driving off.

Kyungsoo laughed seeing Jongin, “You just paid the man for the car. That isn’t stealing.”

“I’m not like you, Kyungsoo,” Jongin interjected, adjusting himself again in the smaller seat of the car which was quite uncomfortable for his long legs.

“So, where are we going? I don’t know the roads around here. Do you have a safe house?” Kyungsoo asked as they began to left the city limits and the buildings around them grew less dense and smaller, as open fields and trees became a more common sight rather than buildings, the further they drove on.

“I know a place in the village we can go to. We’ll think of what to do when we get there.” Jongin answered, not moving his eyes off the road.

“Okay. Try using an off road if you can.” Kyungsoo answered, looking away and feeling a turmoil going on in his heart. Kyungsoo wasn’t used to feeling like this or even feeling undecided and conflicted.

 

 

Somehow, Kyungsoo felt a strange sense of déjà vu to be in this situation all over again. It was like he had done this before but in a different light and context. It was almost like the time he had to run away with a captive, that being Jongin, back in Korea; which led to the events of him ending up here in the first place.

Kyungsoo made mistakes and he only blamed himself for the situation he landed himself in.

Kyungsoo looked to the side to watch Jongin driving the car and watching the road carefully. His mistake was Jongin.

His mistake was not kidnapping Jongin nor was it his failure to kill Jongin when he had the chance, at a time when he felt differently about Jongin and could have done it easily. His mistake was really just Jongin’s existence.

 

Even with his freedom and the promise of returning to his homeland to his old life he longed for so much, Kyungsoo still couldn’t bring himself to do it. He couldn’t kill Jongin even though he could literally write a book about the numerous ways explaining how to kill Jongin right on the spot.

Kyungsoo’s hand quietly reached into his coat pocket until he felt the touch of the cool metal body of the gun on his hand. It was fully loaded and he could just get Jongin to pull on the side of the road here in the middle of nowhere. Kyungsoo could then just easily fire the gun into Jongin’s skull and that would be the end of it. The end of his problems and the stop to his ongoing mistake.

He would then deliver Jongin’s dead body to the yakuza and walk off with his freedom. There was also a chance of the yakuza betraying Kyungsoo and killing him after that but if he had to die after that, Kyungsoo knew that at least he tried and he would be content.

But if they didn’t and he got to go home, Kyungsoo would return to his red-brick wall apartment across the street from the convenience store. Only this time, there would be no Jongin working there or watching him anymore. He would return back to his loft and there would be no Jongin lying on that small messy bed, chained to the floor.

And Kyungsoo suddenly felt like he didn’t like the idea of continuing without Jongin. Kyungsoo chuckled to himself and removed his hand from the gun in his coat, resting his palm on his knee instead.

 

“What is it?” Jongin asked, hearing Kyungsoo chuckle to himself.

“If we ever get out of this alive, I think we should start seeing a therapist,” Kyungsoo replied, gently chewing on the inside of his cheek.

Jongin glanced for a second to Kyungsoo, “You still think I have Stockholm’s syndrome? I love you for real.”

Kyungsoo chuckled again, “I wouldn’t even love me, Jongin. But I feel unexplainably attached to you for some reason in ways I can’t explain. I don’t want to put you in danger and I can’t even deal with the thought of leaving you. I think I might have it too”

“You really are strangely honest for someone like you”, Jongin muttered.                      

“If you accept the truth, Jongin, it’ll help you cope with reality better. Then maybe you’ll stop having all those nightmares. Sleeping during the day is not going to fix your problems. You should be afraid more of the danger that appears in the light than the one that hides in the dark from you” Kyungsoo shook his head and sounding actually concerned to advise Jongin.

Kyungsoo sighed, leaning his head on the glass of the car window, “Then again, maybe if I didn’t lock you up for so long in the dark, you probably won’t be so scared of it.”

“I feel like punching you right now, seriously. If I break your teeth, you can fix it yourself can you?” Jongin admitted, recalling at the memory.

“I deserve that one then but you almost broke my nose that one time already.” Kyungsoo smiled, also reminded of the event.

 

 

It was past midnight when Jongin and Kyungsoo arrived at their destination. Kyungsoo had no idea where they were and was simply following Jongin around, putting trust into Jongin to lead them somewhere safe.

After hours of driving on a road with only forests in view, they arrived in a small quiet town with rows of shuttered shop houses, most of it without signboards or looking like it had been in business for a while.

It was nighttime and the street lights weren’t that many either in a small town, so Kyungsoo couldn’t make out a lot of what he saw especially being unfamiliar to the place. Most of the lighting came from the houses scattered along the roadside which was just two lanes. There were even rice fields along the stretch of the road with houses nearby.

Kyungsoo couldn’t help but feel like he was repeating the same thing all over again. This was how he had run away with Jongin to his safe house in that small town back in Korea. From experience, it didn’t really turned out well and Kyungsoo sure as hell didn’t want the same thing to be happening again.

Except for this time, there was nowhere to run to. Kyungsoo was worried but kept it to himself and remained silent. He had a plan but he couldn’t tell Jongin about it yet. He knew Jongin probably wouldn’t agree to it so he’d just have to do it without letting Jongin know.

 

It was a small traditional house with only one floor and sliding doors to boot. The front door opened up to a small yard and space enough for a few cars, with the view of the rice fields out in the open. There were probably only three rooms at most in the house.

Jongin parked their stolen car in front of the house and Kyungsoo made sure to look around before stepping inside, making sure they were not being followed.

“This is your safe house? Do you think we will be found here?” Kyungsoo asked, taking off his shoes in the hallway on the floorboards that creaked loudly when he stepped on it.

Jongin had turned on the lights and locked the front door. “Yeah, it is. I think they will find us here eventually.” Jongin sighed, standing behind Kyungsoo.

“We have 35 hours until then, so about a day and a half,” Kyungsoo stated, reading the time from his brand new wristwatch.

They probably won’t look for us before that but once the time is up and they haven’t heard anything from us then and if at least one of us isn’t dead by then, you can bet they’ll do it themselves.” Jongin revealed, feeling dreadful.

“Your father really hates you, doesn’t he?” Kyungsoo looked over his shoulder to look at Jongin behind him.

“You can say he does but it’s not like he ever liked me from the beginning” Jongin shrugged.

 

 

Kyungsoo explored the house to familiarize himself with the layouts and surroundings. It was important to know where to run and hide in the case of a home invasion and ambush. Kyungsoo also had to take note of where would be the safest place and the least safe in the house.

In the small living room with an old couch and an old cathode ray television, Kyungsoo found several picture frames lined on the shelf. Kyungsoo didn’t recognize the older couple in the pictures but Kyungsoo recognized a younger version of Jongin’s mother in the pictures and that of a young boy whom really did look like Jongin upon closer inspection.

Jongin looked very young in the pictures, probably no older than elementary school age. From the old quality of the photos and the outdated clothes worn in the pictures, it really was probably a while since they were taken.

Kyungsoo heard Jongin walk into the living room and glanced over his shoulder, “Did you grow up here?”

“Do you remember the house in the village which I told you, about where I grew up with my grandparents?” Jongin leaned against the frame of the door, folding his arms against his chest. Jongin had taken off his suit and tie and was wearing his dress shirt tucked out of his trousers.

“Yeah, I do”

“Well, this is it. But its okay, I’m sure it’s safe and even if my father’s men find us here, it will be a while before they do.  My father barely knows anything about my mother’s side of the family or even bothered to know where she came from.” Jongin assured, closing the gap between himself and Kyungsoo, standing behind Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo took a look at Jongin and then back at the picture, “You sure had a lot of hair even as a child. Your hair is so thick. So, where are your grandparents now anyway? Your mother never talks about them either.”

“My grandmother had a stroke last year and my grandfather is blind so they live in an assisted living home in a different town. When I came back last year, I had this place fixed up as a safe house. I thought something might happen like this. I learned it from you” Jongin explained, resting a hand on Kyungsoo’s shoulder as they both faced the shelf adorned with pictures and memorabilia of the past.

“So you actually learned something from all that” Kyungsoo scoffed.

“I’m not dumb, Kyungsoo.” Jongin corrected.

“I never said you were. Do you have any food here?” Kyungsoo walked past Jongin, headed to the kitchen just beside the living room.

“-just canned food” Jongin answered, following behind Kyungsoo.

“Good enough. Eat up and rest. I’ll take the first watch.” Kyungsoo instructed, rummaging through the kitchen shelves and drawers for the mentioned canned foods.

 

Jongin sighed, watching Kyungsoo’s back crouched against the shelves, as he was remembered about the possible fate that awaited them.

Jongin didn’t think it was fair. He had finally gotten his wish and possibly had his feelings requited after being so complicated and unconditionally in love with Kyungsoo for a while, only to have the possibility of them being torn apart now.

He knew that although no one lived forever and the day where they would have to part would inevitably come; with the statistics pointing to Kyungsoo to die first due to being seven years older, Jongin never wanted it to be this soon. There was still so much more left to live for.

 

 

 

It took a while but Jongin managed to fall asleep on an old yellowed futon which was probably white in color once.

Kyungsoo stayed up while Jongin slept as he would take the first watch as they had agreed upon. Kyungsoo sat on the floor in the same room with Jongin, with his back to a wall and the door left slightly open so he knew what was going on outside the room.

The lights in the house and in the room were turned off so it wouldn’t be obvious that someone was home. It was dark and there was minimal light coming in from outside from the street lamps through the gap in the windows.

Kyungsoo’s gun rested on his lap and he often moved a hand to touch it, making sure it was still there. It was quiet and the only sounds were that of Jongin’s heavy breathing and occasionally rustling on the sheets when he turned in his sleep.

 

As dawn slowly approached, Kyungsoo began to feel his eyes grow heavier and that he was beginning to doze off. The streetlights outside turned off when there was enough daylight outside as morning approached.

Kyungsoo felt sleep wash over him and nodded off, falling asleep with his back to the wall as he sat on the floor with his legs stretched out in front of him.

Kyungsoo wasn’t asleep for long when he was awoken by the sound of Jongin calling out to him.

Kyungsoo stirred awake, slightly startled, “What is it?”

“You should have waked me up if you were tired,” Jongin mentioned. He was squatting on the floor in front of Kyungsoo, sporting a bed head, as he held Kyungsoo’s arm to read the time on the wristwatch. “We have 30 hours left.”

“I’m not tired. I just got bored.” Kyungsoo denied.

“You can go to sleep now. I’ll take over from here. You need the rest too.” Jongin offered.

Kyungsoo too read the time on his watch, “You were only asleep for three hours. Are you sure that is enough? Go back to rest. I got this.”

 

Jongin got up to slightly open the window on the wall near them, letting the early morning sunlight enter the room.

Jongin then sat back down on the floor beside Kyungsoo, pressing his back against the wall and resting his head on Kyungsoo’s shoulder.

“Let’s rest together, then” Jongin muttered, eyes heavy as he still felt tired.

“Yeah…”, Kyungsoo pushed the gun from his lap where it fell onto the floor with a light thud sound. Kyungsoo rested a hand on Jongin’s lap as a light breeze entered the room from the window.

Jongin placed his own hand against Kyungsoo’s on his lap, locking and intertwining his fingers with Kyungsoo, “You haven’t said anything about what we should be doing right now. You said we couldn’t run away but we’re running now. What do you have in mind?”

Kyungsoo leaned in against Jongin’s head resting on his shoulder, “Don’t worry. I got this so trust me.”

“Please don’t do anything stupid”, Jongin begged, suddenly feeling cold and it was not because of the temperature.

 

The cherry blossom tree in the yard just outside the window had begun blooming and lightly shedding the pink petals that fluttered to the ground. It seemed like spring was a tad bit earlier here than in the city.

When the light breeze that was cool and felt just right, blew by, a few pink petals from the tree fluttered through the open window and onto their laps as they sat in each other’s arms just beneath the window.

Kyungsoo gently lifted Jongin’s head so they could face each other. Jongin didn’t resist either as they gazed into each other’s eyes.

Kyungsoo held Jongin’s face between his hands as the breeze that blew started to become constant, sending more fluttering cherry blossom petals blowing into the room. No other sound was heard except the light blowing of the breeze.

“It’ll be alright. Please don’t worry about it” Kyungsoo assured, planting a light kiss on Jongin’s lips.

Jongin placed both his hands against Kyungsoo’s holding his face, “I love you, Kyungsoo. I will follow you to the depths of hell.”

“I know, Jongin. I know.” Kyungsoo had not doubted Jongin’s love for him.

And if Jongin wasn’t busy reciprocating the kiss that Kyungsoo had given him, he would have seen Kyungsoo’s eyes slightly water and that the wetness he felt on their locked lips were actually Kyungsoo’s own tears.

 

 

 

Kyungsoo went to sleep in Jongin’s arms, holding each other so close until even their breathings were in sync and in tune with each other. It was warm, snug and comfortable even at a time like this. This was what home felt like now to Kyungsoo. He didn’t need to return anywhere now because it was right here in his arms.

Kyungsoo had not had dreams in his sleep for a long time but he did that day, even though he couldn’t remember what most of it was about when he woke up, he did remember Jongin being in it.

 

 

Because, Kyungsoo woke up alone and immediately scrambled to look for Jongin, only to find the house empty and that the car was gone. Kyungsoo rushed back to the room and found a note written in Korean on the pillow which Jongin had slept on.

“That idiot never listens to anyone but himself and he took the car too” Kyungsoo hissed, throwing away the note where it fell back on the sheets.

Jongin did not take the money with him so Kyungsoo grabbed the plastic bag with the money in it and ran out of the house on the road beside the rice fields, to head to the town center to catch a bus or taxi even if he had no idea where he was at right now.

He had to make it there in time before Jongin did anything stupid. Even after all Jongin had told Kyungsoo not to do, Jongin had gone ahead to do it himself.

 

 

The note left lying on the unmade futon they both had slept on, read, “Kyungsoo, it looks like I’ll be going to hell first. I’ll wait for you here until the day comes so please live well until then. I’m going to settle things with my father. You will be free after this so, please don’t hate me for this. I love you.”

 

 

Kyungsoo never felt panic and fear of loss. Not until now. Maybe this was what love really meant.

 

 

 


	19. You Love Me

 

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. Jongin had played out the scenarios and the possibilities in his head but none of it had led him to or prepared him for this outcome. Least to say, he was at a loss at what to do. He didn’t see or predict this coming at all and the harder he pressed himself to come up with a resolution for his current situation, the more he realized how crippling he felt towards it.

The feeling of defeat, uncertainty, and fear was overwhelming him. Jongin had to hold his own hands together to stop himself from shaking but it was not much of a help. His shoulders and whole body were obviously still shaking even in the warm office belonging to his father, where it wasn’t even cold enough to be shivering.

If he wasn’t sitting down, Jongin would have fell face flat on the floor a long time ago because even his knees were shaking and felt weak to support his own weight.

 

There was a gun placed on and pointed towards Jongin on the grand oak desk in front of him. It was just placed there within reach but no one was touching it. But still, it felt threatening and pressuring just to see the hollow barrel facing him.

Sitting in the armchair on the opposite side of the desk was Jongin’s father.

Jongin wasn’t afraid of his father now. He was afraid of his fate and even more for Kyungsoo.

 

 

“Don’t worry. You told him where you were going to be so if he loves you, he’ll come for you and if he doesn’t, he’ll come to kill you. It’s simple as that.” Jongin’s father made it sound like it was so easy. He obviously didn’t really care much about the outcome and how it would affect Jongin, from the way he talked.

“Why are you even doing this?  Why are you making us kill each other?” Jongin refused to face his father, looking down on the carpeted floor between his legs as he continued holding his own hand to stop himself from shaking too much. Jongin hated looking weak in front of his father.

“To put it simpler, your Korean friend there is useful but he is also a liability to me because we can’t trust him. I didn’t really want to hire him but you said you love him and that really surprised me so I wanted to see how true that was and if Kyungsoo can really be trustworthy.” Jongin’s father, Junichi, replied nonchalantly.

“I would never betray the clan” Jongin stammered, “-have I not done enough to prove my loyalty to you?”

“Oh, I know you are because you have nowhere to go. The yakuza is all you have. That’s why you came here all high and mighty demanding Kyungsoo to be free and even pointing a gun at me, but you still end up breaking down and can’t do it after all. You won’t kill me, sure, but what about Kyungsoo? You can’t answer that for Kyungsoo, can you? Do you even know if he will even have your back?” Junichi challenged Kyungsoo.

“He won’t do it.” Jongin whimpered. Jongin hated himself right now.

“You really are strange to be in love with a man, and out of all the men, you chose him. Is there no woman good enough for you that you had to go for a man? Did you think I would not be suspicious that you just brought home a professional hitman and say that you love him?” Junichi inquired, standing up and leaning over the desk to bring himself slightly closer to Jongin.

Jongin gazed up, towards his father, with bleak eyes that were screaming for help. “What is the meaning of this? Why are you trying to tear us apart?”

“You’re just confused, Kai. You don’t even know what love is. He probably used you so you only think you love him. We don’t know Kyungsoo’s ulterior motive” Junichi insisted.

“He has no ulterior motive! I was the one who brought him here to Japan. He didn’t ask for any of this. If there’s anyone responsible for it, it’s me” Jongin stood up, slamming a hand down on the table, rattling the gun laying on the surface.

 

Junichi moved a few steps backward from the table with his cane in his hand, “I did give you the warning in case he kills you first. If you don’t actually love him, obviously you’d choose your own life over his but in this case, you actually didn’t kill him.”

“Then why did you send out that order to Kyungsoo to kill me!?” Jongin yelled, feeling the adrenaline rush course through him. Blood was flowing to his head and he felt heated up and angry now.

“I wanted to see how much we can trust Kyungsoo. He is a hitman with no loyalty and will work for the highest bidder. One day, he might even take our own heads.” Junichi made a cutting motion with his finger across his neck. “So it’s better to finish him off now and since you say you love him, I thought it might be better if you do it.”

“There was a possibility I would die from this and you still did it to prove a point?!” Jongin bellowed.

“Sacrifices have to be made. Your brothers died because they were incompetent so it means they weren’t worthy of being my heir anyway. If you die, then it’s probably not meant for you either.” Junichi shrugged, swinging his cane.

 

 

Jongin clenched his fist, angered and irritated as hell. But it was not like he didn’t know what kind of man his father was anyway. His father had killed, sold, hurt, tortured and used countless of people to get to where he is today.

Jongin’s father was a man of crime after all. Even though indirectly, he had torn many families apart and shed the blood of innocent people through his illegal dealings. He sold weapons which were used to kill people, he sold drugs that many people have died over, he conducted illegal business which has used and defiled countless of people.

So, it wasn’t a surprise that Jongin found himself in this situation where he too was used by his own father. Maybe Jongin should have never left the village. He should have just stayed there and never came to the city to try and join his father.

Jongin hated himself for that now because had he not; he wouldn’t have met Kyungsoo, which meant Kyungsoo would be safe now. Jongin would rather have not knowing Kyungsoo than to lose him.

 

It was silent for a while until the phone on the desk rang, breaking the heavy and unsettling silence between them. Junichi picked up the phone with his free hand, nodding and muttering low to the person on the other end of the call before hanging up, placing the receiver back down.

“Kyungsoo is here. He just arrived at the lobby on the ground floor. He doesn’t love you, Kai. He’s probably here to kill you so do a favor and take him out for the sake of the clan. You’re risking all of us if you don’t do it.” Junichi pushed the gun on the table, sliding it towards Jongin.

Jongin eyed the gun but did not pick it up. “He won’t do it. He won’t kill me.”

“We’ll find out now, won’t we? I’ll wait for you and see what you do” Junichi muttered, walking away from the desk, leaving Jongin alone in the spacious office with large windows where the business associate from previously had died in.

 

 

Jongin grabbed the gun and stormed out of the office, down the hallway and headed to the elevator. Even when Shimada, Jongin’s assistant, called out for him to ask if he needed anything, Jongin ignored it because he only had one thing on his mind.

For a moment there, Jongin actually doubted that Kyungsoo was there to save him and not kill him. In that case, Jongin knew his survival instinct would kick in and he would have to probably kill Kyungsoo first even if he desperately wished that would not be the case.

Sure, there were more bad experiences than the good ones-if any when it came to Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo had not been exactly nice to Jongin in the past, and Jongin was not dumb or oblivious to not realize that.

Maybe saying that Kyungsoo wasn’t nice was sugarcoating things because it really was abusive at some points and Jongin knew this.

But then again, Jongin was also given the chance to be free and leave Kyungsoo, but he still came crawling back at every given chance despite knowing what he was putting himself into. He knew Kyungsoo would never change now and Jongin accepted that.

Right there, Jongin made the decision that he wanted this. He wanted Kyungsoo. It was so unhealthy but he knew exactly what he was getting into. If Kyungsoo killed him, Jongin would just accept that his death proved that he really was wrong.

 

 

Jongin entered the elevator and slammed the button for the 20th floor. From there he would have to take the other elevator to reach the lobby where Kyungsoo was supposedly at.

There, he would face his fate.

 

 

 

 

“Um…where can I find the boss and his son, Yamaguchi Kai?” Kyungsoo hummed, asking the receptionist down in the lobby.

“Do you have an appointment? May I know your name?”

“I don’t even remember the name I was given but just tell them Kyungsoo is here. They’ll know.” Kyungsoo was actually impressed that his Japanese was well enough to hold a conversation without much pauses and stuttering for words.

Kyungsoo looked around the lobby while the receptionist was busy calling to confirm regarding Kyungsoo being there. It was large and spacey with a minimalist modern style, typical for the lobby of a large office building. The doors opened up outside to a water fountain feature. It was noticeably deserted, however.

No one else was seen walking in and out of the building. Only Kyungsoo and the two receptionists were down there in the large lobby. It was like this the last time Kyungsoo had been here too. Not that it was much of a surprise, considering that the yakuza owned the place.

 

“The boss says you can come up. He’s sending his son down to see you.” The receptionist informed Kyungsoo, sliding him a card across the desk, “This is the elevator pass. You get off on the 20th floor and take the elevator which says “20th floor and above.”

“Oh...okay then. Thanks” Kyungsoo grinned, only because he was usually told off for scowling at people. Kyungsoo would rather get shot than have to deal with being scolded for being rude. It really wasn’t his specialty.

 

Kyungsoo entered the elevator and slid his pass into the card slot, pressing the button for the 20th floor like he was instructed to.

Before the doors shut, a hand passed through the gap and stopped the doors from fully closing, returning it to open again when the automatic sensors were triggered.

Two well-dressed men who were all taller and larger built than Kyungsoo walked into the elevator, standing around him and holding down the button for the 20th floor, which canceled the set destination Kyungsoo had initially pressed for.

The elevator doors slid shut, locking Kyungsoo in the confined space of the unmoving elevator with the men.

“You are the Korean man, right?” One of the men asked Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo had his eyes fixed on the display screen of the elevator when he heard the man asking him. “There are millions of us. Which one are you talking about?” Kyungsoo deadpanned.

“This is the one” Another whispered under his breath, which Kyungsoo obviously heard.

“Hey, I haven’t heard your accent before. Which part of Japan is that from?” Kyungsoo gleefully asked.

 

Kyungsoo’s question wasn’t answered but he managed to stop a punch to his gut just in time. Cramped in the small elevator and outnumbered, Kyungsoo fought his way through the men whom he knew were out to get him the moment they stepped into the elevator.

Kyungsoo was pushed and pinned against the wall while the other tried strangling him, but Kyungsoo clawed and kicked to get himself free from their hold.

Kyungsoo had one under him but was pushed off again by the other. Kyungsoo admitted that he was really at a disadvantage in a cramped space as he was beaten up, especially because he had come without a weapon.

Jongin had taken the guns with him when he left and all Kyungsoo was left with was a kitchen knife he took before leaving. The kitchen knife was in between his belt and trousers which he kept hidden in case he would need it.

 

Despite that; Kyungsoo fought back even if his suit was torn, his head was bruised, blood was spilling from his mouth and he couldn’t even feel his face anymore. Kyungsoo was strong but he was no god either. He lost at times too and he bled red like everyone else.

Kyungsoo tried to grab the knife behind him, but he was stopped and held down roughly on the floor of the elevator where his already injured face scraped and burned on the carpeted surface.

Kyungsoo’s arm was twisted behind his back as a foot stomped down hard on him with spiked shoes that really hurt him. Kyungsoo’s right arm was broken behind his back. There was even an audible sound heard of his bones cracking, which made it eerier.

Kyungsoo was breathless. His breathing was ragged and heavy. His vision was blurred by the blood that was flowing onto his face out of his nose, mouth and the cut on his forehead as he was pressed face down onto the floor where the carpet scraped into his wounds.

 

He was slowly starting to feel dizzy and on the brink of unconsciousness. Kyungsoo bit his own tongue to stay awake. He had to force himself for Jongin. This was all for Jongin. Kyungsoo didn’t care if he died there as long as he got to see Jongin one last time.

The elevator began moving up even if with no one from the inside pressing the button, showing that someone else outside had called for it up. The sudden movement lulled Kyungsoo’s attackers for a moment.

Kyungsoo laughed and took the split second opportunity to free himself and grab the knife. It was difficult and no easy task with a broken arm but with a weapon in his hand, Kyungsoo proved himself superior there among the other unarmed two.

 

 

 

Jongin was impatient. He was biting his nail as he waited for the elevator that would take him to the lobby. He tapped his feet and banged on the closed elevator doors. Out of all times, this one felt like the longest he ever waited for an elevator, even if the waiting time was more or less the same as the other times.

Jongin gasped when the electronic display read that the elevator had reached his floor as he waited for the doors to open. Jongin’s mouth dropped, even more, when he saw what was waiting for him in there.

“Hey sunshine, did you wait long?” Kyungsoo smiled for Jongin, despite his bloody and battered face, slumping weakly against the wall of the elevator as he desperately tried to keep himself standing. In his hand was the knife he had used.

Jongin cried in horror, ignoring the bloody mess of bodies with slashed throats on the floor as he immediately grabbed Kyungsoo and dragged him out of the elevator. The men weren’t even dead yet, they were squirming around and choking on the floor as they were bleeding to death to be suffocated by their own blood.

 

 

Jongin fell from the added weight of carrying Kyungsoo, sitting on the floor with Kyungsoo between his legs as he watched the elevator doors slide shut with the dying men in it. Blood was pooling on the floor in the elevator and the walls were stained red.

Jongin took a few seconds to recover from the initial shock, and when he did, he immediately tended to Kyungsoo.

“Kyungsoo, are you alright?” Jongin was panicking and freaking out, “I’ll call an ambulance.”

Kyungsoo snickered, throwing the knife aside and sitting up on the floor in front of Jongin even if it hurt to even speak, “That is out of the question. I’m just hurt, not dying.”

“I swear I didn’t know my father would send those men out for you. If I knew, I would have stopped it.” Jongin sobbed, throwing his arms over Kyungsoo and holding on tight. Jongin pressed his face into Kyungsoo’s shoulder and didn’t care even if it smelled like blood.

Kyungsoo ran his left hand comfortingly down Jongin’s spine, hushing, “It’s alright. It’s over now.”

“No. It’s not. My father won’t stop until you’re dead.” Jongin wailed.

Kyungsoo paused, pulling away from Jongin, “You deserve to be free. I put you in this mess so I will get you out of it.”

“Don’t do it, Kyungsoo. I know what you’re thinking of. Please don’t do it”, Jongin grabbed both of Kyungsoo’s bruised and cut up hands, pressing Kyungsoo’s bloodied knuckles to his lips.

Kyungsoo heaved, feeling his own tears forming in his eyes, “But it’s the only way you will be free. There’s no choice.”

“I don’t care about being free. I just want you to be!” Jongin shook his head, feeling the metallic taste of Kyungsoo’s blood on his lips.

Kyungsoo chucked, “-still ever the hypocrite I see, aren’t you? You want me to be free but you don’t care for it yourself.”

“This is what love is” Jongin sorrowfully gazed back into Kyungsoo’s eyes.

 

Kyungsoo removed his hands from Jongin’s grasp, bringing his left hand up to Jongin’s face and parting the hair that fell over Jongin’s forehead. Kyungsoo’s broken right arm hung limply at his side.

“I know. That’s why I’m doing this for you too. I know what love is now, Jongin. It’s selfless sacrifice of your own happiness and freedom for someone else. It’s not being able to bear the thought of being without them. At least that’s what it is to me.” Kyungsoo stated, standing up on his own feet with the remaining strength left in him and picking up the gun that Jongin had cast aside on the ground.

 

Jongin followed suit, standing up together with Kyungsoo in silence, with fear and uncertainty obviously displayed in his eyes.

“I love you, Jongin.” Kyungsoo smiled so genuinely for the first time.

“I love you too but I’m not dreaming, am I?” Jongin laughed, wiping away his tears.

“If this was a dream, Jongin, I would love to sleep through it forever so I can be with you because it looks like the world we wake in will not allow us to be with each other.” Kyungsoo solemnly added.

“Then, we don’t need to be awake in this world anymore”, Jongin held Kyungsoo’s right hand in one hand, while his other hand slowly reached for the gun in Kyungsoo’s left hand.

Kyungsoo chuckled softly, “That’s a bit dramatic of a statement, isn’t it?”

Jongin tried to take the gun from Kyungsoo’s hand into his own but Kyungsoo didn’t seem like he was letting go of it anytime soon. Kyungsoo held on tight to it with his left hand.

“Kyungsoo…my father’s men will be here anytime soon. If we don’t do it now, they will do it for us.” Jongin muttered softly, tilting his head down to press his forehead against Kyungsoo’s.

“How many shots do you have left in there?” Kyungsoo replied in a soft tone too, closing his eyes.

“It’s fully loaded.”

“You know, if you do it properly with the right gun and bullet, you can kill two people with one bullet.” Kyungsoo chuckled.

“Is this the right one?” Jongin replied.

“I actually don’t think so” Kyungsoo sighed.

“That’s alright. At least I know we have a choice now. Do you want to go out by our own terms or wait for that elevator to come down to us? It’s moving now.” Jongin noted, eyeing the lighted up display panel on the wall.

“A choice, huh?” Kyungsoo too had his head turned to the elevator panel behind him. “Did we ever really?”

 

 

Both men turned their heads to the elevator which dinged open, revealing Jongin’s father and several men who stormed out of the elevator, rushing towards them.

The gun was dropped to the floor and forgotten as they held each other tight and close in an embrace until they were torn apart together by force. If not for that, they wouldn’t have let go of each other. It was very unconventional but somehow they found out that the true meaning of home was in each other’s arms.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter will be the finale for "Across"


	20. I Love You

 

It really was springtime now. The cherry blossoms were in full bloom, the breeze that blew was neither warm nor was it cold. There was a distinct smell in the air which came around spring, or it was probably the signs of hay fever and pollen allergies. It was just nice.

Kyungsoo had been excited to experience his first spring in Japan and he got his wish now as he sat on a bench under a tree near a convenience store. It was a cherry blossom tree and the fluttering petals were starting to become a nuisance but he let it pile on top of his head and shoulders and lap.

 

Kyungsoo had a bottle of green tea in between his legs. The cold bottle was condensing on the outer surface and wetting his pants as the water droplets rolled down. In his right hand was a half eaten rice ball with the plastic wrapping still hanging from the food.

Kyungsoo had only one hand to utilize for the time being. Kyungsoo’s left arm was in a sling and cast from being broken right at the elbow bone. It was a four hours surgery after that and Kyungsoo had to stay in the hospital for a good two days. It would still be a few more weeks and a few more physiotherapy sessions until he could actually get rid of the cast and fully utilize his arm again.

Working was out of the question until then.

 

 

He was alone now. Jongin had left him and he already missed the sorry excuse of a yakuza heir even if it had not been long. It really had only been a week since then.

Kyungsoo skipped the funeral which almost the entire yakuza clan attended, in favor of sitting down there under the tree outside the convenience store. Kyungsoo hated solemn events like funerals especially when the deceased’s death was because of him.

Kyungsoo dropped the rice ball into the plastic bag lying on the bench beside him, before closing his eyes so he could feel the nice breeze that blew by on his face.

Kyungsoo felt like he had been waiting to meet Jongin for a long time now, even if it really wasn’t that long at all. Kyungsoo could already think of and rehearse the words he wanted to tell Jongin when they saw each other again.

It felt so long since then. Maybe Kyungsoo was overreacting. He knew he would be able to see Jongin again very soon. They had a choice now or maybe it seemed like they did.

 

 

 

 

A cherry blossom petal fluttered down and was caught in between Kyungsoo’s eyelashes. Kyungsoo blinked rapidly and brought up his left hand to wipe it away, only to realize his arm was broken and he couldn’t actually move it from the cast.

“Here, I got it for you.”

“Ugh, thanks,” Kyungsoo muttered at the assistance from the other person.

“Sorry. The queue to the toilet was pretty long,” Jongin clutched his stomach and sighed.

“You took such a long shit, I thought you ditched me here,” Kyungsoo snapped, “You’re going to leave a crippled man here alone, are you?”

“You’re not crippled, Kyungsoo. Your arm will be fine some time from now. You’re just overreacting,” Jongin rolled his eyes.

 

Jongin sighed, slumping down on the bench beside Kyungsoo, “I can’t believe you made me skip the funeral for convenience store food.”

“It’s not good conduct to attend the funeral of people you killed so I’m not going and I need you to drive me around.” Kyungsoo clarified.

“That’s just morbid. They were good members of the clan though,” Jongin shrugged.

“Not until your father ordered them to kill me that day,” Kyungsoo deadpanned.

“…right” Jongin nodded, clicking his tongue.

 

Kyungsoo sighed, heaving his shoulders, looking ahead at the small park they were in, “So, what now?”

“I don’t know. What do you want to do?” Jongin leaned an arm against the edge of the back of the bench, turning sideways to face Kyungsoo.

“I don’t know either. I’m stuck here in Japan to repay the debt I owe your father for paying the Chilsungpa to cancel the bounty on my head. I can’t work with this arm of mine though” Kyungsoo expressed.

Jongin chuckled, “If you had just killed me, you wouldn’t owe him the money for it. You’d be on a plane or a ship most likely back to Korea.”

“Exactly. He was going to pay the Chilsungpa for me but only if I killed you-which I didn’t. But he paid it anyway and you’re alive, so I owe him the money for not doing the job.” Kyungsoo almost regretfully had to mention.

“Well, we kind of scared him when we were going to commit double suicide. I think he only expected one of us to die, not both, and it kind of scared him. We make our own choices now.” Jongin smiled, lifting a finger to gently poke Kyungsoo’s dimple.

“Choices? You basically extorted your father so we could squeeze our way out of it.” Kyungsoo snickered. “I guess you really are your father’s son because the yakuza are supposed to be good at extortion.”

Jongin chuckled, “You said that it was kill or be killed too.”

 

“It’s really not for you, Jongin-killing I meant. I kill because I’m prepared to die anytime for what I do. If you can’t adopt that kind of mentality, you will ruin yourself in the long run. I’m just a killer and I don’t try to justify or romanticize it either. There’s nothing beautiful about it. It’s an ugly world I don’t want you to be involved in.” Kyungsoo advised.

“You are right, Kyungsoo. But just like you can’t ever change that you are a killer, it’s not like I can leave the yakuza either and you know that too. You said you will always be Do Kyungsoo, the killer and I will always be Yamaguchi Kai, the yakuza heir.” Jongin noted.

“No. You’re Kim Jongin, the cute convenience store clerk who kept drooling at me.” Kyungsoo insisted, trying to keep a serious face before bursting into laughter.

Jongin followed suit, laughing, “That’s getting pretty old, you know.”

“-and so am I. I’m already breaking bones here.”

 

“So, are you going back to killing people once your arm is healed up?” Jongin asked, turning away from facing Kyungsoo to look ahead of him instead.

Another gust of breeze blew, sending more fluttering cherry blossom petals down onto them. Jongin brushed it off his hair before helping do it for Kyungsoo.

“Of course. I have to until my debt to your father is paid off.” Kyungsoo replied.

“Alright then.” Jongin approved of Kyungsoo’s decision. “-but what will you do after that? Will you return to Korea?”

Kyungsoo grinned, turning to Jongin, “I’ve been lying to my family about living overseas and running a dentist’s clinic for a few years now. I am living overseas now, thanks to you, so I thought I might as well go back into dentistry after that and do killing on the side. You can hook me up with a clinic somewhere, right?”

Jongin smiled wide, beaming, “Of course. I used to work with this guy named Sehun in the convenience store who was a nursing student and always wanted to move abroad. I guess I could call him up to help you in the clinic.”

“Then what about you?” Kyungsoo asked Jongin.

“I’ll be here together with you until the day you die,” Jongin answered, holding Kyungsoo’s right hand in his left hand.

“Me? What about you dying?” Kyungsoo added, locking his fingers into Jongin’s.

“I want to die first so I can properly see you off. Then, I’ll join you.” Jongin planted a kiss on Kyungsoo’s cheek.

“You really make dramatic statements, don’t you? First, you say stuff like you love me then you don’t and then you do and, now this.”

“-but you love me too.” Jongin cheekily added.

“I do,” Kyungsoo declared.

 

The pair headed back to the car in the parking lot, with Jongin holding the door open on the passenger’s side for Kyungsoo.

“Say, Kyungsoo, I’ve always wanted to know about one thing.”

“Yeah? What is it?” Kyungsoo inquired, just about ready to enter the car.

“Do you remember the day where I tried to escape from your place and you caught me?”

“I do,” Kyungsoo nodded.

“How were you already inside the loft when all the doors were locked? I thought you left already.” Jongin hummed in thought.

Kyungsoo laughed, “I was there the entire time. I never left. You just didn’t see me in the dark.”

“Then, why didn’t you stop me?” Jongin was more than eager to know now.

“I wanted to see how far you can go. I wanted you to believe that you could actually do it, when I knew it was a lost cause from the beginning,” Kyungsoo smiled and it almost looked eerie and ominous.

“You are crazy,” Jongin commented.

“I never said I was sane either.”

“That is true but we do get along quite well.” Jongin agreed.

“There is space for two on the crazy side and you are welcome.” Kyungsoo laughed out loud before entering the car.

 

Jongin smiled, closing the door shut and walking over to the driver’s side before getting into the car together with Kyungsoo.

Jongin once imagined two scenarios at the end of it all; Kyungsoo would be caught, his real identity discovered and his evil deeds uncovered or he would be escaping like a classic movie villain driving off into the sunset with a menacing laugh.

Jongin was wrong about either one of it happening because both of it happened. Jongin had caught Kyungsoo. He knew who Kyungsoo was, he knew Kyungsoo was evil and crazy, he knew what Kyungsoo did and it was the both of them driving off that day into the sunset heading to their futures but together and not alone.

Jongin still watched Kyungsoo from across but from a much closer distance now. It was very close now indeed. So close that they could say that they owned each other’s heart.

Jongin didn’t ask for this either because it was too good to even ask for. But this is what they both wanted.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you to everyone reading this. Thank you for making it to the completion of this fic with me <3 I really appreciate your support. I love you all <3
> 
> -  
> If you're disappointed that they didn't die, I'm sorry for that but I never planned for neither Jongin nor Kyungsoo to die. 
> 
> I've had come up with several endings, one where they would be together and one where they weren't. I chose the ending where they would be together and in the one they didn't, Jongin continues to hunt for Kyungsoo so they could be together. It was supposed to be in the continuation which I haven't planned enough for yet, so I didn't take the risk because I might not be able to give it a proper ending.
> 
> Thank you again~
> 
> \--
> 
> Got any questions or just need to contact me? : curiouscat.me/hajinnie  
> Also on Twitter @hajinnie


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